Because you can't throw a rock and not hit a Coffee Bean in LA, there's only two reasons you go to a Coffee Bean. 1.) To get coffee 2.) To take a piss because you've already been to three Coffee Beans that day. That being said, here's Olivia Wilde leaving a Coffee Bean yesterday, where from my powers of deduction I gather that she didn't have to pee. Mostly because she's wondering why her legs have apparently doubled in size. That may be a bit of a reach, but whatever. Her legs look big. Also, Coffee Bean.

Jason Sudeikis is on SNL and has appeared in such horrific movies as Hall Pass and Horrible Bosses. His last name is also "Sudeikis". Now that you've read that, please know that he is now banging Olivia Wilde. You know, after he was the first person to believed to be the father of January Jones' baby because he was banging her, too. DEAR GOD, MAN. Us Magazine reports:

A source tells the new Us Weekly -- on stands Friday -- that Wilde, 27, and Sudeikis, 36, haven't been shy about their new romance. The SNL funnyman brought Wilde to the show's afterparty at NYC's Loi on Dec. 4. "They walked in holding hands," says a source. "She's come to the [SNL] studio at Rockefeller Center, and they've gone out to dinner after rehearsals," adds an insider.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Bradley Cooper should be pulling this kind of ass, but since they're gay, Sudeikis is repeatedly outkicking his coverage and banging every hot, available vagina in Hollywood. I can't wait for his autobiography where he talks about the time he buried those Swedish models in Vegas while titty fucking Kate Upton.

Olivia Wilde and Jake Gyllenhaal were in the same restaurant at the same time at the same table, so of course that means they're dating. Right, New York Post?

Olivia Wilde and Jake Gyllenhaal seemed to be “very cozy” over dinner at Chinatown Brasserie. The stars, both single, were seated next to each other at a table of eight at the Lafayette Street eatery Saturday night. A spy said, “They were in a group but were very cozy with their chairs pulled in closely together.” They were also spotted one night in June at LA’s Chateau Marmont, but at the time her rep said they were “just friends.” Their reps didn’t get back to us last night.

Or, they're not dating. Or having sex. At best, you could lock Olivia Wilde in the closet Jake's been in for years then come back two hours later and they would be painting each others toenails and giggling about Zac Efron.

Okay. New York Post reports:

Olivia Wilde doesn’t judge Kim Kardashian for her 72-day marriage. The “Butter” star, who finalized her own high-profile divorce from Italian aristo Tao Ruspoli last month, told us at a Standard Hotel after-party for “Another Happy Day,” “I empathize. It’s not easy. It’s the hardest thing in the world. People judge you because divorce is seen as failure. [Kim] took a risk. No one should be attacking her. Our attention should be focused on things that are truly scandalous.”

Just to clear up any misunderstanding here, you can't really have a divorce if there was no marriage in the first place. And, yes, everybody should be attacking her. It was a money grab and to reiterate, her "marriage" last 72 days. Seventy. Two. It's not like she put forth any semblance of an effort to save it or make it work. E! and Kris Jenner had an idea, Kim got married, they all got paid, now she's conveniently single again to move on to the next with an extra $20 million. Wow. It seems like I put a lot of thought into that. Sorry. I can talk about my penis if you guys want. I know how much you ladies love that! My grandma says it's bigger than average. Thanks grandma!

Olivia Wilde attended the UK premiere of Cowboys & Aliens yesterday, and I don't know if she wore her hair like that because all the riots in London left them short a few movie screens and she was trying to help out or what, but apparently I've been living in denial about my true feelings for this chick. Her hair looks like it starts at the same place Jerry Rice's cornrows start. I don't know if you realize it or not, but that's not a compliment.

Note: But don't take my word for it, Daniel Craig can feel it staring at him.

At the age of 18, Olivia Wilde got married in a bus to an Italian prince. I know that sounds like I just pulled words out of a hat, but at 26, she now finds herself single for the first time in her adult life after getting a divorce this year. Apparently she thought she could ask a guy to the Sadie Hawkins dance by calling him on a rotary phone then maybe go the skating rink after so they could couple skate to Dru Hill and then get a milkshake afterward because she got a divorce and still thought it was the 90's. She also has a gigantic forehead, but that's really beside the point. Daily Mail reports:

Wilde, who has been linked to Justin Timberlake, Bradley Cooper and Ryan Gosling since her split, told Nylon magazine: 'Dating is new to me.' She says it has especially hard in the modern world, where much communication is done via cell phones and email. 'I see the whole thing like someone who's been in a coma and I've come out like, 'Wait, people text message? They text love? How do you text about love??' she said. Her comments come as she recently told Marie Claire that dating is like 'entering a shark pool.' 'I'm trying to be adult, entering the shark pool of dating. But I'm hopeless at it,' said. In the Nylon interview, Wilde also insists she has put on a few pounds since her marriage ended, saying her 'fat jeans' are now not so loose any more. 'I got a divorce and self medicated with food,' she said. 'But I figure that's better than self-medicating with crack cocaine.'

You don't really text love as much as you do your tits, and if a guy loves them he will ask you out. But I never text my dick because I'm a gentleman and I would rather share it with a woman that I respect and love. I'm just kidding. I don't text my dick because it's really small.

Only preschoolers and Asian chicks in school uniforms should have bangs, but Olivia Wilde is neither of those things yet she looks ridiculously hot on the August 2011 cover of Marie Claire. I also had the scans of this article that contained words. Words that Olivia said on varying topics such as scandals, marriage, and politics, but I didn't post those. Why? Oh, don't be silly. She's a woman. Nobody wants to read that.

Olivia Wilde recently separated from her husband of eight years, and we all know that "separated" means "man, I'm really tired of looking at your dick and/or vagina. If you don't mind, I'm gonna go look over her for a while. Don't wait up." OK! reports:

Some lucky Ryan Gosling fan caught some juicy gossip on tape! A woman accidentally stumbled upon Ryan and Olivia Wilde while recording her family’s visit to the Cincinnati aquarium! And by the looks of it, something is definitely brewin’ between the hot young actors. Olivia, 26, and Ryan, 30, were spotted at Relativity Media and The Weinstein Company’s 2011 Golden Globe Awards After Party on Jan. 16 at The Beverly Hilton, laughing together and looking very friendly. And it looks like there romance has blossomed since then, as the duo got quite cozy on their visit with the fishies. In the YouTube clip, “Did I seriously just bump into Ryan Gosling?!,” the woman narrating the video is very funny, as she trails Ryan and Olivia, who she dubs his “lady friend,” through the aquariums. You can hear her boyfriend tell her that she needs to stop, but the woman desperately wants to ask to take a picture with the hot young actor.

Ryan Gosling dated Rachel McAdams for a while and most recently had Blake Lively bent over the couch for a few weeks. So if you're doing math a home on your Socialist calculator, his last three chicks might share a B cup between them. In fact, Blake Lively is making a misspelled handmade sign as we speak to protest this. "I bought mine, can't they buy their own?," she was quoted as saying.