I don't really know what's going down here. Pete Wentz knows John Mayer has, like, 8 bagillion Twitter followers, so he's trying to rope him into a charity event that takes place this Saturday by offering to pay for KITT and/or the Kool-Aid Man?

And they're sort of kidnapping themselves?

This video requires more research to understand fully, but the bromance brewing with John Mayer in Pete Wentz's mind is frightening. Though his is right that Mayer and Wentz are up for the the biggest douchebags on the internet. Them and Kanye.

I can't be surprised that Ashless Simpson has taken to uploading personal pictures to her Twitter account, via TwitPic, which isn't password protected and where your updates aren't secure.

Though I am a big fan of this whole celebrity TwitPic thing, it's the same way we picked up on the Demi Moore panties shot, and although the most interesting Ashlee Simpson pics are the almost lesbian kiss above and her uniquely bizarre splits-while-pregnant shot, here's hoping to a long future of self-photographed celebrities.

Though through all the behind-the-scenes Wentz/Simpson stuff I've seen has started getting me thinking about adopting a bulldog. Or I could just steal one of theirs. I'd take Rigs.

Lindsay Lohan as Madonna, Alicia Keys as Michelle Obama, it's a sneak peak at Glamour's Icons series filled with non-icons. [BadAndUgly]

Who is the dick that leaves a glossy of themselves as a tip? Answer: Jeremy Piven. [CelebSmackBlog]

Lily Allen eats ribs in bed, which might be the only thing Lily Allen does that I approve of. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Tina Fey is Bon Jovi's private dancer. A dancer for money. [VideoGum]

Miley Cyrus is shocked that Radiohead would snub her. [LaineyGossip]

Someone needs to just kill Brian Austin Green if he and Megan Fox are really going to get back together. [ICYDK]

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden might be gettin' hitched, because before your second kid is born is the best time for that. It's not like Nicole is going to get another guy with mom tits. [ImNotObsessed]

If I were Pete Wentz, I'd totally do my wife in the butt. I want to do Ashlee Simpson in the butt without being Pete Wentz. [IDon'tWantYourLife]

There are 1,000 things - including the above links - I care about more than J.Lo suing stroller companies. [FatBackMedia]

Pete Wentz looks like he was made in Geppetto's workshop, so apparently that makes him an expert on the media's treatment of women. Us Magazine says:

"I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general, and I think it's a bummer," the Fall Out Boy told Extra from the NFL Pepsi Smash Super Bowl Bash in Tampa, Florida Thursday, when asked about Simpson's new curves. "It's bad for young women," Wentz added. "I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows, and that's a bummer." The bassist continued: "Real beauty is on the inside, man."

Man, I feel so bad now. You're right, Pete. A woman's beauty should be appreciated from the inside. Like you did, when you went on Howard Stern and told the whole world that your wife takes it up the ass. I mean, if that's not what you're talking about now, please let us know. Because you can see how we could be getting mixed signals.

Jessica Simpson performing in black (surprise) at John Paul Jones Arena in Virginia last night. Strrriiiiike two:

Anyone who claims they weren’t sitting in their office all week and wishing to sweet Yahweh that they could go back in time an repeat the holidays is either lying or has recently awoke from a coma and is already overwhelmed with all the nonsense they need to catch up on. The last/first week of the year is a time for resolutions, for ends and new beginnings, and for most people that sucks.

Unless you are Semi Sonic, in which case “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end” is the only worthwhile thing you contributed to music.

For everyone else, the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009 is just a way to look at how the previous year sucked in hopes that it will scare you into a better 2009. Which it won’t, because if that philosophy worked, you would have stuck with your resolution this year. But you didn’t, did you?

Also, I’ve been trying to quit smoking this week, so I’ve been waking up and going to bed pissy from nicotine withdrawal. That’s probably not going to bode well on the subjects of our round-up.

Where did your favorite celeb spend New Year’s Eve?

Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag were at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas, looking fat, broken, bearded and slutty, respectively.



The Jonas Brothers, Taylor Swift, Hilary and Bill Clinton, Lionel Richie and Ludacris rang in the New Year in Times Square with the masses.



And, as Todd has alerted us previously Kristin Cavallari and Lindsay Lohan spent it on a beach (and possibly breaking up with Samantha Ronson).

Since nobody wanted to pay for pictures of their kid, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson have posted the first image of Bronx Mowgli Wentz on Wentz's blog as a special present for you and me. Maybe they should have thought this over, because as far as presents go, this kinda sucks. If I wanted to see pictures of a baby, I would open those letters my ex-girlfriend sends me.

Oh, and this retard is his aunt:

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz had a baby boy, Bronx Mowgli, last month, and the world is on pins and needles waiting for pictures of the little angel. Actually, no, not really. Page Six reports:

"ASHLEE Simpson and Pete Wentz are trying to drum up some cash by selling photos of their baby, Bronx Mowgli - but so far, no takers. A celebrity weekly insider told Page Six, "Pete and Ashlee have approached every single celebrity magazine with offers to sell their first photos, but nobody wants them. Covers of them tend not to sell well." A rep for Simpson denied it."

Please, it's not like this kid is gonna grow up to invent a time machine or cure AIDS. By the time he's 16, he'll be on Sunset Blvd. wearing mascara and fresh cut marks, and giving blowjobs to feel loved. Please keep in mind that his dad is this guy. When this kid is in 7th grade, there's a good chance his clarinet will have to be surgically removed.

To reiterate, these are this kid's parents;

They dropped the anchor, the engines were still going full speed. The yacht kept moving even after the crew did all they could to stop it from crashing into the harbor. Captain Suchandsuch turned the ship against the wind and asked Jessica Simspon to open her mouth. The ship slowed to a full stop just in time. The ship was spared, and no lives were lost that day.