Kris Humphries is taking a page out of Russell Brand's book and not asking for cash. Radar Online reports:

Kris Humphries wants to make it abundantly clear to his soon-to-be ex-wife, Kim Kardashian, that he doesn't want any money from her, but wants the divorce granted on his terms, including admitting that the reality star married him under false pretenses, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. Even though the couple does have an iron clad pre-nup, Kim’s camp is open to some financial negotiation to end the marriage amicably, however Kris' lawyer has conveyed to Kim’s attorneys that he isn't seeking a cash settlement. "There have been informal settlement talks going on between Kim and Kris' respective lawyers. Team Humphries has made it crystal clear though that Kris isn't seeking any money from Kim. Kris doesn't want one penny from her. His lawyers have said the only terms acceptable for a settlement would be if Kim agrees to Kris’ contention that the marriage was a fraud. There is a stand-off at this point because Kim will never agree to that, she says the marriage wasn't a fraud. It just didn't work out," a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com.

Of course he wants her to admit their marriage was a fraud, because that may nullify the prenup and entitle him to an annulment -- which would void any confidentiality agreements they had, opening him up to media deals to rake in more cash. Are they absolutely sure they're not perfect for one another?

You remember how Kim Kardashian didn't want her divorce televised? This might be why. Radar Online reports:

Kris Humphries divorce attorney wants to question Kim Kardashian, Kris Jenner, and E! executives about an emotional conversation that the then newlywed had with her momager about the breakdown of her marriage while supposedly on a business trip to Dubai in October, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. The attorney is interested as the conversation, which aired on Kourtney and Kim Take New York, appears to have been filmed on a sound stage in Hollywood in December, nearly two months after the actual trip. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, in photos taken of Kim and her mom on December 6, as they exited a TV studio, Kim is dressed in the exact outfit, with the same hair style and earrings, as she is seen wearing in the scene supposedly shot in mid-October in Dubai. And mom Kris was followed out of the studio by an assistant carrying the purple kaftan-style dress she is seen wearing in the back of the limo. The NBA star has cited fraud in his official response to the divorce petition, and wants his lawyer to question his soon to be ex-wife, and Kris Jenner about the pictures taken on December 6, feeling this backs his case. "Kris feels that if this is true and the whole conversation was faked, this would help prove that he got married under fraudulent circumstances. Yes, this did occur after the marriage, but this is one clear example that could help sway the judge to grant the divorce on the grounds of fraud," an insider told RadarOnline.com. Before the Dubai episode aired, Kris tweeted, “I can’t wait for the truth to come out! People will be surprised or maybe they won’t. #FCC.”

It's pretty obvious that everything this family does is for cash and camera flashes, and if either of them learned anything from Robert Kardashian, this case will be pretty easy for them. Far be it from me to defend anything a Kardashian does, but if Kris Humphries really thought his marriage was going to be for anything other than publicity and a payday, he's either legitimately retarded or just has a really bad memory.

You're not gonna believe this, but Keeping Up With The Kardashians is a completely fabricated and scripted subversion on a mass scale disguised as a reality television series "focusing on the personal and professional lives of the members of the Kardashian and Jenner family" to make Kris Jenner and E! as much money as they possibly can. Radar Online reports:

In the latest example of staging, cameras captured Humphries proposing to Kardashian in the bedroom of her mansion. Kris had wanted to propose to Kim in Minnesota, but he had absolutely no control over how it all went down. "Kim told Kris how, where and when to propose, it was absolutely no surprise to her whatsoever, a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. "First of all, Kris proposed in the middle of the day, and he had to do that because it would create better lighting to capture the moment. Kim looked so surprised but she knew it was happening," the source says. "She was in full hair and make-up, as she always is on the show. Kris wanted it to be very intimate and romantic, but all of his ideas were shot down by production officials and Kim. "Kim told him the paparazzi would ruin the special moment if it were to take place in a public setting, like the beach, which he had also considered. How romantic could it be with three camera crews?"

If you want to know how Kim Kardashian basically seems genetically hardwired to be a money-grubbing attention whore with no remorse or soul, read the Kris Jenner/Robert Kardashian divorce documents that were just released. The whore got it honest. And you remember the touching scene during their trip to Dubai where Kim confides in her mom about her "marital issues" and appears to be very remorseful? You do? Because that scene was filmed in a studio in Los Angeles and written to garner sympathy for Kim. Um, what are you waiting for Jihadists? Trouble finding Calabassas on a map? I know you're good with New York already.

Surprise! Radar Online reports:

"Kris was with Kim and her family in Bora Bora, and he playfully threw her in the sea. Kim emerged from the water, freaking out, with cameras rolling, shrieking that she had lost one of her diamond earrings, which are worth $75,000," the source says. "Kim was crying hysterically, but then miraculously, one of her younger sisters found the earring in the ocean, where the group had been swimming. It was probably 6-8 feet deep, and Kris commented to Kim how unbelievable it was that the valuable earring was found as the current in the ocean in Bora Bora is very, very strong. Kim just said, 'I know,' with very big smile on her face." Although Kris' eyes have been opened, and he's been left with a nasty taste by the whole experience of his whirlwind relationship and 72-day marriage, he does still have respect for one member of the family. "Kris says that Kim's reality shows are a total sham. He doesn't think there is anything real about the shows at all. Kris thinks that Khloe is truly the only authentic one among the Kardashian sisters," The source says. "Even though they didn't get along, at all, he respects that Khloe does what she wants. If Kim and Kris had stayed together, and he had gotten traded to Dallas, like Lamar did, he knows Kim wouldn't have moved with him like Khloe is doing."

Reality TV isn't real and an ugly girl was forced to develop a personality. In related news, pie is delicious and clouds are fluffy. I know, I couldn't believe it either!

Not playing out his wife, but potentially proving their brief marriage was a sham. Radar Online reports:

While it appears that Kris Humphries was caught partying with a bevy of blondes in the New York suite he shared with then-wife Kim Kardashian, RadarOnline.com has exclusively discovered that E! cameras were rolling during the incident. In a photo posted in September by Twitter user "shellmerci", Humphries is seen in the background while the blonde snaps a photo, but also snapped is a large production camera in the upper right hand corner, clearly filming everything. Leading to the question: Is the entire "cheating" scandal a set-up for their hit show, Kourtney & Kim Take New York? RadarOnline.com published the photos and videos posted by the Twitter user that allegedly partied with Humphries that night at the upscale Manhattan hotel he shared with Kim, the Gansevoort, in which several girls are giggling as they flaunt monogrammed cloth with the initials "KH" and "KK." On December 11, another Twitter user named "glfitzpatrick" wrote: "@shellmerci is the acct that'll b featured n next weeks #kktny."

Look, I doubt Kris Humphries can read, and if he weren't 30 feet tall he'd probably scrape his knuckles whenever he walked. Fair enough. But even then, does anyone still think he'd be stupid enough to cheat on his wife when her reality show cameras were in the same room? Especially when there's also a token ugly friend taking pictures of everything that goes on? Probably not. But when your urinal cake of a wife has complete editorial control over everything the public sees you do, that's what it's going to look like.

Kris Humphries gave an interview on Good Morning America today, but because of his prenup he couldn't divulge much. So he literally repeated the same shit (essentially "PLEASE HIRE ME!") ad nauseam for five minutes. The only entertainment value of this is watching his body language. Between his eyes, his posture, and his fidgeting, you can't watch this and say he wasn't holding in the kind of explosive diarrhea that usually just comes out Kris Jenner's mouth.

Kris Humphries was slated to appear on a DIY network show about man caves, and Kim Kardashian was slated to appear with him. Maybe the second billing (in addition to, you know, being a sham) is why their marriage ended. TMZ reports:

Kris Humphries is gearing up to reenter the bachelor scene after his split with Kim Kardashian ... and TMZ has learned he's already re-pimped out his Minnesota pad ... with the help of a former NFL star. Sources connected to Kris tell us ... Humphries recently hooked up with ex-Baltimore Ravens stud Tony Siragusa for an episode of the DIY network show "Man Caves" We're told the original plan was to build a custom man cave for Kris where a married guy could escape for a little "man time "... and Kim was even supposed to participate in the episode. But after the split, we're told Kris told producers to go back to the drawing board ... and gave orders to design the ultimate bachelor pad room for a single guy on the rebound. We're told Goose and contractor Jason Cameron came up with a "chill lounge" concept -- complete with a couple of bars, liquor dispensers and a wall that transforms into a 120 inch projection screen.

Liquor dispensers and a projection screen twice my size? I was going to make a remark about how appropriate it is for someone who looks like a troglodyte to have a cave, but fuck it. I'm too busy trying to get invited over for Monday Night Football.

Kris Humphries wants to void his prenup, but not for the reason you think. Radar Online reports:

The NBA star formally filed a response Thursday in the divorce proceedings that Kardashian initiated after only 72 days of marriage. Humphries wants the marriage annulled on the grounds of “fraud.” It's a brilliant strategic move because by seeking to have the marriage annulled, Humphries can request that the prenup be tossed, primarily so he won't be muzzled by the confidentiality agreement. "The confidentiality aspect of the prenup is extensive and was created just in case things went bad, neither Kim nor Kris could discuss their relationship to the media. But now, Kris wants to be able to talk about the relationship without fear of being sued," a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com.

Read: He wants to be able to make money for interviews, just like his erstwhile urinal did. Meanwhile, TMZ reports that the real reasons for Kris wanting an annulment are less greedy, more godly:

Sources directly connected to Kris tell us ... the BBaller has deep-seeded feelings -- rooted in religion -- against divorce. He's filed for an annulment because it wipes the slate clean by erasing the marriage. If the judge refuses to grant an annulment, we've learned Kris will then ask for a legal separation that will extend indefinitely. He feels even though an indefinite separation would preclude him from marrying again, it's preferable to divorce. The legal experts we've spoken with say ... unless Kris can prove with "clear and convincing evidence" Kim defrauded him into marrying her ... the judge will almost certainly grant her divorce petition.

That's going to be a tough case to prove, but considering Kris Humphries looks like he stepped out of a Geico commercial cum sitcom, it may work for him. All he has to do it convince a judge that yes, he is the only living creature that believes reality TV is real.