I've come to terms with the fact that no matter how many times I strum that cardboard box with the rubber bands wrapped around it, and Juan bangs on his disposable cups with his Paper Mate pens, and Roberta screams into her phone receiver, we'll never be Led Zeppelin.

Britney should do the same.

No matter how often Britney Spears wears these skanky clothes and shows the world her various weathered and gravitated body parts, she'll never be that teenager in the schoolgirl uniform again. And that's OK. Now put some clothes on and go home, you filthy hooker. Dignity is your friend.


Source: TMZ

Update: Now with NSFW picture grossness:

At the request of Britney Spears and her attorneys, an emergency hearing was called today in the ongoing child custody case between Spears and Kevin Federline. Her lawyers were there, Federline was there, guess where Britney was? TMZ says:

Brit arrived at the courthouse and went through the metal detector, but then had a change of heart and didn't want to go inside the courtroom. Sources told TMZ Brit wanted visitation restored in a "therapeutic setting" -- meaning under the treatment of medical professionals -- but that wasn't gonna happen, especially since she never showed to make a plea...Britney Spears was shut down in her attempt to regain some sort of visitation. There are no changes. K-Fed has sole custody and no visitation for Brit for now."

Apparently the whole "therapeutic setting" thing also went over well:

As we first reported, Britney's lawyers know they're up against it -- their client has some sort of bipolar disorder but has refused to commit herself to a mental hospital for evaluation and treatment. She cannot be involuntarily committed. So, her lawyers and family have devised a "creative way" of treating Brit, and they wanted the Commish to let her visit the kids while she undergoes treatment. We're told Commish Gordon was unmoved, especially since he has repeatedly ordered Brit to undergo a court-ordered psych evaluation, but she has refused. We're also told Brit's lawyers said this "creative" treatment has not yet commenced."

I guess Britney is just pacing herself. The first couple of court hearings she never showed up, the last she made it to the parking lot, this time she made it through the metal detector. Who knows, maybe next time she'll make it all the way to the water fountain. Or maybe not, I agree she should take it slow. Because in a fight for a parent to keep their kids, you'd hate for them to get tired out.

Britney and her on-again paparazzo boyfriend crashing into a motorcyle last night:

This may come as a shock, but a few reports came out yesterday afternoon claiming that Britney Spears might be mentally unstable. One report claims she wrote an unused (frown) suicide note, and another report claims she was walking around naked in a Betsey Johnson store then had sex with Adnan in a dressing room. Now Britney might be pregnant by the man who has stalked her for 7 years. OK! Magazine says:

Now the pop star has lost both custody and visitation rights with her precious sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James and, as an insider reveals only in the new issue of OK!, friends fear she may seek to heal her loneliness by having another child--this time with her married paparazzo boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib! "Britney hates when things are taken from her," a family member of Kevin Federline tells OK!. "The court's taken Preston and Jayden away, so she'll just have another kid to take their place. That's the way she thinks."

If you still have any doubt about Britney's true feelings for her kids, let's hope this clears it up. They're toys that are easily replaced. The doctor could hand Britney a Baby Alive doll in the delivery room and she wouldn't notice for about two weeks.

Video captures of Britney and Adnan buying a pregnancy test at Rite-Aid a few days ago (click thumbnails for larger images):



Britney and Adnan buying a bunch of candy yesterday:

Britney Spears had a custody hearing today which was scheduled at around 9:30 a.m. Pacific time. She was a no-show until around 1:15 p.m. Pacific. The black SUV was driven by her head parasite, Osama Lufti, and also in the car was her paparazzo boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib. She arrived at the courthouse clad in a slutty, white lace dress. She entered the courthouse and left only a few minutes later. Then she went to a church and left a few minutes later. Then she went to a mall on Ventura Blvd. and ate at the Gaucho Grill. Then she went home with Osama and Adnan.

Then she strapped a bomb to her back, went to Starbucks, screamed "Caramel, extra whip, PRAISE ALLAH, BOOM!!" See, gotcha there, didn't I?

Update: Osama + Adnan + Sheeraz =


Update: The court rules Britney still can't have custody or visitation rights. TMZ reports:

The Commissioner has just ruled that Britney will not have visitation restored, at least until the next hearing on February 19. The order came after the testimony several people, including two LAPD cops who responded to the craziness a week ago Thursday; Lisa Hacker, a parenting coach; Loni Jones, a bodyguard, and Pamela Strong, the court monitor who was present during the drama. K-Fed's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan testified as well.

Story developing ..."

Britney Spears is due in court today to try and get her kids back, and she's doing all she can to help. Seen all over L.A. this weekend with her paparazzi boyfriend, Adnan Ghalib, Britney showed up at the Keyes Mercedes-Benz dealership in the San Fernando Valley wearing her wedding dress in which she married Kevin Federline. The Daily Mail says:

The strange fashion choice has sparked rumors that her new man, photographer Adnan Ghalib has concocted a plan to marry the star in an attempt to secure her fortune and lucrative exclusive picture deals..."He said he'd 'struck gold' in all ways and was going to keep hold of her for as long as he could." One of his relatives has also stepped in to comment on the relationship. "All he wanted to do was get close enough for some special pictures. "But now he dare not lift a camera when he's with her or she'll rumble him and kick him out. "So instead he's cleverly changed tack, says he's planning a long-term relationship with Britney and that they have discussed marriage. "He is still wed so he knows he can't do anything until there's a divorce from his wife. He's probably working on that already."

And, of course, Britney is totally clueless:

Britney is apparently also convinced a new marriage will help her win back her children who are in the custody of her ex, Kevin Federline..."She's been discussing all these wacky plans to reinvent her life and convince the courts she is a good mother. She has discussed in depth a fake death, moving abroad and even plastic surgery. It is scary to hear her romanticize about these insane plans. "She believes she could spend six months away and make a comeback as Britney the world's best mother."

I think it would be funny if Adnan dropped little clues for Britney, like wearing contact lenses with dollar signs on them or drawing pictures of himself sitting on a mountain of gold. Or instead of a wedding dress, he could dress her up as an ATM. So when Britney is under the couch looking for her wallet, it can be like a game!

The happy couple during a quiet trip to Rite-Aid and Macy's this weekend, where Britney loses it on a pap using her new British accent at 4:15. Gee, I wonder how they knew Britney was going to be there?:

TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears was released from Cedars-Sinai this morning via an underground tunnel after a visit from Dr. Phil of all people and behaving like an absolute nightmare.

We are hearing from multiple sources that Britney Spears is throwing a fit on the 7th floor of Cedars-Sinai. She is demanding to leave, screaming at the staff, will not lie or sit still, we're told. From all indications, she is being held on a 5150, which means she is a danger to herself and others. Typically, people in that situation can be held for 72 hours against their will. We have also been told she has pulled her IV out and is generally out of control. Another source at the hospital tells TMZ she could be heard yelling at various staffers and she was described by nurses as being "difficult."

About her release:

Sources say the hospital released her without notifying any of the principles involved in the ongoing kiddie drama. So, you ask, how could she have been released so quickly, given that she had been declared a danger to herself and others? We're told the "5150 hold" means that she can be held against her will for a max of 72 hours, but if the hospital determines she is no longer a danger, they can release her before that."

I'm sure all the hospital staffers breathed a collective sigh of relief when that spoiled pain in the ass left the hospital. One day with Britney must have felt worse than a day in Hell. In Britney Hell you're left scraping wads off chewing gum off the furniture, picking up clumps of dirty hair extensions, and struggling to keep your balance on the fast-food grease covered floor as you chase after the plethora of wayward Starbucks cups. I'm pretty sure I'd rather be on fire with a pitchfork stuck in my ass, thank you.

Update: Here's a video Hollywood.TV and the Insider just sent us of Britney driving around her Hollywood Hills home/community around noon today - just hours after she was released from the hospital. Release the hounds!


Note: It's rumored that shortly before this video was shot, she kicked her dad out of her house and left to help one of her "friends" get through security at her community's front gate, which is probably what was going on in this video.

Gee, what a surprise. People reports:

Kevin Federline is "awarded sole legal custody and sole physical custody of the minor children," court Commissioner Scott Gordon said in a written ruling after an emergency hearing. Gordon said Spears's "visitation with the minor children is suspended pending further order of the court." The order is in effect until Jan. 14. After the 40-minute hearing, Federline's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan said: "There are no winners here." He said he was "not happy about any of the events that have happened."...Spears, meanwhile, is not facing any criminal charges - for now. "The LAPD is not planning to file any charges against Ms. Spears at this time," Officer April Harding tells PEOPLE. "The investigation is ongoing."

Wow, the judge couldn't just post a MySpace blog or send Britney a text? We needed a hearing for this? Because unless Kevin Federline has a gateway to hell in his basement, this was pretty much the consensus.

TMZ has the court docs here.


Bonus: Here's video of Kevin Federline protecting his kids from a crazy paparazzo last night. Federline is driving the pick-up truck, and the kids are in the white Escalade in front of him.

Okay, long story as short as possible...

Britney Spears was ordered to return the kids back to K-Fed by 7 p.m. tonight. She refused. She locked herself in her bathroom with her kids and basically held them hostage until a crapload of police, firemen, paramedics, paparazzi, and helicopters swarmed her home, and after an approximate 90 minute standoff the kids were taken away from her. It was then discovered Britney was "under the influence," "intoxicated," and "a danger to herself and others." Then she and one of the kids (reportedly Jayden James, the youngest child) were transported to Cedars-Sinai hospital.

When Britney arrived at the hospital she was reportedly smiling and flipping off the paparazzi who were waiting at the emergency entrance. Witnesses inside the hospital say when Britney was inside she was screaming, making a huge scene, saying she'd "rather die" than let K-Fed have her kids, and then may or may not have been restrained and sedated. She is now reportedly on medical hold for mental evaluation.

That's the most up to date crap I have for you in a nutshell after all the news reports and emails. Whatever. The dumb ho is still alive, retarded, and abusing her kids. What else is new ... other than that fresh growth on Lindsay Lohan's labia. What, huh? That's right, girl. It's Gyno time.

All the pics I scraped up for you so far...


Sean Preston taken away from the scene:


The following images are courtesy of JFX Online:


Video courtesy of TMZ:


Update: Page Six is now reporting Britney is currently on suicide watch at Cedars-Sinai.

Another update: News sources are reporting Britney was transported to the hospital in handcuffs.

Britney getting wheeled out of her home on a gurney courtesy of TMZ:


Update: Britney was removed from her home in restraints. Click the photo below for the larger image: