Shhh, don't tell anyone. This post is about Pink, but I used Candice Swanepoel as the banner pic. Why Candice Swanepoel and not Pink? Dude. I hope you didn't just say that out loud. Us Magazine reports:

Pink has a boozy potential name for her unborn baby: Jameson! Although the "Raise Your Glass" singer, 31, doesn't yet know the gender of her child, she already has a moniker picked out if it's a boy. "My dad's name is James, and my brother's name is Jason," Pink explained to Billy Bush of Access Hollywood. "[Husband Carey Hart and I] are both Irish, Carey's middle name is Jason, [and] Jameson -- we like whiskey. That's a no brainer." Her hubby isn't so sure, though. Pink told Bush that she and Hart, 35, are "all over the place" discussing names. "I'm all about meaning, and Carey feels like he had a girl's hair cut and a girl's name, and he doesn’t want kids to have a weird name...I have to get him on the boat for originality, so I'm working on him," she said.

So to get him "on the boat for originality", Pink has to convince Carey Hart that his kid should be named after something that was invented in 1780 and a porn star whose vagina is currently taking bids from contractors. Awesome. This kid really doesn't need any more reasons for the bullies to pull his underwear out through his nose. His dad rides a bicycle and his mom looks like a wigger Aunt Jemima. You could name this kid Thor Megatron Wu-Tang Vampire Hunter and he'd still get beat with his own lunchbox.

Again, when your only relevance you bring to the history of music only happens when Linda Perry writes in her journal, sometimes you have to have black guys in gold sequins bikini briefs and horse masks on stage and sometimes you have to swing from a harness to distract people from realizing you shouldn't be on stage for a karaoke contest. I don't want to give anything in this video away, but Pink's label markets her as a hard white chick who can beat your ass. I think steel beams in Germany might have to disagree.

As you might have already guessed, the 2009 MTV VMAs were last night and since I'm not a 14-year old cutter with bangles and daddy didn't love me hair, I missed it. Sorry about that. Mostly because I was wondering if Jake Delhomme would be a better quarterback with both of his arms chopped off. Hey, we gotta try something!

Some people who were there:

David Cook, winner of season 7 of American Idol, announced yesterday that his brother, Adam, died after a long battle with brain cancer. Adam Cook passed away in a Terre Haute hospice at 1am Sunday morning surrounded by family and friends. The Insider reports:

"He took a turn for the worse this weekend and David rushed to get home. He was surrounded by his family, including his wife Kendra, his children, his father and his step-mom, among others."

Not to sound like an ass, but hopefully David Cook can use this to write some better songs. All Kurt Cobain had was stomach pains and he managed to do okay, so brain cancer has to be good for something other than whatever vagina begging music Cook is doing now. Look man, I appreciate your mascara and the fact that you know a few chords, but you can see how you winning a karaoke contest means you'll never rock anything other than a junior high prom or an episode of Gossip Girl.

Yeah, so since I'm not going to post pictures of David Cook or some Debbie Downer with cancer, here's the insanely hot piece of American Idol ass, Katharine McPhee. I'm here to spread joy!:

Brandon Davis crashed into Pink's car after he left some trendy bullshit L.A. circle jerk this weekend. See, this is what happens when you drink those fruity drinks with umbrellas. You dress in really gay clothes and stick things up your ass. Next time go for a couple shots of Jack instead and skip the hat, Brandy.

Katie Holmes gets a surprise visit [Just Jared]
Vanessa Hudgens and her leggings trying to be hot (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Posh Spice went from one ugly haircut to another [Dlisted]
Hayden Panettiere keeps her little arms warm [Hollywood Tuna]
Halle Berry, baby, and baby daddy in NYC [Popsugar]
Will Smith gets mocked on German TV [City Rag]
Nicole Richie looking like an idiot [Hollywood Rag]
Kate Beckinsale is always 85% [Lainey Gossip]
Eva Mendes got back [Popoholic]
Jodie Marsh topless pole dancing (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Michelle Hunziker posing for staged "candids" again [Egotastic]
Mariah Carey dumps her manager [ASL]
Jesus is My Friend Music Video [College Humor]

Stink being his usual classy self at Madeo last night:

Asshole Simpson and Pete Wentz might be having twins [Dlisted]
Kendra Wilkinson isn't fooling anyone [Hollywood Tuna]
Kate Hudson pimps her hair care crap in Canada [Popsugar]
Harrelson and McConaughey separated at dirty [City Rag]
AnnaLynne McCord has a boob cage [Hollywood Rag]
Michael Phelps at the MTV VMAs [Just Jared]
Hilary Duff shows off her legs (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are hilarious [Lainey Gossip]
Miranda Kerr is adorably hot [Popoholic]
Paris Hilton flashes her panties again (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Tara Reid almost looks nice [Egotastic]
Keira Knightley still looks hungry [ASL]
You Gotta Be Kidding Me (MTV VMA Winners) [Pajiba]

Pink looking terrifying, as usual, at the VMAs:

Jessica Simpson shows her titty tan lines [Hollywood Tuna]
Gwen Stefani has a No Doubt reunion [Just Jared]
Jodie Foster cheated on her girlfriend [Dlisted]
Eva Herzigova in lingerie in Cannes (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Beyonce is too famous for church [Hollywood Rag]
Gwyneth Paltrow is still getting hired [Popsugar]
Nick Nolte in the land of Oz [City Rag]
Fergie's inappropriate Today Show clothes [Popoholic]
Shayne Lamas staged beach pictures [Egotastic]
Kim Kardashian moons the camera (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Usher and his new wife are already separated [ASL]
The best 15 seasons of the past 20 years of The Simpsons [Pajiba]
90210: The New Class [College Humor]

Pink not looking feminine, as usual, on May 19th: