The only thing left to do to surprise anyone was to look attractive. Does this mean she can retire now?

The only difference this time is that the other "artist" is calling her out on it. E! Online reports:

A relatively unknown Chicago songwriter is suing Mother Monster for allegedly using stolen bits of a song for her hit single "Judas." The plaintiff, Rebecca Francescatti, says she wrote a similary titled song called "Juda" in 1999. In 2005, according to her federal lawsuit filed in the Northern District of Illinois, she approached sound engineer Brian Gaynor to rerecord and remix her copyrighted tune, which is on iTunes. That's where things took an unusual turn, per her complaint. See, Gaynor is an associate of DJ White Shadow, a Chitown-based producer, DJ and engineer otherwise known as Paul Blair, who produced several tracks on Gaga's latest blockbuster album, Born This Way—though curiously not "Judas."
But Francescatti's lawyer, Christopher Niro, insists there's a connection. He tells E! News that Gaga flew Gaynor to Paris in March and April 2010 to work on her album. It's that personal connection (tenuous as it appears) and similarities between the two songs when she first heard "Judas" upon its release last March that made Francescatti believe they are "too prevalent…to be an independent creation."

If you're too lazy to shove safety scissors into your ears, here's "Judas":



You can listen to "Juda" here. Considering Madonna, Cher, Grace Jones, David Bowie, Lina Morgana's estate, Kiss, and Bette Midler never bothered suing this bitch, Rebecca Francescatti probably should've just let it go. I don't know why she'd want credit for this anyway. Other than their respective titles, the only thing these songs have in common is that they both blow.

Lady Gaga respected Amy Winehouse so much that she wanted Amy's body to still be warm while she pissed on it with studio executives. Pretty touching really. Daily Star reports:

LADY GaGa is in secret talks to play Amy Winehouse in a film about the singer’s tragic life. Hollywood movie moguls want to capitalise on the global outpouring of grief following her death on July 23. LA producers think outrageous pop phenomenon GaGa would be perfect in the starring role. A Hollywood insider said: “Lady GaGa worshipped Amy and would love nothing more than to transform herself into her idol on the big screen. “She’d be spot on performing Amy’s songs and has got the right look and bolshy attitude." “GaGa’s been itching to make the transition from music into movies and sees this as the ideal role to launch her film career.”

Man, I can't wait to see this movie. Lady Gaga does such a fantastic pretending to be Madonna, David Bowie, and Grace Jones on stage, I bet she'll be great pretending to be Amy Winehouse on film.

Tuesday on The View, Lady Gaga said "the world killed Amy Winehouse". And because cocaine gives you stupid ideas you think are brilliant, Gaga did an interview with Rolling Stone and basically said Amy Winehouse is in heaven and the world needs to learn a lesson from her death. Uh, don't do horse tranquilizers and heroin? That's what I took from this whole thing.

"It really affected me quite deeply," she said. "Isn’t it strange to say ‘She is,’ and now I have to say ‘She was?’ I’m just really glad that we got to admire her and tell her how much we loved her when she was alive. I hope she knows now in Heaven, where she is, how much we all loved her." Everybody was apprehensive as to how it was going to go," he said. "But she was really the best of all the young artists that I met in the current scene in the last 10 or 15 years. She was really singing true jazz. It’s just too tragic. I wanted to talk to her and tell her that if she doesn’t stop she’s going to die. I wanted to talk her out of the drugs, but unfortunately I never had a chance to talk to her." "She’s really special. She just gave me a lot of hope and she deserved a lot better than what people gave her. And I hope that the world learns a lesson from this. I really hope they do. Because it’s not her lesson to learn – it’s the world’s."

Oh, you see that? She tried to help Amy. She tried to reach out to her but she just never had the time. I guess she was just too busy gluing a unicorn horn to her head or cutting off a bat's wings so she could use them as eyelashes. Or maybe she was busy trying to get Leonardo DiCaprio to infiltrate Madonna's mind to see if there was anything else she could use. All that stuff takes time, you know. I'm just glad she found the time to talk about how she felt about Amy in front of a microphone after Amy died. That's Gaga. Always looking out for others.

Lady Gaga wrote something for V Magazine and if yWHAT THE FUCK IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?!

V MAGAZINE GAGA MEMORANDUM No. 2

Date: JULY 2011
Re: I DON’T SPEAK GERMAN BUT I CAN IF YOU LIKE
From: M†SS.GAGA
To: STEPHEN GAN

Art is a lie. And every day I kill to make it true. It is my destiny to exist halfway between reality and fantasy at all times. They call me “theatrical,” but I posit profusely that I am theatre, and that theatre is me. I am a show with no intermission. It is this thing that summons me from the depths of reality and reminds me that the power of transformation is endless. That I (we) possess something magical and transformative inside —  a uniqueness and specialness waiting to be exiled from the depths of our identity. I have said before that I am a master of escapism, which many attribute to my wigs, performances, and my natural inclination to be grand, but perhaps that is also a lie. Maybe I am not escaping. Maybe I am just being. Being myself. The arrival at this revelation revises my previous escapist philosophies, as my entire being, thus far, as wholly artist and wholly human, has been propelled by the idea that I must effortlessly vacillate between two worlds: out of the real and into the surreal. Out of the ordinary, into the extraordinary.

She does realize she's just some Italian chick with a big nose and Lupus who does rails for breakfast and dresses up in stupid costumes, right? And people still realize Madonna actually lived, right? I mean, she was an actual person. Just because you can rhyme "ga" with "ra" and passed by a Carl Jung book while looking for the latest High Times, doesn't make you a philosopher. Just keep making music for people who don't realize good music exists yet and shut the fuck up. You couldn't sound more like a pretentious cunt if wrote a cookbook with Gwyneth Paltrow.

Powered by gays and the screams of small children, Lady Gaga appeared on Australian television this week then went "out clubbing" in Sydney. Fashion magazines were abuzz the next day touting the genius of the designer who made this dress. They said his use of leather and a cop hat blended seamlessly with Gaga's detailed instructions of "HEY LOOK AT ME EVERYBODY! EVERYBODY LOOK AT ME!!" Many bloggers who like penis agreed.

Oh, and she has Lupus or whatever. Does that mean she can turn into a wolf? That would be cool. Radar Online reports:

Lady Gaga has been branded 'sick' and 'obsessed' in an explosive new tell-all which documents her alleged drug abuse and dangerous diet. In a revealing interview with Star Magazine, investigative journalist Ian Halperin has made startling allegations about the wacky performer, insisting she is a walking time bomb. "Those who have worked with her on tour reported to me that Gaga barely ate for weeks at a time to fit into her costume," said Halperin, who has spent 12 months investigating Gaga for his book. "She is sick and obsessed with her weight. One friend told me, Gaga will stare at herself in the mirror for hours on end, analyzing and critiquing her body. It's an unhealthy obsession." And while most people believe her outrageous outfits and heavy makeup are just part of her act, Halperin says there is a more sinister reason behind her look. "Her lupus is far worse than she lets on," he said of the disease, which Gaga has admitted to having. "Part of the reason she wears wigs and makeup is because her hair is falling out and she's covered in red blotches, both side effects of the disease." But her weight and her health are not her only problems Halperin claims. "Her drug use started young. From heroin to cocaine and ecstasy, her friends say that she has done every drug conceivable. You name it she has done it. "She's morphed into this caricature called Lady Gaga, who isn't even a real person. The girl known as Stefi to her friends and family has all but disappeared."

Wait, does all of this mean that Lady Gaga is gonna die soon? I want to get excited, but I want to make sure I'm reading this right.

Can someone please get on this? Page Six says:

Ever-dramatic Lady Gaga believes her costumes are as much a crucial part of her being as her vital organs. Explaining her penchant for her extravagant costumes, wigs and outlandish makeup, Gaga says: "If you were to ask me to remove my Philip Treacy hat at a party, in truth it's the emotional and physical equivalent of requesting I remove my liver."

This might be Lady Gaga's way of hinting to aim for the head, which was sort of a given. Just don't stop with removing her hat, because I know pretty well that a functioning liver isn't entirely necessary for survival. If someone can siphon all the money she gets from gay lemmings, that should be enough to stop her heart, and if anyone ever cut off her access to Madonna's Truth or Dare footage, that would be the emotional and physical equivalent of a .22 to her brain stem. Or if someone can just set her on fire, that would, at worst, be an improvement.