Marisa Miller accepted her FHM Global Search 2010 World's Sexiest Woman yesterday, and if you look closely, you can see why she won. I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Here's Marisa Miller in her new ads for Harley Davidson, and I don't know what the Japanese think about all this, but maybe they should have thought about that before...whatever. It's Marisa Miller and her perfect body straddling a motorcycle. The only way these pictures could be any better is if she was riding a Pegasus and flew on my balcony.

Marisa Miller showed up at Wet Republic in Vegas this weekend, and I know I talk about how I would bang most of the women on this site (which of course I never will) but I'm almost glad I'll never be able bend Marisa Miller's insane body over a couch. Because if I did, it would have to be through Make-A-Wish, because if I didn't die immediately after, I'm pretty sure my penis would fall into a deep depression and need medication to cope with the vagina that would come afterward. I could walk into a sorority with a case of Grey Goose and a garbage bag full of X, and my penis would just end up sitting in the corner practicing relaxation techniques and posting on his support group's message board.

I've been spending a lot of time at my pool lately, mostly because it's bikini season, but mostly because you never know what you might find or who you might meet. Like yesterday, when four hot chicks in tiny bikinis were studying for the bar exam. Nice work, God. Now if you could help Marisa Miller witness a mob execution then put her in the witness protection program and send her to live in an apartment complex in NC, that would be fantastic. I have plenty of closet space if she needs it. Oh, and a large penis. Don't forget large penis.

Let's not kid ourselves, Marisa Miller's body is what by all women should be judged. The only way it could be more perfect is if her stomach could stream Netflix while she's riding me.

My grandma makes my clothes, so I don't read GQ, but maybe I'll start reading UK GQ. Not because I want to find out which scarf to match with my shoulder bag, but mostly because they decided to put Marisa Miller, Tiiu Kuik, Liliana Dominguez, Michelle Alves, Michelle Buswell, and Maja Latinovic in panties and take pictures of them. It's sort of like what I do with my Real Dolls, but with way less drama. Brandi just gets so jealous of Heidi! Don't worry ladies, there's plenty of Todd to go around!

Marisa Miller pranced around looking hotcompeted in the 4th DirectTV Celebrity Beach Bowl this weekend, and got tackled by Tom Arnold. I'm not sure how bad at sports you have to be to get tackled by Tom Arnold, but at least she didn't seem to mind when he pulled her pants down. More chicks should be like that. It would be fun. I know my lawyer throws around terms like "assault" and "non-consensual", but I'd like to think of it as a surprise party for their vagina! Everybody likes surprise parties!!!

The 52 Annual Grammy Awards were last night, and other than the sheer glee of Lady Gaga losing to Kings of Leon, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift, Matt Schaub got the MVP award with a 13-for-17, 189 yards and two touchdown night. Vincent Jackson added 122 yards on 7 catches to help the AFC win 41-34. Wait, ok, maybe I didn't watch the Grammys. So what if I didnt? God, why do you have to be so stuck up? You think you're better that me, is that what you think?!