Lindsay Lohan is dropping her last name because she hates her dad. And because she can. From PopEater:

Diddy did it. So did Madonna and Prince, and now you can add Lindsay Lohan to the list of celebrities who are opting for a single moniker, with the troubled star's mom, Dina, confirming to me that Lindsay plans to remove "Lohan" from her official name.

"Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay," Dina tells me, exclusively. "Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."

Lindsay had been thinking about dropping her surname for some time but at first thought no one would know who she was. It was only after the infamous Super Bowl E-trade advertisement referring to a baby as "that milkaholic Lindsay," that the actress knew she no longer needed it.

"So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list," a family friend tells me. "And it's a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay's father [Michael Lohan] anymore and that includes sharing a last name."

Of course, Michael Lohan denied everything.

Michael responded with a clear denial later Friday during a visit to Jane Velez-Mitchell's hit HLN show. "I don't think it's true at all," he said. "I would never imagine any of my kids changing their name, especially Lindsay."

While I admit it makes sense for Dina Lohan to change her last name (she's been divorced for years), I don't see this working out. Despite releasing some shitty albums before getting dropped from her label, Lindsay isn't known for being a pop star, and this isn't a smart move for a would-be film star. Beyonce, Prince, Diddy, and Madonna are known for their talent, their longevity, and their brands. Lindsay is known for her addictions to Captain, coke, cock, and cuffs. She may want to focus on getting work before worrying about how many Ls are in the marquee.

When he's not forcibly inserting himself into other people's drama or being a sanctimonious asshole by preaching like he's some sort of Yoda Jesus in acid washed jeans, Michael Lohan (seen here wearing his futility belt), is an unstable lunatic and felon who likes to beat women. Rawr! TMZ reports:

Law enforcement sources tell us ... Lohan's girlfriend filed a report with the L.A. County Sheriff's Department between 9:30 and 10:00 PM tonight ... claiming they got into an argument that turned physical ... and she had some visible marking from the alleged incident. Cops went out and tracked down Lohan -- and arrested him on suspicion of domestic violence. We're told Lohan was taken to a nearby hospital to be checked for a medical condition unrelated to the alleged attack ... but afterward, he'll be taken to a Sheriff's station to be booked. UPDATE: Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... Lohan will be charged with domestic violence, false imprisonment, preventing the reporting of victimization. Lohan was admitted into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after complaining of chest pains.

Is there one single member of this family who is worth being kept alive? One? Dina is an enabling cunt who should have her vagina sewn shut, Lindsay is an unrepentant drug addict and menace who truly believes the world revolves around her, Ali looks like a teenage Bulgarian boy who can't afford the rest of his estrogen shots, and this asshole needs to be duct taped to the steering wheel of his Camaro and pushed into a river. I think there's a another kid, but I don't know his name. But I'm positive he has to stab homeless people in the chest to achieve orgasm.

Update: Read the police report HERE

Michael Lohan is completely sane update:

We're told Michael became upset that Kate was packing up for good, and "went ballistic." They started arguing, and Kate turned her back on him. She told cops, Michael then grabbed her and threw her across the room. Kate says she struck the bedpost with her left shoulder. Kate claims she threatened to call the cops, and then Michael allegedly took a towel and began choking her. She also claims Michael then threatened to cut himself with a razor blade and tell cops she did it -- if she called police. Kate went to the Sheriff's sub-station, where cops photographed what we're told are "visible injuries."

Even though his daughter has been to rehab six times and has ingested more semen and blow than an Adam Lambert clone army, Michael Lohan has to decided to take his sanctimonious, judgmental talents to write an open letter to Charlie Sheen in a effort help the actor cure his addiction. Oh, and get his name in the news. Let's don't forget that. RadarOnline reports:

Charlie,

I have been wanting to speak to you for some time. I know that you and Emilio both know Lindsay, and while I can't say the same about knowing you, I can say that I do know the path, the pain and what you your dad and the rest of your family have been going through. Both as an addict and a father, I have seen, felt and caused the pain. I have struggles just like the rest of us. People I admire, such as Jane Velez Mitchell (in her book Addict Nation) and Dr. Drew, shows so often on his show and interviews, we live with a disease. The problem between addiction and other diseases is the addiction is selfish, it's a lie, and addiction takes other lives in so many ways. And while, there is NO CURE for addiction, where there is for other diseases, we can overcome it and control it like Lindsay has. BUT it's up to you. Just look at the damage you're causing Charlie. Not only to yourself, but to others. Look at your beautiful kids, Denise, Brooke and your family. I look at the same with Dina, my children and others. The network may be behind you and you may still have a job, but things like that WON'T last forever. God keeps knocking and giving you favor, but the chances will come to an end, and the leash will snap, and then you will be gone. Don't do that. Like Lindsay, you are blessed with talent, ability and gifts to touch lives in such positive ways. Look in the mirror, HONESTLY. And say to yourself, "Is this who I am? Is this what I want? And most importantly, I this what God and my family want to see me as?" There are a lot of people there for you. And it doesn't take a high end rehab to give you the help you need. I know that Dr Drew would be happy to help you. Like I said Charlie, we all have struggles; just as I do in so many ways. But the idea is to do something about it before it's too late. As a matter of fact, these words of inspiration have inspired me. So thanks and I hope you can say the same. God Bless you, and may God protect you and the lives you touch.

Best,

Michael Lohan

Right, because if you want to take advice from anyone, it's an ex-con in a mesh tank top with a Zune holster on his braided belt while his daughter is, at this exact moment, probably licking coke off the floor. With one of her high heels in her hand. And her panties around one ankle. And the blood...the blood. So much blood...oh, God. Oh, God! What happened here??!!

Lindsay Lohan hasn't managed to escape Betty Ford yet, so she has a lot of time to think about how she's pissed away every opportunity she's ever had on drugs, dick, and Voda and Red Bulls. Has she learned that she's responsible for her actions and that she's truly the one to blame for being a 24-year old coke whore with two DUIs and five stints in rehab? Of course not. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan is doing a lot of thinking at Betty Ford, and she's already reached one big conclusion -- she's in the mess she's in largely because of daddy Michael Lohan. Some of Lindsay's friends and relatives tell us ... LiLo is spending a lot of time talking to counselors about the path that led her to drug and alcohol addiction. And she's convinced the nightmare of growing up in such a dysfunctional family has taken its toll. Lindsay repeatedly talks about allegations Dina made in her divorce papers ... that Michael abused her. Lindsay says she witnessed it firsthand, and it's still tough to deal with. In particular, Lindsay claims she had to step in and protect her mother from Michael. Michael has denied allegations of physical abuse. Our sources say Lindsay talks a lot about growing up with a dad who was periodically behind bars. Add to that -- she moved out to L.A. at a very young age, with almost no parental supervision. And, Lindsay believes, the tabloid scrutiny of her life has taken its toll.

Man, what would make a person so paranoid and delusional that they concoct widely unbelievable stories and a web of lies to justify their actions? Oh, yeah. That's right.

Hollywood wild child Lindsay Lohan is being treated for cocaine addiction at the Betty Ford Clinic, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned. "Lindsay's primary problem is cocaine," said a source, close to the situation. "She went through a thorough assessment, and it was discovered that she has a high dependence for cocaine."

I don't know, I get the feeling that this time will be different. I just know that Lindsay will emerge from rehab stronger and better, ready to take the world head on because she feels invincible. Invincible enough that she'll take a speedball or jump off a roof because she's high as shit and thinks she just grew wings so I never have to write about this cunt again. The end.

Michael Lohan is exploiting his daughter’s release from rehab by… surprise surprise… making it about him. He's claiming that he's moving to California to open up his own rehab facility. No, you're not hallucinating. RadarOnline.com reports:

"Yes, it's, true, I'll be running it," Lohan told us in an exclusive interview. "I think it's time that Dina and I both step out of the media for a while, and for me that means getting back to what I know best -- helping people with addiction."

Let that last line marinate for a minute... a Lohan is claiming his strongest attribute has anything to do with sobriety. His very own daughter is famous for doing more coke than Scarface, but yeah, I buy this. On a side note, Bill Clinton did not have sex with that woman and Lottery Ticket is going to win an Oscar.

For the second time this week, a member of the Lohan family was arrested and booked for a crime. Awesome! People reports:

Michael, 50, will be arraigned next month for second-degree harassment after his fiancée Kate Major alleged he shoved and kicked her. Michael has denied the allegations.

Hopefully when these two get out they can sell heroin in a school zone or call 911 to report their plutonium was stolen. You know, to fully drive the point home that they may not be the best at making life decisions.

Note: Christ, gossip sucks today. So to help out, here are some pics for you to choose from: Rosie Jones topless or a pink pony. Enjoy!

Lindsay Lohan is set to star as cock-swallowing Linda Lovelace in the upcoming movie, Inferno, and while it seems like good casting to me, her dad doesn't really thing so.

"Oh, I don't even want to go there!" he told UsMagazine.com Friday at the Hassle at the Castle Charity Boxing Event in NYC. Asked if he thinks the move will hurt her career, he snapped, "What do you think? Come on! Seriously - why? She did Parent Trap, Confessions [of a Teenage Drama Queen], Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, Just My Luck and Herbie. And you know what? Georgia Rule was a fantastic movie. People don't give her credit for it, but that was one of her best acting jobs. But I mean, she started with Parent Trap and now this? Why? Who makes these decisions? If I was there, it would never happen, believe me. There's no way to resurrect your career after that. So many people have come to me with offers for Lindsay for great family-style films, general audience kind of releases, but you know ... whatever." "The girl is such an amazing, talented, gifted and loving person," he told Us of his daughter. "She's been consumed by the people, the lifestyle, but you know what? Don't give up hope. I am telling you now, if she gets the help that she needs, she is going to be right back on top, just like Robert Downey Jr."

I really don't give a shit about this story, so I'll just say that your discerning eye might deduce that this post contains no pictures of Michael Lohan or Lindsay Lohan, yet it contains Megan Fox in a bikini with her tongue out and licking stuff. Why yes, yes it does. If that's a problem for you, you can always go back to bedazzling your doll's dresses and drawing a picture of you and Robert Pattinson on a unicorn, you big fag.

Hopefully it won't take Lindsay until she's 49 to have her first heart attack.TMZ reports:

Michael Lohan was taken to a hospital in New York after suffering chest pains that radiated to his arms. Kate says an EKG showed evidence of a heart attack. Kate says Michael is at St. Francis Hospital in Manhasset. She says Michael will undergo a "procedure" but wasn't specific. Back on March 6, Michael suffered chest pains and was told by his doctor that he needed a heart catheterization.

Michael Lohan married Dina Lohan and his seed made Lindsay Lohan possible, so if anybody deserves to die a painful death, it's this douchebag (check banner pic for further details). If we're lucky, maybe this is some new reality show. Final Destination: New Jersey, for instance.