Let's not kid ourselves, Marisa Miller's body is what by all women should be judged. The only way it could be more perfect is if her stomach could stream Netflix while she's riding me.

My grandma makes my clothes, so I don't read GQ, but maybe I'll start reading UK GQ. Not because I want to find out which scarf to match with my shoulder bag, but mostly because they decided to put Marisa Miller, Tiiu Kuik, Liliana Dominguez, Michelle Alves, Michelle Buswell, and Maja Latinovic in panties and take pictures of them. It's sort of like what I do with my Real Dolls, but with way less drama. Brandi just gets so jealous of Heidi! Don't worry ladies, there's plenty of Todd to go around!

Marisa Miller pranced around looking hotcompeted in the 4th DirectTV Celebrity Beach Bowl this weekend, and got tackled by Tom Arnold. I'm not sure how bad at sports you have to be to get tackled by Tom Arnold, but at least she didn't seem to mind when he pulled her pants down. More chicks should be like that. It would be fun. I know my lawyer throws around terms like "assault" and "non-consensual", but I'd like to think of it as a surprise party for their vagina! Everybody likes surprise parties!!!

The 52 Annual Grammy Awards were last night, and other than the sheer glee of Lady Gaga losing to Kings of Leon, Beyonce, and Taylor Swift, Matt Schaub got the MVP award with a 13-for-17, 189 yards and two touchdown night. Vincent Jackson added 122 yards on 7 catches to help the AFC win 41-34. Wait, ok, maybe I didn't watch the Grammys. So what if I didnt? God, why do you have to be so stuck up? You think you're better that me, is that what you think?!

Todd does not like. New York Post reports:

Marisa Miller may have just placed No. 2 on AskMen.com's list for the "99 Most Desirable Women of 2010," but she's not as popular elsewhere. Sources confirmed to Page Six that the California stunner is no longer working with Victoria's Secret. Miller has been one of the lingerie line's "angels" since 2007 and walked in its most recent show last month. Her rep didn't respond to a request for comment.

I could be sad, but Victoria's Secret is like a puppy mill for hot pieces of ass, so I guess I'll live. Unlike if Private Practice got cancelled. Formulaic medical dramas with no concept of actual medical procedures don't come around that often you know.

I never knew what Hitler's doctors were talking about before, but after seeing these pictures of Marisa Miller backstage at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, if eugenics had a page on Facebook I'd become a fan.

Yeah, so I know I said I would do this last year, but let's face it, I'm lazy and I'm not good at following through on promises (btw, sorry about your sister, dude. But seriously, paternity test or GTFO), but I want to do a post listing the Top 10 Reader Voted IDLYITW Posts of 2009. I know I'm being a little presumptuous in thinking that I've ever written 10 great posts, but if you guys have some favorites let me know. I'll tally the votes and post them with the best reader comment for each. Either drop them in the comment section here or send them to me at editor@idontlikeyouinthatway.com. I would say just call me at your mom's house, but she makes me turn my phone off when I'm over there. She's so needy. What's up with that?

Marisa Miller was walking around LA on Wedneandholyfuckingshit. Say what you want about her face, but can we just go ahead and agree that she has the sickest body on Earth? We can right? Good. Because I hate to bring this up now, but the demons I may or may not have summoned with the Ouija board I found in my grandma's attic yesterday may or may not be asking for a human sacrifice, and hypothetically, if they existed of course, I wouldn't want to give them Marisa Miller's name since she's so hot. So if anybody could text Kelly Clarkson and tell her to meet me at North Hills, I would appreciate it. Tell her that I'll be the one with the lifetime supply of cupcakes that the city of Raleigh would like to present her. Then I'll trap her you see.