John Mayer is a douchebag who looks like he just tripped over a downed power line whenever he's on stage, but he's been knuckle deep in more USDA kitty than a vet (he should get a medal for Minka Kelly alone), so it's no surprise that he's moved on to his next piece. Janet Charlton reports:

If you read Page Six you might remember a recent blind item they printed about secret trysts between a reality star and a well known singer. We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

I play guitar, but maybe I should start writing vagina begging music and wearing plaid shirts. That seems to be working for this guy. But I'm not gonna lie, ether works pretty good too.

Barack Obama doesn't fear terrorism, but he does fear filling up on Johnny Cakes before the peach cobbler is served.

Rip Torn knows the ground isn't level, and here I thought it was just me this whole time. [DListed]

This horrible album cover better be the last we ever hear of Sanjaya, or I'm calling immigration like the bigot I've always feared I am. [Seriously?OMG!WTF?]

Kristin Cavallari's 80s costume must have come with authentic 80s cocaine. [Hollywood Tuna]

What George Clooney would look like if we lost all respect for him [CityRag]

PETA begs Bristol Palin to give peas a chance. Meanwhile, I just killed a koala by choking it with my fist. [Celebitchy]

Pink would give Carey Hart away if he married again. Good news, because it's not like he'll fetch top dollar. [I'm Not Obsessed]

Don't you just want to shove something in Reese Witherspoon's mouth when she opens it like that? [Just Jared]

It's with no small sense of pride that I say that I've never watched one episode of Laguna Beach, so I really have no idea if Kristin Cavallari is a math genius or some kind of robot from the future. But considering the fact that she was on a reality show on MTV, and this is just a guess, I assume she is a slutty priviledged white chick who desperately craves fame so she puts on a bikini and hires a photographer to take pictures of her at the beach so she can see herself on sites like this and pretend in her own mind that she's relevant because she was on television three years ago. Sorry, sweetie. You're not. You just happen to look awesome in a bikini. These pictures could have been of you rescuing babies from a burning daycare or stopping a nuclear missile with your hand, but the only way they would have gone up is if they included a closeup of your ass.