At least I think Pamela Anderson wants to eat your children and use their skulls to make a necklace. I mean, that's really the only way to explain these pictures.

In a brilliant segue using only STDs, Pamela Anderson and her Hepatitis C is going toWHAT THE HELL?! Starpulse reports:

Pamela Anderson is set to make one lucky fan's dreams come true - she's offering to film a bedroom scene with a complete stranger for a new contest. The former "Baywatch" beauty, who hit the headlines in the 1990s after filming a sex tape with her then-husband Tommy Lee, has agreed to be filmed frolicking in bed with the winner of phone firm Nokia's latest competition. The short movie, called "The Commuter," is to be shot in high definition on the company's N8 mobile handset and premiered in London next month. Another cameo role opposite "Gossip Girl" actor Ed Westwick, to be shot in an elevator, is up for grabs in the contest. John Nichols, head of marketing at Nokia UK, explains, "We wanted to create something very special for the launch of the Nokia N8 that showcases the Hollywood quality of its camera."

Pamela Anderson's sex tape with Tommy Lee is the Citizen Kane of all sex tapes, so whoever wins this contest better stick his dick in some gamma radiation and have Pamela Anderson call his mom a whore. Because to reiterate, Tommy Lee's cock punctured her lungs on a boat on camera once. Unless this dude has a unicorn's horn with a condom on it strapped between his legs, he might want to rethink this.

I have a friend who works at the CDC, and maybe I should forward these pictures of Coco and Pamela Anderson in Las Vegas to her, because whatever was left behind in this booth can't be good. You can never be too careful with these things. I don't know the science behind it, but I'm sure Hep C, saline, and cocoa butter are the main ingredients in yellowcake uranium.

Pamela Anderson modeled comically gay fashion designer Richie Rich's crap again this year, and boy was it sexy. Because nothing gets me turned on like a 42-year old with Hep C and a vagina that looks like the eye of Sauron. Ooh, la la!

Pamela Anderson is under fire from child advocacy groups after she attended the Hollywood Life’s 6th Hollywood Style Awards this weekend and basically had a 9-year old girl as a servant. Page Six reports:

"People were genuinely shocked. She didn't even have her own seat and had to sit at Pamela's feet, where people nearly stepped on her to get to the stage. The girl looked uncomfortable and kept tugging on her dress to get her attention, but Pamela waved her away. "Pamela was telling people it was her daughter," the attendee said. "And, after she presented David LaChapelle with an award onstage, she shouted 'daughter' in front of the whole auditorium, and slapped her leg like she was calling a puppy. The girl rushed up to grab her train." Adelaide is the daughter of makeup artist to the stars Sharon Gault, who was believed to be at the event. But Adelaide looked nervous as she was forced to carry Anderson's dress up the red carpet, then backstage, and when the star made a dramatic exit two hours later. A spokesman for the Child Labor Coalition said, "I would want to speak to the child to ask her if it is something she willingly did. Nine is very young, and an awards ceremony is a long time for a child to be out holding a dress." Anderson's agent, Chris Smith, didn't get back to us.

I agree, Pamela needs to be questioned by the authorities, because all this little girl did was hold up her dress all night. Where's the life lessons and character building in that? The little black kids I forced into my gang are all in the 4th grade, but they're learning valuable marketable skills that they can use in the future to secure gainful employment. People just don't kill themselves and give you their money you know, and I think that's an important lesson for these kids to learn. And the explosive collars I put around their necks keeps them motivated and confident to keep striving for their next goal. And that's what its all about, my friends. Children achieving their dreams.

Note: I'm not sure if you picked up on it yet, but seriously child advocacy groups? She was holding a dress for chrissakes, it's not like she was in a gingerbread house being boiled in water.

There's a reason why every single guy in the 90's would've let Pamela Anderson do reverse cowgirl on them in front of their parents at a funeral, and these new(?) pictures kinda make me wish it was the 90's again. Because in hindsight, I think I would have went with neon green ground effects on my Suzuki Sidekick instead of blue.

CLICK ON THE BANNER PIC (NSFW) TO SEE THE RACK THAT LAUNCHED 1,000 PLASTIC SURGEONS

I guess being a 42 year old chick with Hep C and drawn on eyebrows isn't that popular backstage anymore, so Pamela Anderson is apparently done with "rocker" guys and is dating an electrician. People reports:

They say water and electricity don't mix, but for eternal beach bunny Pamela Anderson, there's nothing like taking a dip in the ocean with new surfer boyfriend Jamie Padgett. A bikini-clad Anderson, 42, was spotted out at the beach in Malibu with her buff boyfriend, who's an electrician. The pair reportedly met a few months ago at a trailer park where the former wife of Kid Rock was staying while work was being done on her house.

The quote went on to say that Pamela and this dude went to Wal-Mart where they found out that Boss Hog was smuggling illegal slot machines into the county, so they stole them and gave Daisy the proceeds to donate to the Hazzard orphanage. You know, or whatever other redneck shit these people do.

I'm not looking for a CD adapter for my Suzuki Sidekick or trying to buy tickets to a Jodeci concert, so I think it's safe to say we're in a time where Pamela Anderson shouldn't be on the beach wearing this. Yet here she is. Wearing it. It's amazing how this chick has been able to pull off a bikini for this long. It's like some sort of mystery of logic. Not unlike the time my penis didn't win "Best in Show" last year. In fact, I wrote a sternly worded letter to the panel of judges, because honestly, have you seen it?