Michael Lohan has been releasing phone calls like AT&T wireless lately, trying to cash in on his family's drama to whoever will pay him. Good thing he planned it like Dexter, because according to 2005 protective order, he isn't allowed to contact Dina Lohan until 2011. Guess who's on the tapes? TMZ reports:

Michael Lohan could wind up behind bars for his despicable decision to release secret recordings of his family's phone conversations -- because it appears MiLo wasn't legally allowed to be on the calls in the first place...Now, the release of the tapes, one of which was reportedly made in 2008, could be a smoking gun, proving Michael broke the rules of the protective order -- and, if convicted, it could score Michael some quality time in prison. TMZ has learned attorneys for Dina Lohan have already contacted the Nassau County District Attorney in connection with the audio tapes. Unfortunately for Lindsay -- who was granted a one-year protective order against Michael back in 2004 -- there are no laws against being an insensitive, fame-hungry, backstabbing father.

Christ, is everybody in this family a complete retard? They should seriously hold a parade or erect a statue for the first Lohan who can order at a drive-thru or figures out what do to at an Easter Egg hunt.

A day after Michael Lohan told the media that Lindsay was being used by her clitoris cleaner, Samantha Ronson, the lesbian duo were so enraged that they wrote a MySpace blog. Oh snap! Ronson says:

SHUT THE F*** UP
Current mood: bullied

i really don't want to say anything because i feel like he wins- he, being the man who is so desperate for attention that he goes to the media whenever possible- i know i am being used, i am just a pawn- easy to sacrifice in order to feed his addiction. I was angry when i first read his attack on me, but- for me- i believe that actions speak louder than words... so now i just pity him- i am not standing in his way- i am not the reason that he has no contact with his daughter- he is- his need to throw a tantrum for the whole world to hear is- i am not going to go into a play by play defense- i feel no need to publicly defend my role in lindsay's life- i'm just sorry that she likes me more than him.

p.s. i'm not the one that is so lost that i need to use my relationship with lindsay to earn a living.... i am, always will and always have been here for her for her- not for anything else....so I think it's safe to say that there is not now and never will be a tell all..... written by me..... when does your book come out mr. lohan?"

Lindsay also responded, but we have a strict "one dyke blog per post" policy, so you can read it here if you want. Or not. You get the idea. Michael Lohan is an attention whore. If he ever has another kid, he should be legally required to put it in a box and mail it to a nice wolf family.

Hey, remember when nobody knew who the hell Samantha Ronson was then she started licking on Lindsay Lohan and all of a sudden she was a famous DJ? Yeah, Michael Lohan has a theory about that. The Sun reports:

Lindsay Lohan's dad has launched a stinging attack on her lesbian lover Samantha Ronson....Michael said: "I've shut up about this long enough. Samantha is using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some Los Angeles DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at my wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest. Let's just say I hope Lindsay starts opening her eyes and realises who the people using her are.".."Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse. Sam is using my daughter. My daughter isn't working because she's always with Sam. Even my ex-wife Dina knows it. She just isn't doing anything about it."

You hear that, world? Michael Lohan is at his wit's end. Watch out. There's no telling what might happen now. Oh yeah, I know, he'll keep feigning interest in his daughter's well-being and talking to the media until he gets his own reality show that he so desperately craves. I'm not entirely sure how he hides his fangs or walks around in daylight, so I'm wondering if a stake would work. Hey, can't hurt to try!

Recycled Freckletits pics (click thumbnails for NSFW pics):

The Mingling Mothers, a networking group for Long Island mothers, gave Dina Lohan a "Top Mom" award this week. Take a moment to let that sink in. Dina Lohan got an award for being a good mother. Dina Lohan. Award. In a shocking twist, her ex-husband, Michael Lohan, thinks this might be the dumbest thing he's ever heard. He tells Page Six:

Are you kidding! Top celebrity mom? Look at her off-screen antics, her lack of morals and how she conducts herself. I guess they forgot to mention how this top super-mom leaves her kids alone at night and even parties in their presence. Just wait until we go back to court. "She comes stumbling out of Butter at 3:15 a.m. with bloodshot eyes and a red runny nose, yelling 'Oh, [bleep],' when she saw the paparazzi..."

Lindsay Lohan is broke and washed up at 21, and her 14 year old sister, Ali, looks like a 45 year old bartender, so who better to win this award than Dina Lohan? Stay tuned next week when Myanmar wins the "Top Vacation Spot" award and Roger Clemens is expected to walk away with "Top Husband" honors. Congratulations!

Lindsay and her boyfriend a couple nights ago:

Michael Lohan, Lindsay's dad and former stockbroker, was hoping for a reconciliation with his daughter after he was released from prison on March 13th where he spent 20 months for drunk driving. When the pair talked on the phone, Lindsay was less than receptive. Page Six reports:

Lindsay Lohan finally talked to her estranged, felonious father, Michael Lohan, and told him, "You still haven't changed. Don't go near my mother ever again," a source told Page Six. "It wasn't the phone call Michael wanted."

Like most people sent to prison or a foxhole, Michael Lohan has reportedly found religion and is anxious to prove to his daughter that he has changed. He blames Paul Sullivan, Dina Lohan's brother, who is about to be sentenced on April 27th for mail fraud, for most of his legal troubles and his daughter alienating herself from him. He also blames him for shooting J.R. and kidnapping Adam Carrington.

Lindsay Lohan and Robbie Williams at The Tudors premiere:

Labels: dina lohan, lindsay lohan, michael lohan, robbie williams