Miley Cyrus was in Brazil with her whore mom and they got matching tattoos to celebrate they're both whores I guess. And what better way to celebrate your vagina's death due to shitty parenting by posing topless while getting a tattoo with your mom standby nearby? I would care what the tattoo is but it's more than likely a bible verse or the family moonshine recipe.

Let's not even get into the fact that Miley Cyrus wasn't even born when this song came out, and let's really not even get into the fact that if Kurt Cobain was alive he'd make fun of her. But here's Miley Cyrus performing Nirvana's "Smell Like Teen Spirit" at one of her concerts. Yeah. As expected, you don't even have to watch the video to know it sucks, but if you need a reason to hate her more, feel free. I'm not really sure what she's doing when the music starts, but I assume she walked over a downed power line.

Since I generally like to make every post about me, whenever I meet someone, first they ask me if I speak Spanish. When I tell them no, they seem confused then awkwardly ask what the hell I am, basically. When I answer, 9 times out of 10 they follow with, "Oh, really?! My great-grandmother was 1/16 Cherokee!". I'm not sure if they expect a hug or want me to trade with them or what, but this is really my long-winded segue into saying that a chick who was probably conceived on a flatbed truck with a bottle with Xs on it nearby has a tattoo of a dream catcher. Then posed with it in pigtails. Okay, you've seen Pocahontas. We get it. But I'm pretty sure Pocahontas has better weed.

Miley Cyrus is reportedly on the verge of suing the company who has manufactured and is now selling a sex doll (it has "3 achey love holes"!!!) in her likeness. The Sun reports:

Kevin Johnson of Pipedream Products, the company behind the doll, said: "We are completely sold out already — it's been on the market for less than 48 hours." The wayward Disney star, 18, is not the first celebrity to be recreated as a sex toy. Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson and Beyonce also have sex blow-up replicas made in their honour. Some have been removed from sale "for legal reasons". But despite rumours of Miley's pending lawsuit, the company is yet to remove the doll from the market. Johnson said: "We haven't received a cease and desist letter from her attorneys yet, but I have seen those rumours circling online. "That probably means it will happen soon enough."

I'm not really sure what's she's mad about, but if I had to guess, it's because the chick on the box is a billion times hotter than her in every possible way. I'd fuck this box before I fucked the actual Miley Cyrus.

Billy Ray Cyrus apparently has a change of heart about Bret Michaels' penis being inside his wife of 17 years. He no longer wants to divorce her. Us Magazine reports:

Miley Cyrus' dad Billy Ray, 49, has nixed proceedings to end his 17-year marriage with wife, Tish. On March 11, Cyrus' lawyer Robert L. Jackson filed a "voluntarily dismissal and non-suit," a clerk for the Williamson County Chancery Court in Tennessee tells UsMagaine.com. Judge James Martin entered the judgment and signed the order to dismiss the divorce that day. "I've dropped the divorce," Billy Ray said on an episode of The View airing Friday. "I want to put my family back together -- Things are the best they've ever been."

I'm not going to lie, I think it's pretty admirable that he can put his feelings of betrayal aside to keep his family intact. It kinda makes me have the closest thing to respect that he'll ever get from me. But to reiterate, his wife banged a dude who wears a bandanna and has blood on his brain. If her vagina makes a happy face for a dude who might stroke out by standing up too fast, he's basically keeping the family intact just for show. Because obviously she's passing out her clitoris like Tic Tacs.

Miley Cyrus is reportedly sexting Kings Of Leon bassist Jared Followill, so I hope this isn't one of the pictures she sent. I mean, does she want him to fuck her or earn a merit badge by trying to get whatever the fuck that is off her head?

I see where this is going:

For years, Billy Ray Cyrus has been content to be a dumb hillbilly with a soul patch who was content to sit back back and let his daughter, Miley Cyrus, foot the bill for his life of undeserved excess. But then she started to go crazy. Knowing Miley might not shit golden eggs for long, he did an interview with GQ and went all Dina Lohan where he threw anyone and everyone except himself under the bus. Looking for a big payday for "exclusive" interviews, Billy Ray Cyrus had planned a whirlwind media tour, with the next stop being The View. Then I guess Miley stopped a payment on one of his checks. Popeater reports:

Now he goes and upsets TV legend Barbara Walters after his daughter forced him to drop out of a scheduled interview on 'The View' this week. "When Miley found out her father was scheduled to appear on 'The View' on Wednesday she went nuts," a family friend tells me. "Only last week, Billy shot his mouth off in GQ, and now he planned to sit down with [Barbara and Whoopi] and talk more crap about his family. No way would Miley or her team let that happen." The GQ interview started off a firestorm after Billy Ray's bombshell that he feels isolated from his daughter, blaming everyone but himself. "I'm scared for her," he said in the interview. "She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm." Billy Ray's comments had come out of nowhere, leaving everyone, including Miley, to wonder why her dad had decided to go public with private family matters. "At first Miley defended her dad, wanting to believe he had been tricked into saying bad things by the magazine," an insider with knowledge of situation tells me. "Miley truly wanted to give her father the benefit of the doubt, goodness knows she's said things she wishes she could take back. But after she found out about his media trip to New York, no more excuses could be made."

Of course, Billy Ray Cyrus will release a statement in a few days painting himself as the selfless hero saying he canceled out of respect for his daughter and that instead of trying to help her through the media, he believes he should work through Miley's issues with her lovingly and privately. And of courser, that's pretty much bullshit. So, as he reads that statement, imagine him on his knees in front of a flag with a pillow case over his head and an AK-47 pointed at his neck. That should clear up any misconceptions you might have with all this.

In a new interview in GQ, Billy Ray Cyrus finally realizes that whoring his daughter out when she was 13 might not have been the best idea.

"I'm scared for [Miley]," says Billy Ray, who expressed feelings of helplessness as his little girl -- who became a Disney star in her tweens -- became the center of one controversy after another. "She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger. I know she's 18, but I still feel like as her daddy I'd like to try to help," he says. "At least get her out of danger. I want to get her sheltered from the storm. Stop the insanity just for a minute." But the "Achy Breaky Heart" singer says he's probably been given too much of the blame for Miley's endless antics -- from her topless Vanity Fair cover to her pole dancing routine at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards to a recent bong-smoking incident- "Well, I took it, because I'm her daddy, and that's what daddies do. 'Okay, nail me to the cross, I'll take it....'" he tells GQ. But he drew the line at attending her 18th birthday party -- which was held at a bar, just a few weeks after Miley's salvia-bong scandal. "It was wrong. It was for 21 years old and up... I said, 'This whole thing's falling apart up there and they just want to blame all of this stuff on you again.' I'm staying out of it." Billy Ray then spoke about Hollywood tragedies Kurt Cobain, Michael Jackson and Anna Nicole Smith -- drawing vague parallels to his own daughter's wild life. "I'm concerned about Miley. I think that [Cobain's] world was just spinning so fast and he had so many people around him that didn't help him. Like Anna Nicole Smith--you could see that train wreck coming...Michael Jackson—I was trying to reach out to Michael Jackson." Among his mistakes? Being a "friend" to his daughter versus a parent."I should have been a better parent," he says. "I should have said, 'Enough is enough--it's getting dangerous and somebody's going to get hurt.' I should have, but I didn't... Honestly, I didn't know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere." And the show that made his daughter a superstar has become a dirty word for Billy Ray, he said. Hannah Montana, he tells GQ, "destroyed my family...the damn show destroyed my family...It's all sad." Does he wish Miley had never been cast in the show? "I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just everybody be okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I'd erase it all in a second if I could."

I know this is the time where I should step back and sympathize with a man who got caught up in whirlwind of fame and the millions of dollars his daughter made him, but I'll could come up with is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!