I really have nothing to say except I wish I was one of those Native Americans who can shapeshift into animals because I'd go to Olivia Munn's house and change into a cute bunny. Then she'd get naked then I'd change back into me then we'd hump. I have it all planned out. Anyway, enjoy the pictures and the musical interlude while I go make more coffee. brb.

Brett Ratner was supposed to produce the Oscars. Then he pissed off a bunch of gays. Page Six says:

Director Brett Ratner was last night dramatically fired as producer of the Oscars after making bizarre remarks including, “Rehearsal is for fags.” “Tower Heist” helmer Ratner infuriated Hollywood with the gay slur when asked about his rehearsal process at a Q&A Friday at the ArcLight in LA. The same day, he went on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM show and got carried away in a raunchy discussion about sex, saying he sends women he sleeps with to his doctor to be checked for diseases. His publicists at Rubenstein p.r. last night confirmed to Page Six they’re no longer working with Ratner “because of artistic differences.” Reps for “Tower Heist” star Eddie Murphy, whom Ratner recruited to host the Feb. 26 awards, did not get back to us. The Academy said in a statement: “[Ratner] did the right thing for the Academy [by resigning] . . . Words have meaning, and they have consequences. Brett is a good person, but his comments were unacceptable.” A sober Ratner said, “I’ve gotten a well-deserved earful from many of the people I admire most in this industry expressing their outrage and disappointment over the hurtful and stupid things I said.”

Artistic differences my ass. This is the guy who directed Rush Hour. Brett Ratner alienated the only demographic that gives a shit about the show he was hired to produce. The only way he could have pissed more Hollywood suits off is if he also closed with a Holocaust joke.


*He also bragged about banging Olivia Munn before she was (openly) Asian, which is why she's pictured here instead of him. Hope you don't mind.

Daily Show correspondent Olivia Munn was at Caesars Palace Resort and Casino in Las Vegas last week where she was "having the best time" with Ultimate Fighting Championship founder Dana White and supermodel Selita Ebanks. Then she went outside. NY Daily News reports:

The 31-year-old approached a group of "about four others, both men and women," whom she had been seen with throughout the evening. The crowd stood near "a bunch of tables to the left of the entrance of Pure." Despite her previously sweet demeanor, Munn "started yelling and swearing," and apparently didn't care who heard. "You can go f— yourselves!" she told the group, adding that her "career will go on," but the slack-jawed group she was addressing was "going to have to kiss peoples' asses for the rest of [their] lives!" Our eyewitness said initially the group tried to calm the belligerent actress. "It's okay, we understand," one woman said nervously to Munn. But efforts to quiet the actress' outburst fell flat. Those in the group "weren't really talking much," said the spywitness, "just listening" to her yelling..."I'm rich!" Munn continued. "I come from a well-off family."...After Munn had completed her tirade, we're told, she stormed off, leaving the group in silence and bystanders in shock.

It's amazing how someone can walk into a Vegas nightclub happy and filled with joy then walk out a few hours later with paranoia and violent mood swings. It's almost like they did cocaine. The article goes on to say that this incident was due to somebody trying to "manhandle" her friends inside the club and that "profanity to protect them is the least aggressive thing she could have done in the moment." So, um, what would have been the most aggressive thing? She's a video game dork in a cocktail dress. Hit A+B+->+-> really fast? Challenge them to a game of Cranium? I guess what I'm saying is that maybe she should shut the fuck up before she's picking her teeth out of her forehead.

Everyone knows by now that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel broke up after four years because Timberlake wanted to take a Hollywood vagina tasting tour. But what you don't know is that Justin Timberlake is some sort of infidelity ninja, his penis lying in wait ready to strike at a moment's notice. Radar Online reports:

Star magazine claims that Justin had been “pursuing women behind Jessica’s back,” for a while and that he was spotted whispering with co-star Mila Kunis at a recent party. Justin reportedly “actively tried to pursue” Kunis last year, but she spurned his many advances. Mila and Justin filmed nude scenes together for Friends With Benefits in 2010, but despite his telling her that he and Jessica were secretly over, Mila didn’t take the bait. Knowing he still had a girlfriend, Mila didn’t accept his affections or advances. In addition, Timberlake was reportedly having “amazing sex” with Olivia Munn in October while they were filming together. According to other reports, Justin would often use a guy friend as his wingman and cover guy, having the buddy get a number from the girl and leave with her, while Justin would be the one who would eventually hook-up with her. As Justin’s fame is increasing with the attention he received from The Social Network, Jessica had tried being supportive, attending awards season parties with him, but the pair finally called it splits last week. And according to Us Weekly Timberlake was “miserable” with dating Biel for a couple of years and had been actively trying to end the relationship since January. “Justin thinks the breakup will be good because he can focus on his other ventures and just enjoy being single,” a source told the magazine. “You’d be surprised at how soon the love was lost on this one.

Don't get me wrong, Jessica Biel's ass could launch a thousand ships, but after four years sometimes you get tired of fucking a bitch. It happens. If you want unconditional love and someone to be happy every time you walk into a room, buy a dog. If you want to blow me in exchange for flowers and an 8:00 reservation at that restaurant you like, we can hang out until that gets boring.

Just like most things printed on paper, Maxim is an archaic business model that will eventually go under. However, they managed to get Olivia Munn to show more shit than she did in Playboy. I never really got the whole Olivia Munn thing, but damn, she looks fucking great here. She's like that stuff they didn't find in Iraq. Yellow and hot.

I don't understand how being knuckle deep in this and this could ever possibly get boring, but Justin Timberlake managed to talk Olivia Munn into banging him for three days. Apparently she believed him when he said he broke up with Jessica Biel. Haha, they fall for it every time! Us Magazine reports:

Justin Timberlake cheated on Jessica Biel with actress Olivia Munn during a three-day fling this past September, reports the new Us Weekly (on newsstands now). Timberlake, 29, and Munn, 30, a Daily Show correspondent who stars in the upcoming NBC series Perfect Couples, first met at a Sept. 26 MySpace event. After exchanging numbers, he "started chasing her immediately," says an insider. Munn resisted his advances, telling him it was a no-go if he was still with Biel, 28, the source tells Us Weekly. But Timberlake "has been telling people it’s over with Jessica, even though "the reality is he's just doing it behind her back." Believing he had left Biel and that her relationship with Timberlake might develop into something serious, Munn took him to her hotel, the Gansevoort Park Avenue NYC, Sept. 27 and 28, where "they were openly affectionate," the insider adds. The insider tells Us the two "had amazing sex" that night.

I dated a Chinese girl once and I almost needed a shoehorn to get my penis inside her, so I can see the appeal. But I can also see the appeal of Miller High Life, so I might not be the best judge.

When the whole doppelganger week was happening on Facebook, my ex-girlfriend changed her profile pic to Olivia Munn, and everybody still thought it was her. Only except my ex-girlfriend had Ds and wore LaPerla lingerie around the house. So you can see how this picture of Oliva Munn in GQ could be viewed as disappointing.

Olivia Munn is in the June issue of FHM, and I think I speak for everyone when I say get naked bitch. I know this chick is a goddess to guys in skinny jeans and Cons who have Star Trek phasers on their keychains, but her face looks like it belongs to a Chinese dude who just won 4th place in a transvestite Cher look-a-like contest. There isn't really too much I can say about her body. Unless you count the fact I want to cum on it. I'm not picky. Anywhere's fine. if she could just point, that would be fantastic.

You can see more of Olivia Munn and other 100 sexiest women at FHM.com.