In December 2008, Dexter and Raleigh native (yes, I threw that in there) star Michael C. Hall, 40, married co-star Jennifer Carpenter, 31, in a private ceremony. On January 14, 2010, Hall revealed he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. Four months later, doctors proclaimed him cancer free. Then for Christmas, his wife divorced him. Now he's fucking a 25-year old. God is great. Daily Mail reports:

Dexter star Michael C. Hall has a new girlfriend and he has reportedly managed to keep her a secret for five months. And to add insult to injury for his ex-wife Jennifer Carpenter, the new woman is 15 years younger than the 40-year-old actor. Hall has reportedly been dating 25-year-old Vanessa Abrue, who works for Showtime the network that owns his show Dexter, since March - less than three months after Jennifer, 31, filed for divorce from the star. 'No one would ever suspect these two were together because she isn't what anyone would expect Michael to be with,' an insider told RadarOnline.com. 'They hardly go out together but when they do it's always with a group of people so no one would suspect he's with someone.' Vanessa would constantly talk about Michael texting her at all hours of the night but said she thought it was all worth it,' the source said. 'They mostly hang out at Michael's house, but when she does go out in public with him it's only with others and she walks at a distance.' 'It's more like Michael, Vanessa and a few others that work on Dexter that are not actors. They are all close to Vanessa's age,' the insider said. 'When they all hang out at Michael's, Vanessa would always stay the night with him but I don't think Michael realizes how much Vanessa talks about him to friends.'

So to recap, a chick 15 years younger than him regularly comes to his house to bang him, but when they go out in public she has to walk 10 yards behind him. I was going to write something to make this sound better, but I'm pretty sure that's literally impossible.

Earlier this week it was announced that Jennifer Carpenter had filed for divorce from her husband and castmate from the brilliant Dexter, Michael C. Hall. Immediately, rumors that Julia Stiles was to blame. You know, because they fucked on the show. Makes sense. People reports:

"I have absolutely nothing to do with the split between Michael and Jennifer," the actress, 29, says in a statement. "We are good friends and enjoyed working together. This is a personal matter between them, and we should respect their privacy." Adds Stiles, "Although I too prefer to keep my private life, private – I felt compelled to dispel the rumors I was somehow the cause for this matter."

Michael C. Hall certainly appears to have a type. Bony white chicks who look like they've had a mastectomy and their top lips donated to science. Are we sure this guy is from Raleigh? That can't be right.

Hey, I have the same henley! That's the point of this video, right?

Jennifer Carpenter, who plays Michael C. Hall's sister Deb on Dexter, has filed for divorce after two years of marriage. Wait, she knows Julia Stiles was just pretending to have sex with Dexter, right? TMZ reports:

They play brother and sister on television and got married in real life -- but now Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter have new roles ... they're gonna be exes, and TMZ has learned Jennifer is pulling the plug on the marriage. Sources tell TMZ Jennifer will file divorce papers this week, possibly tomorrow. Hall and Carpenter have been separated for "some time." The split was first reported by "Access Hollywood."

Yikes. Michael C. Hall survived cancer only to live to get a divorce. I can totally relate. One time I sat through an entire commercial break only to watch the Panthers lose a timeout because they challenged a call. Jesus, John Fox, can't you do anything right? If Brandon LaFell lands on top of the Gatorade cooler, there's a pretty good chance he might be out of bounds.

"I mean are you trying to fuck her or set her on fire?" God, I love Deb:

Michael C. Hall was on Jimmy Fallon last night where he sang Santa Claus Is Coming To Town as Dexter. Normally I wouldn't care, but Michael C. Hall is from Raleigh and Dexter is one of the greatest shows in television history. He could have been showing the audience his bird watch scrapbook and I probably still would have posted it.