No Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is complete with Marisa Miller, and although the Asian I stole looks hotter in Agent Provocateur and La Perla, I'm really not complaining when Marisa Miller stuffs her huge tits in something your girlfriend can buy at the mall. I swear, either God is still getting high-fives or Marisa Miller's body was created in some kind of erection study lab. I'm not sure about the science behind that, and I would have asked Chastity Bono, but erections don't seem to be her thing.

Here's Marisa Miller in a hot pink garter and panties for a new Victoria's Secret shoot and it's hard to believe tha...uh..uh..oh God..uhh...oh God...oohhh Goooddd!!..uhhh..uhhh...shhhh...shhhh...no, don't touch it. Don't touch it!!

Ok, so today is boring and I don't feel like writing about the bitch ass Gosselins or some lesbian college trying to make David Letterman a sexual predator, so here's Marisa Miller and her proof that God exists body. Unlike dinosaurs and female orgasms that the liberal media try to make you believe.

I'll be damned if I'm gonna leave Kevin Federline as the top post all night, so here's the painful erection known as Marisa Miller. I'm still not convinced her body wasn't designed in a lab or somebody dared God, but I dare you to find something more absolutely perfect. I couldn't even have sex with this. I mean I could, but at best, the five minutes it would take would include four minutes and forty-five seconds of me crying and apologizing.

The 44th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards was last night, and I really need to make it there one year. Not because I like songs about domestic violence and broken dreams, but because it's probably the best award show if you're looking for the greatest concentration of hot, skinny white chicks. I tried the American Latin Music Awards one time, and before I got in, some latin guy came up to me and stuck out his hand and said "Hola". Then I just threw him my wallet and my keys at him and then hid behind a trash can. What does "Hola" mean?!! Is that some kind of gang slang?! Oh God, somebody help! Help!!!



Taylor Swift and Kellie Pickler:



Marisa Miller, Julianne Hough, Kaley Cuoco:

Yes, Marisa Miller is ridiculously hot. I know. Trust me. But put makeup on her and she's damn near perfect. Just like me when I wear my Superman cape. My grandma says I'm such a handsome boy!

I have no idea when these were taken, but here's Marisa Miller getting fitted for some fashion show. Let me preface this by saying I would bang this chick in the middle of a daycare, but if she could get a consult at the Bare Essentials counter the next time she swings by the mall that would be great. Yikes. Her body is absolutely sick, but I really didn't need to see her without makeup. I mean, her face looks okay, but let's face it, so did the jack-o-lantern I made last year.

Marisa Miller was at the Grammys last night. I don't know why, because she has nothing to do with music, but turns out she has a lot to do with my penis. My penis really, really loves Marissa Miller, but he's afraid that stereotypes and ignorance will make people not be able to see his true self. He's cultured in the arts and in the sciences and enjoys reading books on constitutional law. Why, just yesterday, we were discussing how Jackson Pollock used synthetic resin-based paints called alkyd enamels during his Springs period. "This was novel at the time, " my penis said.