For some unexplained reason, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon decided it would be a good idea to pose for OK! magazine because "OMG, we're gonna have a baby!". As you look at this picture, please keep in mind that the photographer had to deal with Mariah Carey, so he probably had to take 54,867 pictures before she picked this one. Again, she picked this one. Is she choking? What the hell is Nick Cannon doing? And what's the deal with her face? Stick a bow in her hair and she could go ask the Wizard for courage.

Seeing how this post did exactly what I wanted it to do (thanks angry drunk moms and medical forums for linking it on your sites!!), here's another post about some other chick who thinks they are very first person on Earth to ever get pregnant. Ladies, I love you, I do, but when you get pregnant, stop posing naked. Seriously, just stop. I know you think it's some sort of blessed miracle, but just how your body absorbs nutrients then eliminates waste, pregnancy is basically the same thing. A sperm fertilized an egg. Congratulations. That's not a magical wonder. It's just how shit works. And secondly, seeing you naked is gross. Men are the ones who should get praised for all this pregnancy stuff. Like last week, when one of my ex-girlfriends posted a pic of her new baby boy on Facebook. But did anybody congratulate me on his 500 million half brothers that lived for three months on one of my old college t-shirts? I think I've made my point here.

Mariah Carey was performing at the Formula 1 Singtel Singapore Grand Prix in Singapore on Saturday, and I hope she stops denying she's pregnant soon. Even if she isn't pregnant. The only people that gain weight this fast are Voltron or a terminally wounded Detroit cop who returns to the force as a powerful cyborg with submerged memories haunting him. "Who am I?", "What is this on my hand?", are some of the things he may ask.

It's been way too long since a rambling bitch high on prescription medication and her unwarranted sense of importance in music history sat at a table and judged single moms and church activities directors on their karaoke ability, so thank God our wait is almost over.

Mariah Carey is still in negotiations to sign on as a judge, a source exclusively tells E! News. "She wants it," says the source. "She's seen what America's Got Talent has done for [hubby Nick Cannon] and thinks it will be a good career move." When contacted Thursday evening for comment, a rep for Carey didn't confirm or deny, responding only that there is "nothing to report." Several sticking points remain, but we hear that Fox is optimistic that they will make a deal with Carey.

Who gives a damn? Can't we just cancel this shit already? It's been on for 9 seasons and only one winner has had a successful and consistent career. And she sings country. Indiana Jones had an easier time finding the Chachapoyan Fertility Idol than this show has finding an American Idol. Seriously, look at the list of past winners: Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Hicks, Jordin Sparks, David Cook, Kris Allen, and Lee DeWyze. I've never heard of five of them and I'm pretty sure two of them are dead.

Mariah Carey showed up to the Golden Globes with her rack hanging out, and now she seems confused as to why people are complaining. Showbiz Spy reports:

“I dressed very conservatively,” she said. “My dress was long and my shoulders were covered. I don’t know what all the fuss is about.”

If any dude was offended by this, please stop your Project Runway marathon and knitting your cat his "Team Edward" sweater and shoot yourself. I'm not advocating killing gays here, so if you could just kneecap yourself, that'll work too.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon celebrated boobs their 1 year anniversary at Moon nightclub in NYC last boobs. Many friends and family joined the couple to celebrate boobs their love and commitment towards boobs each other. A tender moment came when boobs Nick Cannon serenaded Mariah to boobs as the crowd watched with happiness and joy at the intimate scene of true love they were witnessing. And also, boobs.

Mariah Carey was invited to perform during the inaugural festivities, and I know you're not going to believe this, but she acted like a complete bitch. Oh, I know! I was surprised, too! New York Post says:

SOME divas cling to their high-maintenance ways even at moments of historic national import. Mariah Carey, who performed at the Neighborhood Ball for President and Michelle Obama, was "furious" when she found out where she'd be seated for the inauguration. A spy said, "Mariah was in the VIP area, where every celebrity, like Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, was seated. But somehow she thought she'd be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn't, she bailed."

I have no idea why Mariah Carey gets invited to things. She's crazy anyway and when she doesn't get her way, she's an insufferable pain in the ass. Look sweetie, I'm sorry we couldn't get you your baby dolphin omelet with penguin eggs or a diamond encrusted chair for you to sit in, but if you just sing then shut fuck up, we'd all appreciate it. k thnx bai.

Most guys don't like John Mayer's vagina begging music because if you have a BMW or money to buy all the weed and beer, you don't have to keep this kind of crap on your iPod to get college chicks to blow you. So don't be shocked when you don't like Mayer's live cover of Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas is You." Say what you want about Mariah's crazy ass, but at least she knows how to sing a Christmas song. When I hear a song about Christmas, I want to think about snow and presents, not playing hacky sack or making my own bong.