Keeley Hazell hasn't been on here in a while, so it's time to all change that. Especially since she has the greatest pair of tits in the known galaxy. I swear, if my penis got anywhere inside this chick, I'd blow so hard she'd look like a dolphin.

Click the banner picture to see the rest of the NSFW gallery or click HERE to see God's miraculous wonders.

Our sister site, ShockTillYouDrop, pulled an exclusive out of their ass and got their hands on the red band trailer for Megan Fox's new horror-comedy, Jennifer's Body.

She took on wise-crackin', leg-humpin' robots in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, and now Megan Fox is wielding a voracious appetite and going head-to-head with Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer's Body, 20th Century Fox's horror offering arriving on September 18th. Screenwriter Diablo Cody (Juno) whipped up this hellish tale about a high school cheerleader (Fox), screwed over by a visiting rock band, who becomes possessed by a demon and begins to feed off of the fellas in her town.

Zombies and demons should really look into hot chicks. It would definitely make it a little easier on them. Megan Fox could tear my leg off after she finished my liver and there's a good chance I'd probably still cum at some point.

Megan's body:

This site has sorely been lacking tits lately, so Peta Todd and her perfect 30F's are here to change all that. In case you were wondering, Peta was a hairdresser in Essex before she was discovered by The Sun and became a Page 3 girl at 18. She's posed in FHM and Nuts, and once rode 400 miles on a bicycle for charity. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but at best, it will give you two something to talk about while you masturbate.

You can check out the rest of the gallery HERE (NSFW), but be warned, you might fall in love.

Of course the BET Awards last night turned into a Michael Jackson circle jerk,so of course somebody at some point was gonna do the moonwalk. That somebody was Jamie Foxx. Which brings up the point, the moonwalk is just walking backwards right? And if it's supposed to be an accurate representation of walking on the moon, then why are the laws of anti-gravity not being taken into account? How can this be an iconic dance when it's whole foundation is built on half-truths and scientific falsities?! DO NOT BE FOOLED ANY LONGER!!! WAKE UP AMERICA!!!

I have no idea who any of those people in the audience are and I don't look for pictures of Jamie Foxx, so here's Nell McAndrew naked in Loaded Magazine. Yay racism! (a few might be NSFW):

Shauna Sand is in a bikini in almost every picture she takes, but here she is with half of it off. I know I'm supposed to get excited about topless pictures, but my penis is so unimpressed he looks like a quadriplegic trying to swim. It's not happening. Because, just so we're clear, you're about to look at Shauna Sand's tits. You have a better chance of seeing something less scary if you were on board the Event Horizon.

If you're in a safe place and you want to take a long look at the unadulterated hell that are Shauna Sand's tits, feel free to stare into the abyss HERE (VERY NSFW). But be warned, when you stare too long into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you.

Gossip Girl star, Leighton Meester, is by all accounts boring. So congratulations, Leighton. You just got interesting. TMZ reports:

Spotted ... "Gossip Girl" star Leighton Meester having sex with her BF... on video. We've learned a Meester tape is being shopped around town. It was shot a few years back, and shows Leighton in mostly innocuous though nude scenes -- with several big exceptions ... one involving her very talented feet. We're told a company called celebhotline.com is negotiating for the video. The company's spokesperson, Kevin Blatt told us, "We've seen the tape and we're hoping to close the deal."

For her sake, let's hope her sex tape is better than mine. To be honest, it wasn't really sexy when I pulled my pants down and those two twins crossed themselves and ran away screaming. I wonder what their deal was?


NSFW UPDATE: Apparently the deal has been closed, because you can see the first images of the tape HERE. Or you can pull out your credit card and allegedly see more of it here.

Even though Kate Gosselin is a controlling, manipulative, emasculating, money hungry bitch, she goes to great lengths to paint herself as a loving and caring mother. Oh well, so much for that. inTouch Weekly reports:

On camera, TLC’s Jon & Kate Plus 8 star Kate Gosselin tries to portray herself as a supermom who can handle taking care of 8-year-old twins and 5-year-old sextuplets. These exclusive new photographs show that Kate’s composed demeanor may just be a facade. Behind the scenes, she seems to be unraveling. Around 11 a.m. on June 13, a witness spotted Kate, 34, and the children playing outside of their Reading, Pa., home. When Leah, one of the sextuplets, started blowing a whistle loudly, Kate told her to stop because she was on the phone. But as soon as Leah blew on the whistle again, Kate “seemed to lose her temper” and said, “Did you not hear me?” Then she stormed over to her daughter, grabbed her and hit her. “The girl was screaming and crying,” the witness adds. “Kate just pushed her away and walked off with her coffee. Her older sisters were trying to make Leah feel better.”

I'm not even sure where to begin on this one, because there's a good chance I might Hulk out halfway through and throw my television out of a four story window then jump out and throw the crane lift on the Mexican construction workers outside. Because, I say a lot of fucked shit on here, but anybody who hits a kid because they're pissed off deserves every hideous torture imaginable. Jesus, this chick has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Darth Vader cut off his own son's hand, but at least he didn't wear Keds and have a VIP card at Supercuts.

I have no idea who this guy is, but he pretty much sums up everything the world thinks of Kate Gosselin. Thanks random Internet guy! (NSFW language)

A sex tape featuring Rihanna and presumably Chris Brown has leaked online today. Of course this isn't to be confused with my single feat. T-Pain that was also leaked today. People might be surprised, but I really think it shows my sensitive side.

You can download the clip HERE, but be warned it's very, very NSFW. Especially if your office has a strict "no night vision" policy.

UPDATE: Yeah, so, the chick in this video may or not be Rihanna and may or may not be a black porn star named Lavish Styles. So sorry if it turns out to be the other chick. I'll admit, if black porn was a group of Facebook, I probably wouldn't ask to join.