If somebody could tell me what exactly is supposed to be hot about these pictures of Lindsay Lohan in Miami on Wednesday, I'd appreciate it. I mean, I see a chick with big tits and long hair in a bikini, but it's not doing anything for me. Maybe it's because her waist looks like my nephew's. Or maybe it's because of her creepy high bellybutton. Or the freckles. Or maybe I just realize it's Lindsay Lohan and her vagina probably looks like Stargate. So many possibilities. Help me ponder them, won't you?
Ok, here’s the lowdown on our favorite batsh*t crazy lesbians. Ever since Sam Ronson was hospitalized for “exhaustion,” the prevailing theory I have is that Lindsay Lohan is simply exhausting. And, if you think about it, that makes horrible sense.
I have no idea what Lindsay Lohan does with her time, but outside of a line of leggings, she’s mostly been fodder for sites like us, and self-hating lesbians who can throw their attractive, little arms in the air and say: “If Lindsay and Sam can’t make it, there’s no chance for me and [lover’s name].” Though, you can always come to me for the conversion…
But, I digress.
Nik from The Dirty was in the passenger seat of a New Year’s Eve spat between Lindsay and Sam Ro while they were DJ’ing a party at Mansion in Miami, and he happened to be in the middle of something he classifies as a breakup:
When I started talking to Sam, Lindsay came up and started yelling at me “That’s my girlfriend. I love her!” and thought I was trying to steal her woman. I was trying to tell her to chill out, but she was out of it (high in my opinion). She started yelling at Sam telling her she wanted her gone and then she told all the security that she wanted Sam out of there. Sam told me not to worry about Lindsay because she’s nuts. Lindsay yelled at Sam again and Sam flipped her off. That totally pissed off Lindsay and she wound up leaving the club with some dude with long black hair, a blonde chick and a brunette chick. Sam was left there by herself and I felt kinda bad for her. Sam jetted not too much lomger after leaving the DJ’ing to some random dude. So, in my opinion they broke up on New Years.
There is sweet, sweet video of the incident, featuring a flailing Lohan and another account of this one long bitch-fest going all the way to the airport.
Have they broken up? Do I have another chance at Lohan (assuming I triple-bag it?)?
We've been experiencing technical issues all day today, so sorry about wishing you Happy New Year for two days now. We apparently really meant it. Anyway, all the crap we've been working on this morning will be up soon, so please stop sending me emails about my mother. I know you think you're upset about not seeing any new posts today, but just take a look at Sad Britney! She can hardly believe it!
Not sure why anybody would offer, but Lindsay Lohan has reportedly turned down $700,000 to pose in an eight-page spread for Playboy's 55th anniversary issue that will be released in January. Page Six reports:
IT'S once nude, twice shy for Lindsay Lohan...."If there's nudity, then the answer's no...She's not going down the [New York] magazine road again," Lohan's rep told Playboy's creative consultant, Hal Lifson, referring to Lindsay's naked Marilyn Monroe tribute last winter. Lifson said he hoped to have Lohan do a tribute to '60s sex kitten Ann-Margret and her film "Kitten With a Whip," which is one of Lohan's faves."
Actually, this wouldn't be the "going down the magazine road" because with Playboy, she'd actually get paid. Unlike the time she was tricked into posing naked for free in New York Magazine (read about that here). And who cares anyway? If you have a high-speed connection and about five minutes, you can see every part of Lindsay Lohan for free (Enjoy!!). The only way Playboy could surprise us if if the photographer is miniaturized in a submarine and injected in Linday's bloodstream.
I'm really starting to feel like I should buy Lindsay Lohan some flowers or something. Or maybe a nice thank you note. Or whatever the proper etiquette is when you see somebody else's tits more than your girlfriend's.
Only days after the Kristin Davis sex tape photos were leaked, now a leaked camera phone picture of Lindsay Lohan allegedly giving her ex-boyfriend, Calum Best, a blowjob has hit online. This is now reviving rumors of the pairs' reported sex tape. The picture, which was posted to a forum by a supposed "friend of a friend," is unsexily blurry, but the idea that Lindsay Lohan would have a penis in her mouth doesn't really seem that far-fetched to me. The poster said:
ok well remember that whole lindsay lohan callum best sex tape thing a while back.. that turned out to be bogus..untill now. apparently callum sent the video (which was filmed on his cell phone) when the 2 where an item has been sent to some of his friends...which as you may have guessed have been trying to sell the video. Anyway so i have this friend (cant say her name.) who is friends with lindsay lohan. She's just emailed me saying that someone has sent an email to lindsay with a screen clip from the movie, and shes freaking out because she "cant remember it being filmed."
Lindsay Lohan must have some kind of cosmic power because how we haven't seen her in a sex tape by now is anyone's guess. Instead of squinting at this picture, I should be able to discreetly peruse the back of my local video store for the latest Lindsay Lohan sex tape titles I just made up. Like "Ginger Snaps," for instance.
Click the thumbnail below for the larger NSFW image:
In a statement to People, Dina Lohan says that she approves of Lindsay's nude pictorial in this month's issue of New York magazine. Of course she did:
It was very tastefully done," Dina tells PEOPLE of the photos, a recreation of Marilyn Monroe's legendary 1962 photo shoot shot by Bert Stern. "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character. So I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother." ...Lindsay, 21, also viewed the shoot as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Dina tells PEOPLE. "Lindsay was very excited when she first got the phone call," says Dina, 45. "Of course we talked about how they would be done. Lindsay said, 'Mommy, I'm never going to get this opportunity to do it again.' She was very thankful she was asked."
Uh, wow. Besides the fact that Playboy photographers would've made this freckled mess look about a billion times better than grandpa did, Dina Lohan really needs to ask her Garmin for directions back to reality. Look bitch, your daughter got naked for some pictures, let's not turn it into some pretentious discussion about art. Just be glad she's finally getting paid to show us her tits. Lindsay Lohan is like a porn star who talks about how she got into porn to fight the oppression of women right before she gets double penetrated by two black guys in executioner masks. At the judge's convenience, I'm prepared to present the con argument whenever they are ready.
Some hi-res scans have hit online, so enjoy. Or don't. I can't live your life.
In 1962, photographer Bert Stern took some pictures of Marilyn Monroe which turned out to be her last photoshoot. In an effort to piss on Marilyn's grave, Stern and New York magazine have recreated the famous shoot with Lindsay Lohan:
Forty-six years later, Stern has revisited his classic shots with Lindsay Lohan, another actress whose prodigious fame is not quite commensurate with her professional achievements. Stern, who shot the photos on film rather than digitally, told me he was interested in Lohan because he suspected "she had a lot more depth to her" than one might assume from "those teenage movies."
Stern went on to say, "'A lot more depth to her'" sounds better than 'I want to take pictures of Lindsay Lohan's tits', right? I mean, let me know if I need to reword that."
