Candid pictures of Mischa Barton in Australia hit online earlier this week, and hopefully by now you've got the taste of bile out of your mouth. Of course all Hollywood stars are perfect and without flaws of any kind, Mischa Barton is now claiming these pictures are fake. Rush & Molloy reports:

Barton's publicist contends that Aussie photographer Jamie Fawcett - whom she calls a "parasite" - is out to make the former "O.C." star look bad because "she called him out for taking the topless shots."..."Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, tells us. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." "Look at the shots that were taken shortly before on a beach in L.A. Did she develop all that cellulite in a couple of weeks? There's a lot you can do with Photoshopping."

That's true. There is a lot you can do with Photoshop. There's also a lot you can do with 82 packs of cigarettes a day, bad eating habits, and no exercise. Namely, get an ass that looks like Mischa Barton's. I looked it up, and the only other way to get thighs like is to get cursed by a witch.

The NHL is Elisha Cuthbert's Neverland Ranch, so here she is in Hawaii with her boyfriend, Calgary Flames defenseman, Dion Phaneuf. Surprise. If you're keeping score at home, that makes hockey player boyfriend number three. At this point, they should put a picture of her vagina on center ice. It can't hurt. Dion Phaneuf just tried to say something in her defense, but it seems I can't hear him over his shorts.

New nickname for Elisha Cuthber's vagina - "penalty box." Zing!

Mischa Barton was arrested at 2:45 a.m. on Thursday in West Hollywood after police spotted her straddling two lanes of traffic. Turns out she had a good excuse. She was really fucked up. TMZ reports:

A West Hollywood police source tells TMZ that when she was arrested, Mischa Barton blew a .12 on her breathalyzer test, smoked marijuana that day (which cops found) and had prescription drugs in her possession -- that weren't hers!"

Man, what a sexy life Mischa Barton leads! Glamorous days and nights filled with tequila shots, weed, and stolen pills. It's just like that movie Enchanted, but with way more hallucinations.

Nice pants, dumbass:

Jessica Alba is engaged [Dlisted]
Rihanna's booty slip [Hollywood Tuna]
Angelina Jolie loves filming sex scenes [Hollywood Rag]
Carmen Electra strips in Vegas [City Rag]
Jamie Lynn Spears interview [College Humor]
Kristen Bell is in a bikini [Egotastic]
Lindsay Lohan hangs with more Gingers [Just Jared]
Nicolette Sheridan is in a bikini (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mariah Carey looks ridiculous [Popsugar]
Lil' Kim flashes her panties (NSFW ads) [Taxi Driver Movie]
David Beckham loves the gays [ASL]
John Cusack is not Kevin Spacey [Popoholic]

Mischa Barton getting released from jail earlier today:

Mischa Barton got herself arrested this morning for DUI and was released from jail around 10 a.m. TMZ reports:

According to a press release issued by the L.A. County Sheriff's Department, the former "O.C." star was pulled over early this morning around 2:45 AM as she was driving in West Hollywood, Calif. Cops say she "was seen straddling two lanes of traffic and failed to signal when making a turn." When deputies pulled her over, they determined that she "was an unlicensed driver and was driving while under the influence of an alcoholic beverage."

The last time we posted about Mischa Barton on this site was when she got too high on mushrooms and "thought she was dying" at Nicole Richie's house and ended up at the hospital. And pretty much every post before that had something to do with drugs and public nudity. So, yeah, her DUI is the least surprising news I've heard this year and, frankly, long overdue. It's like she's not even trying. Mischa, either release that sex tape of you, the horse, and the German Shepherd, or go away, because you're boring. And by that I mean, you're boring. Even when you get a DUI, you're boring. I'm yawning as I write this, and ZZzzzz...boringzzzzzzz.

Mischa Barton's mugshot:


Classic Mischa:

Apparently since nobody wants to hang out with her, Paris Hilton reportedly called her ex-friend Mischa Barton wanting to mend their relationship. It turned out exactly the way you imagined:

[Paris was] cooing about mending their prickly relationship - and gushing that of all her frenemies, she's missed the ex-"O.C." star the most! Said a source: "Paris then went into a rant about the mess Nicole Richie' made of her life, how Britney Spears snubbed her - and that Lindsay Lohan's white trash and destined to be dead soon." Soured by Paris's poison tongue, Mischa blew off an invite for a just-us-girlies get-together...and hung up abruptly. Just days later...you guessed it!... Mischa heard Paris was slamming her as "a jealous witch!"

Yeah, that has to be it. Mischa Barton is just jealous. Because, really, what woman wouldn't be? Herpes, size 14 feet, glass eye, DUI conviction, video of her sucking dick on the internet. Paris has it all, man.

What Paris did over the last 2 days:


Source

Mischa Barton was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital last night after "suffering an adverse reaction to medication." TMZ reports:

...the former "OC" star was at a friend's Memorial Day BBQ enjoying a few holiday cocktails when she began to feel extremely ill. Mischa, who has been quite sick with bronchitis since traveling to Cannes, London and Paris the past several weeks, apparently didn't get the memo -- you can't drink alcohol while taking antibiotics!"

Mischa Barton's publicist probably had this excuse sitting on ready since the unofficial reason she was rushed to the hospital was because she was high on mushrooms and cocaine and panicked to the point where she "thought she was dying." This is a more reasonable scenario, because Mischa Barton likes drugs. This of course is not to be confused with the time that the paramedics had to come to my birthday party because I mixed wine coolers with Flinstone vitamins. What can I say? I'm pretty hardcore like that.

Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie shopping before the party:


Note: Yes, that's Mischa Barton with bronchitis smoking marijuana on a yacht in Cannes in the banner picture.

Mischa Barton doesn't need a bra for reasons we don't need to get into here, so it was only a matter of time before pictures like these of her at The Berkeley Hotel with her breast hanging out showed up online. They're confusing because Mischa Barton is absolutely gorgeous from the neck up, but from the neck down it's a mess. It's all ribcage and hips. Sorry to ruin it for you, man. I know how you feel. I could barely even finish masturbating to these just thinking about it.

Click thumbnails for larger, NSFW pics:


Update: More pictures added.


Note: We know it's lets, not let's.