Kris Jenner can't keep her hos off the corner for long, so here's Kourtney and Khloe at a signing for their new fiction book that someone else wrote, Dollhouse. A book where their name is bigger than the actual title of course. "Dollhouse is addictively entertaining novel about an exciting, high-profile, complicated family with a huge heart and a lot of love, " Kourtney told the crowd before the signing. "RAAAAAWWWWRRRR," Khloe added before swatting down a plane.

Seriously, hasn't this guy suffered enough?

NOTE: If you want to see how the Kardashians and other money-hungry attention whores make their money, how about read a real book, Celebrity, Inc.. (buy it here now) by the insanely awesome Jo Piazza.

In case you're wondering the top vilest ways celebrities make their money, Jo sent me this list this weekend. Try not to punch a wall after you read it:

1. On average celebrities make $33,000 per pound just for losing weight on an endorsement deal.
2. $10,000 per Tweet
3. 50% of all proceeds from staged paparazzi photos
4. $10,000 "secret" endorsement checks to wear certain items of clothing.
5. $100,000 for baby photos (except for the very high end babies which can command $1 million)
6. $25,000 for a club appearance
7. All expense paid trips for them and their entire family to show up and say they support a charity

Because the Kardashians are a tight-knit family held together by plastic surgery and money and people telling them how wonderful they are, Kourtney and Kong Kardashian reportedly hate Kim's new husband, Kris Humphries. This should turn out well. Us Magazine reports:

But when Kris Humphries said "I do" to the reality star in August, he didn't just get a wife: he got her whole family! But sources tell the new Us Weekly -- on stands now -- that Humphries hasn't exactly won over the tight-knit Kardashian clan. An April get-to-know-you family trip to Bora Bora with Humphries, 26, wasn't exactly paradise. The athlete criticized Kourtney, 32, for being a "slave" to her son Mason, 21 months. His constant roughhousing with Kim also rubbed her sisters the wrong way. "He's like this weird, big clumsy oaf," a source said. "Kris is getting famous for marrying a Kardashian."

It's not like I need a reason to hate this guy, but in his defense, I knew about Kris Humphries when accepted a scholarship to play for Duke in 2004 only to back out and commit to Minnesota instead. So I guess there's other ways to get famous other than by marrying a Kardashian. Being the daughter of the guy who defended O.J. after he cut his wife's head off and being the sister of the chick who got pissed on and mouth fucked in a sex tape are also good ways, for instance. Sources say Khloe Kardashian was so upset with Kris Humphries' antics that she got all seven of her Double-Double's animal style. Grrrrrr!!!

The entire Kardashian family truly believe that they are the most beautiful creatures walking the planet, except one is a primate and one has a gigantic ass and I think one of the younger ones has horns. Anyway, so of course when one of them has a baby (this waterhead freak), then OMG he's the just the most CUTEST THING EVA!!! Except fuck no he's not. KONG DISAGREE WITH TODD BABY CUTE I HAS HUG HIM.

I just saw these adorable pics on Kim’s blog and I had to steal them. It honestly feels like forever since I’ve seen Mason and I was only on vacation for a week LOL. I miss him sooooo much! He really is the cutest baby in the world!

Seriously? This old shrunken Jewish man who needs a neck brace to hold up his giant head is the cutest baby in the world? Maybe when they found him underneath some rubble in Fallujah crying for his mommy because he might have been covered at dust, but at some point you have to realize he's gonna grow up and live under an opera house.

Since her boyfriend is on one of the worst teams in the NBA, Kim Kardashian is in Puerto Mita, Mexico with New Jersey Nets' power forward Kris Humphries instead of watching the NBA playoffs. And boy, I bet he's glad his team went 24-58 this year, because he gets see this in a bikini all offseason. You know, that is until a Mexican fisherman comes by and mistakes her ass for a seal then throws a net over her. Then possibly squeezes a lime on her. Oh, and maybe some guacamole. Guacamole is pretty good. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that she's fat. I hope I made that clear.

Note: Her sister Kourtney has also there. Please keep in mind that Kourtney has a kid and looks like this in a bikini. And this. Kim is one determined sperm away from having to be airlifted every time she goes to Taco Bell.

During a Laker/Spurs game the other night, Lakers guard Kobe Bryant called referee Bennie Adams a "fucking faggot" while arguing a call. The NBA immediately fined him $100,000 for the use of a "homophobic slur". But did anybody ask if Bryant was just angrily asking the ref for a cigarette? I think we're jumping to conclusions here.TMZ reports:

Kobe Bryant just wrapped up a live interview on ESPN radio -- where he said he plans to appeal the $100k fine issued by the league for dropping a homophobic slur during last night's game ... but he never squarely apologized for calling the ref a "f**king f**got." Kobe said the decision to appeal the fine is "standard protocol." Kobe also said, "The concern that I have is for those that follow what I say ... look to me as a role model .. for them not to take what was said as a message of hate or a license to degrade ... or to embarrass or tease ... because that's something I don't wanna see have happen." Kobe stated he plans to talk to gay rights groups. Kobe said his message to people is, "It's OK to be who you are."

Of course Perez has already jumped on this like a cotton candy dick (see, now that's how you do a homophobic slur) and GLAAD and other human rights groups have demanded apologies, but damn, you can't call someone a faggot when you're mad anymore? I'm pretty sure Kobe wasn't outing the ref on national television or insinuating that the ref has a butt plug. He got pissed about a call and said the same thing he probably said in 8th grade. Big deal. You get mad, you say shit, you're over it. Kobe doesn't need to worry about if some guy in a sarong is gonna clutch his pearls after he hears somebody say faggot. And what people don't seem to get is that Kobe really didn't have to apologize to GLAAD or defend himself, because if you think the NBA would even dream about publicly reprimanding him in any sort of formal statement, good luck with that. Kobe makes $100K before he takes a piss in the morning. If he wanted to, he could write this every single day until he retires and he'll still be a first ballot Hall Of Famer.

But, you know, not for the obvious reasons you might think. Popeater reports:

Kourtney Kardashian is such a prude. She said it herself. As seen on 'Kourtney & Kim Take New York,' she absolutely freaked out about a kissing scene she was asked to do during her guest appearance on 'One Life to Live.' She's still freaking out on 'The Tonight Show.' It was a guest spot on her favorite show from years ago, and yet she was beside herself with anxiety and craziness over this minor aspect. Should she be surprised there's kissing on a soap opera? "I feel like a prostitute," she said of the experience. "Being paid to kiss someone."

So, this is what makes her feel like a prostitute? This? I've given sexier kisses to grandma and this is what all of a sudden makes her become self-aware? She honestly really doesn't have any perspective or concept of reality. I bet she believes her dad defended O.J. Simpson because Nicole Brown was a Highlander.

Being on a soap opera and a "reality" television show is basically the same thing, but on a soap opera, they aren't pretending that what you're watching isn't scripted. So, it just seems like a natural progression that one of the Kardashian whores would be on one. Specifically, Kourtney Kardashian. Her annoying, grating voice aside, you get to see what she looks like standing next to other humans. Is she walking on her knees? How short is this bitch? All this does is further prove my theory that Khloe was adopted from a shelter on Skull Island. And in case the words on the video didn't give it away, Kourtney's character's name is "Kassandra Kavanaugh". And her actual dialogue is "Kassandra Kavanaugh, with two K's". What the fuck does that even mean? What has two K's? Kassandra or Kavanaugh? Whatever. Just add this to the list of things this chick sucks at in life. With her dipshit husband and baby who looks like a sleeper cell Al-Qaeda. If they wanted me to watch this shit, they should have named it Kourtney and Kim Take Fukushima.


Yeah, so...maybe that 5th cup of coffee wasn't the best idea.

To Kim's dismay, it wasn't a three-piece meal. E! Online reports:

More than a month after pulling out of a debit card venture that had attracted nothing but negative attention, the company that licensed Kim, Kourtney and Khloé's images has sued the sisters, mom Kris Jenner and their company Dash Dolls for $75 million, claiming they breached their contract by abruptly terminating the deal.

Revenue Resource Group's complaint, filed Thursday in Fresno, Calif. and obtained by E! News, states that the Kardashians had a two-year contract and that RRG has been weathering a bad PR storm since the E! stars pulled out.

The Kardashians breached a two-year contract because of negative attention from the card's long list of fees. Apparently it's better to be known for being pissed on than for pissing away money. Point taken.