In case you thought I died in the earthquake, I'm sorry. I survived. And since I'm like an abusive boyfriend who is like Thor's hammer in bed, here's a reminder why you always come back to this site even though your friends think I've brainwashed you and your dad has threatened to shoot me on sight. Lucy Pinder's 2012 calendar is about to come out. You can see the full previews here (NSFW), but if I were you, I'd sit down first.

I just realized that I have Tracy Morgan, burning wreckage, and Britney Spears giving a lap dance on the main page right now, so to signal in a new era of posts that people will actually want to read, here's Lucy Pinder naked in the new issue of NUTS. As you look at these pics, please understand that this is what the media has convinced you that Christina Hendricks looks like when she takes her clothes off. When in reality, Han Solo would use Christina Hendricks to keep Luke Skywalker warm on Hoth, the sixth planet of a remote system of the same name. It is a world blanketed by snow and ice. Many meteorites from a nearby asteroid belt pelt the planet's surface, making temporary craters in the planet's ever-moving snow drifts. Hoth has three moons, all uninhabited. Its native creatures include the wampa and the tauntaun.

CLICK ON THE BANNER (NSFW) TO ENTER A WORLD OF WONDER. AND BOOBS. DON'T FORGET BOOBS.

Hey, remember when Frankenstein's monster wanted a companion because he was alone and miserable and said that one as deformed and horrible as himself would not deny herself to him? Yeah, all that other stuff would have been avoided if Lucy Pinder had lived in 19th century England and had died of an ax to the face at some point.

Screw it, I'm just gonna post tits all day because I'm lazy, so here's Lucy Pinder in the current issue of the appropriately titled, NUTS magazine. Say what you want about her face, but when she dies I'm pretty sure her rack will be dipped in gold and put on a satin pillow and her obituary will include the phrase "gallons of semen".


BLAH BLAH BLAH

Angelina Jolie reveals a touching tribute to her mother [Popeater]
Keeley Hazell in Maxim. Dear God. [Popoholic]
2010 Pirelli Calendar (waaay NSFW) [TaxiDriver Movie]
AnnaLynne McCord's nipples support Haiti [Egotastic]
Sexy girls in pigtails [COED Magazine]
Jersey Shore's JWoww has naked pics, dignity for sale [Celebslam]
Tiger isn't getting divorced [Cele|bitchy]
All Miranda Kerr topless all the time [Cityrag]
Weatherman compares snowfall to the size of his dick [College Humor]
Coco loves Ice T's stroke [Heyman Hustle]
Portland Trailblazer's 7'2" center Greg Oden has nude photos [Hoopsvibe]

Despite being the greatest publication in the history of the world, Nuts Magazine might convert intergalactic warlords to Christianity by dressing up Lucy Pinder and Rosie Jones in Santa's Little Helper outfits. Which of course they immediately take off. Like I did after my conversation with Megan Fox yesterday when she told me I got her pregnant. Then I hung up. You can't live in the past, man.

NOTE: You probably didn't make it this far, but if you did, CLICK ON THE BANNER. IMMEDIATELY. (NSFW)

Sorry about the late jump today, but more to the point, Dave has moved on to bigger and better things. The bad news is, you'll be stuck with me seven days a week now. And let's not kid ourselves, I pretty much suck at this. IDLYITW wishes Dave well in whatever he's doing right now, whether it be warming up a Hot Pocket or telling Hayden Panettiere to be quiet until the ether kicks in. So long, Dave. And thanks for all the fish.

In honor of 5/18, here's the instant erection Lucy Pinder in the new issue of NUTS Magazine. You can check out the gallery HERE, but if "Lucy Pinder" and "NUTS" didn't give it away, these are very, very, NSFW.

Lucy Pinder showed up at something called the Children's Champions Awards in London last night, and I don't know what those are, but I'm going to take a wild stab and say this outfit was inappropriate. Everybody in the room should have been listening to heartwarming stories of courage and hope, not jerking off in their wetnaps.