Mel Gibson was at a club with his pregnant girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, last night when he violently attacked a photographer who was trying to take his picture. Only except he didn't. TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us the man who filed a battery claim against Mel Gibson is making the story up and no criminal charges will be pursued. We're told after interviewing the man -- who claims Gibson tore his shirt after he attempted to take a picture of the star at Playhouse in Hollywood -- cops believe it was impossible for Gibson to have even made contact with him. They tell us Gibson was wedged in a booth with his pregnant girlfriend and couldn't have grabbed the guy's shirt. We're told the "victim" was asked to walk away at least 3 times before the alleged incident. Security told him no photography was allowed in the club, but he persisted. Cops say witnesses tell the same story -- the guy is making up allegations of battery. No one saw his shirt ripped when he left the club. Cops say it's a civil matter at best, and they don't expect to even interview Gibson.

So basically this douchebag tried to take a picture, he got asked to leave three times and when he didn't, security threw his ass out and ripped his shirt then he threw a hissy fit and went crying to the police. You got your shirt ripped, jackass. Get over it. Be glad it wasn't worse. Because if my pregnant girlfriend was sitting at a table and you tried this shit, then only person you'd be crying to would be a nurse. Because I'd assume your morphine drip was running low.

Mel Gibson, 53, went on The Tonight Show last night, and told the whole world that his girlfriend, 39-year old Russian singer, Oksana Grigorieva is pregant with his eighth child (her second). Gibson didn't say it directly, but this chick's vagina must be lined with velvet and feel like a massage chair, because it basically helped end a 28-year marriage that may turn into the most expensive divorce in Hollywood history. The only this would have been worth it is if the kid pops out and can spin straw into gold.

Mel Gibson's wife filed for divorce last week after 28 years of marriage. Say hello to the reason why. The Sun UK reports:

Sexy OKSANA POCHEPA, 24, says she has fallen for the 53-year-old actor and hopes their love is "strong and long-lasting" Smitten Oksana, who first hit the Russian charts aged 13, said yesterday: “This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting. "We are different people, but Mel is a grown man and knows precisely what he wants and me too — I know what I want.” The singer, who is also a model, claimed to have visited Mel on the set of a movie in Boston last summer. But she added the two were not yet ready to go public with details of their love. She said: "I would not like to say more right now."

Wait, it gets worse. The Mail is reporting that there are at least three other women Gibson might have been involved with and that ever since he filmed Apocalypto in Mexico, his penis has been like a rabid lion that just escaped from the zoo. I'm not a divorce attorney, but if Robyn Gibson was ever worried about how she was going to pay for a unicorn with a diamond encrusted saddle, she can probably relax now.

As reported yesterday, Mel Gibson and his wife of 28(!) years, Robyn Gibson, have filed for divorce after being separated for two and a half years. Um, did anyone even know that Mel Gibson had a wife? Is she an NFL quarterback or a Colombian drug lord? She must have be, because the bitch is trying to get paid like one. People reports:

With no indication that the estranged couple – who married 28 years ago – had a prenup, Robyn Gibson, 53, is legally entitled in their divorce to half of everything the actor-director-producer earned during their marriage: A fortune estimated at close to $1 billion. "This could easily be one of the biggest divorce settlements in Hollywood history," says Los Angeles family lawyer Lynn Soodik, who's not involved with the case. "Any attorney would advise her to take half."

Half of a $1 billion isn't enough of course, she also wants Gibson to pay her spousal support and all her attorney's fees. TMZ reports:

Sources tell us there is no prenuptial agreement -- they were married in 1980, before Mel Gibson amassed a fortune estimated at $900 million back in 2006. Under the laws of California, community property -- which includes earnings -- is divided 50/50. The Gibsons have 7 children, but only one -- Tom, who turns 10 tomorrow -- is a minor. In Robyn's legal papers, filed this morning in L.A. County Superior Court, she seeks joint physical and legal custody of Tom. Robyn is also asking for spousal support and attorneys fees.

So to recap, Robyn Gibson was married to one of the biggest movie stars in Hollywood for almost 30 years, and in that time, all she had to do was pick out which tropical island and panda fetus skin moisturizer she wanted for Christmas each year and let Mel Gibson cum in her seven times. Um, yeah. Sorry ladies, but the only way she could possibly earn this money is if she was a Somali pirate or agreed to be a contestant on The Running Man.

Note: Remind me never to get married in California. California is the best place to get married ever!!

Already having spent time together in Costa Rica, Britney Spears and Mel Gibson met again last night at the Grand Havana Room, an exclusive Beverly Hills cigar bar. People reports:

For more than two-and-a-half hours, the singer, 26, and the actor-filmmaker, 52, met in what was confirmed to PEOPLE as a more of an ongoing guidance session than a business pow-wow."

Two-and-a-half hours? Really? Britney can't pay attention for five minutes. I have a feeling this is gonna take a lot of work if he plans on teaching her how to hate the Jews.

Who in the hell knows why Mel Gibson would want to spend his vacation with Britney Spears, yet here she is, in Costa Rica. In a bikini. The Sun says:

Britney Spears was looking hot in her bikini over the weekend. The singer is staying at close pal Mel Gibson's $26M Costa Rican ranch with her dad Jamie and seemed happy and healthy while body boarding in the surf. Wearing her white Ed Hardy bikini, the star wasn't shy in showing off her curves as she larked around with a male pal in the sea."

I'm not sure what kind of funhouse mirror glasses this dude from The Sun is looking at these pictures with, but the only curves I see is on Britney's Coke can. The rest is just Britney's fat ass squeezed into a bikini. At this point, I'm just surprised a whale didn't bite her ankle and pull her into the ocean to be it's mate. You could see how that would be an honest mistake.

Although Mel Gibson, who starred as Ledger's father in 2000's The Patriot, was one of the first actors to speak out on the death of Heath Ledger, it is now being reported that their relationship had become estranged with Ledger's decision to play a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain. The New York Daily News reports:

Ledger asked Gibson whether he should take the role of Ennis Del Mar in 'Brokeback,'" [Private Investigator Paul] Barresi says a "major Hollywood producer" told him. "Gibson strongly counseled against it. The role apparently ran counter to Gibson's morality. And he felt that it would ruin Heath's career." "When Gibson parted ways with Heath, it broke his heart," contends Barresi. Of course, the role ended up winning Ledger critical cheers and an Oscar nomination. Speaking with London's Evening Standard in 2006, he said he took it because "it was kind of a reaction against the comparison that I'm the new Mel Gibson."

Mel Gibson hates gays and Jews, so it's confusing why a lot of people don't like him. He's just like Jesus, and you see how many people love that guy.

More from the set of The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus:


Speaking of hateful, religious bigots, the infamous church of "God Hates Fags" plans to picket Heath's funeral. (Thanks, Christine)

Mel Gibson reportedly went nuts last night on a female college professor during an appearance at Cal State University at Northridge after she accused him of racially stereotyping Mayans in his film Apocalypto. TMZ reports:

...Alicia Estrada, an Assistant Professor of Central American Studies at CSUN, challenged Gibson, asking him if he had read about the Mayan culture before shooting the controversial film...Estrada persisted, stating that representations in the movie that the Mayans engaged in sacrificial ceremonies and had bloodthirsty tendencies were both wrong and racist...Gibson exploded in anger, responding, "Lady, Fuck off."

The ancient Mayans routinely sacrificed animals and children. Mayan men and women offered blood to the gods by piercing their own tongues, earlobes and genitals with obsidian blades or stingray spines. "Chakba," the art of Mayan self-decapitation, was performed when Mayans would stick their head through large, metal exercise wheels with sharp-edged support braces. Uh, I'm not sure how Mel Gibson could have made that look less barabaric. I guess he could've ended the movie with Mayans dancing around the kitchen table, singing into hairbrushes, and realizing that despite their differences, home is truly where the heart is.

Labels: apocalypto, mel gibson