Please keep in mind that Paris Hilton has herpes, a saggy eye, comically oversized feet, and looks like Big Bird if Big Bird had a bombed out vagina, so imagine what she would say if a radio station asked her if she would rather have Jessica Simpson's rack or Kim Kardashian's ass. Surprise! She said:

On Kim Kardashian's ass:
"I would not want that, that's gross. It's disgusting."..."It reminds me of cottage cheese inside of a big trash bag."

On Jessica Simpson's breasts:
"I like how mine are. I don't like big boobs, I think they're too... big."

Man, I wonder what kind of frame Paris has for her magic mirror. It's gorgeous, I bet.


Audio clip via Extra

Paris Hilton's saggy, out of shape butt flaps:


Paris Hilton's flat chest:

Although she probably smells like cocoa butter and Swisher Sweets, Kim Kardashian is looking pretty bangable here filming an episode of her "reality show" on Tuesday. Either that or the NyQuil just kicked in. It's hard to tell. One time when I had the flu I let my neighbor's fat friend blow me so she would bring over her Sega Dreamcast. So, in case you're wondering, NyQuil is apparently my champagne and chocolate.

MadTV did a skit last night that pretty much sums up everything about Kim Kardashian's painfully lame reality show about her and her other whore sisters. Everything except Kim letting Bruce Jenner motorboat her. Bruce Jenner is white. The only thing a white guy could do for Kim Kardashian is to point out where the black guy is.

I hate to presumptuously assume anything here, but I get the feeling Kim Kardashian might want us to look at her ass. I may have to consult an expert panel, but there appears to be some compelling evidence to support that theory.

Note: Images removed per request.

The fact that she was covered in urine at one point seemingly aligned with their business goals, Bongo has hired Kim Kardashian to appear in their Spring 2008 print and online advertising campaign. The ads, which will also feature Kim's younger half-sisters, will hit fashion magazines in April. Yahoo! Finance says:

Commenting on her role as the Bongo spokesperson, Ms. Kardashian stated, "This is a fun, young, fresh campaign and I am honored to be a part of it. What I am excited about is how Bongo jeans fit. They hug my curves in all the right places!"...Dari Marder, Chief Marketing Officer, Bongo, stated, "Kim is not only gorgeous, sexy and confident, but she is also kind and gracious. We are thrilled to have her join the ranks of past Bongo spokeswomen..."

Dari Marder didn't go on to explain why Bongo hired Kardashian then proceeded to Photoshop thirty pounds off her ass. I guess he decided to skip over that part. Other campaign ideas from the Bongo marketing department include: Angelina Jolie modeling ski-masks and Scarlett Johansson in the summer's hottest bikinis after her mastectomy. What exciting projects they have in store!

Sonja Norwood, mother of Kim Kardashian's ex-boyfriend, Ray J, and singer, Brandy, is suing Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney Kardashian for making unauthorized charges in excess of $100,000 on Norwood's American Express card back in 2004. Kardashian, a stylist at the time, was given the card to make a ""one (and only one)" purchase. Um, she didn't. TMZ reports:

According to the suit, Kim allegedly gave the card to other members of her family -- Khloe, Kourtney and Robert Jr. The suit claims in 2006, the Ks racked up $62,793.83 in unauthorized charges. And, in 2007, they blew another $57,841.82. The total: $120,635.65! And get this for audacity: the suit claims the Kardashians charged thousands of dollars in their own stores, Dash and Smooch."

Wow, Sonja Norwood seems pretty upset. Maybe somebody should point out to her that the first letter of these skank's names spell out KKK. That should make her feel better.

The Kardashian sisters. Yes, Khloe was born a female:

I must be drunk, because Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney looked pretty hot yesterday on Miami Beach. Maybe that's because looking at huge boobs in bikinis are kinda my thing. Statistical physics and gardening are close seconds, of course.

Although their relationship has just been made public, sources close to Kim Kardashian, 27, say she is engaged to former Heisman winner Reggie Bush, 22. OK! Magazine reports:

While no diamonds were shining on Kim's ring finger, she did admit to OK! that things are getting serious. However, she added, "One thing I did learn from '07 was to try to keep it as private as possible so I'm trying to hold that close to my heart but I'm here with everybody that I love."

Kim added:

"I'm the best cook!" Kim tells OK!. "People don't know that, but I cook all the time. My best dish is surprisingly my soul food meals. My fried chicken and my macaroni and cheese and my sweet potato souffle."

"Surprisingly?" Not really. Kim Kardashian has gotten more black guys off than Abraham Lincoln. She's like a cyborg programmed to trap black dudes, casting her net of ass and fried chicken. The only way she could do any better is if she bled Kool-Aid.


Note: No official word yet on why Reggie Bush would want to marry this skank, but many believe it may be a result of the time he got knocked retarded: