Let's face it, most Hollywood actresses aren't really all that hot. You can go to any college campus in America and find a million chicks who make Cameron Diaz, Sarah Jessica Parker, and the cast of Big Love look like something Captain Kirk would fight. Sure, they look human on magazine covers then you meet them in person and realize it's all calk and duct tape. Unlike Mila Kunis last night. You won't see anything more beautiful today unless you see a little girl give a lion a flower or basket of puppies sitting on a cloud.

I can think of worse things than Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman having sex. In fact, I can think of a lot of worse things. So, if I could buy my ticket for Black Swan right now, chances are very favorable that I would. Script Editor reports:

"Can I just tell you why none of my review matters? Can I just tell you why my review is absolutely pointless? Because in this movie, Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis have sex," the review reads. "Yeah. You read that right. And not just nice sweet innocent sex either. We're talking ecstasy-induced hungry aggressive angry sex. Yeah so...this movie is already on the must-see list of 2010."

Darren Aronofsky is a damn genius, and when you can get Jennifer Connelly to fuck another girl with a double-sided dildo then get Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman to go down on each other, you should probably be paraded down the street like Xerses.

Scientists still haven't figured out how Macauley Culkin convinced Mila Kunis to marry him, but whatever he did he should feel me in, because I could use the help. Just don't tell me it's ether. That doesn't work. I hoped the roses and candles would help, but apparently it's not as romantic as I thought.

It's the Dirty Dancing Workout, and I ordered it because it's less painful than sitting through Dirty Dancing again. That and: sweatpants. [BestWeekEver]

Dominic Cooper has broken up with his g/f of 12 years to date Mama Mia's Amanda Seyfried, and you can bet that something bad will come of that [LaineyGossip]

Lilly Allen should keep her knees together [TaxiDriverMovie]

Mila Kunis: ZOMBIE! [Just Jared]

Bridget Marquardt says Hugh Hefner is "rude" for replacing pictures of her with pictures of his new girlfriends. Because it makes total sense that new girlfriends want pics of your ex all around the house, right? [HollywoodRag]

KAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHN! Died. [PinkIsTheNewBlog]

Lady GaGa goes out sans pants. [DrunkenStepfather]

Busted ass celeb of the day: Paula Abdul and her probable nose job [CityRag]

Piece of ass Mila Kunis was on set this week filming a new movie called, Extract. I have no idea what it's about, but based on these pictures, I think it has something to do with Mila Kunis walking and leaning over so you can see her tits. Thank God. When I first heard the title, I thought somebody had bought the rights to that one time David Beckham and I had to go to the emergency room. How embarrassing!