Remember for those five or so months in 2011 when seemingly every print, online, and television magazine lost their minds and went completely apeshit over Prince William's sister-in-law and cousin, Pippa Middleton? Specifically over her ass that was supposed to have been dropped down like manna from heaven, and they even reported that women were lining up at plastic surgeon's offices to get her ass? Everyday you heard how stunning and beautiful she was and if she changed her tampon it was treated like breaking worldwide news? You do? Yeah, what was up with that?

Dear God today is boring, so here I am posting shit about Pippa Middleton. This somehow feels wrong with it being Veteran's Day and all. Radar Online reports:

Her Royal Hotness’ is single – and ready to mingle. Yes, Pippa Middleton, the stunning younger sis of Kate Middleton, is back on the market, after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend, Alex Loudon, after a string of bad arguments. The Duchess of Cambridge has reportedly been consoling Pippa, 27, who dated the hunky Loudon, 31, for three years. "Pippa tried to get over the split by spending last weekend with Wills and Kate at [Scottish royal residence] Balmoral," a source told UK’s The Sun. "She and Alex split briefly in the summer, but this time it's over. They are barely speaking."...The source added, "It was said after the wedding that Alex was jealous of Pippa flirting with Prince Harry. But the truth is, she and Harry are just [friends]."

So to recap, an almost 30 ugly chick with a giant forehead and a flat ass is single now because she may or may not have been flirting with her cousin? Oh, baby. Where do I sign up to get some of this? Do I need special stationary and a quill pen to send her an invite to "tap dat ass"? To be honest, all I really know about England is what I see in movies.

Supposedly attractive Pippa Middleton was frontrow at the Temperley S/S 2012 Fashion Show during London's Fashion Week this weekend where she showed off her trick of making her thighs look like a vagina. Haha, it's her thighs. And they look like a vagina.

Note: So, um, Rosario. How you doin'?

Ever since her sister stalked Prince William in college then convinced him to marry her, the media has gone apeshit over this flat assed bitch by telling you Pippa Middleton has the greatest butt in the history of everything. Even though the "ass" they're talking about was padded at the Royal Wedding. This is her real ass. This. So, to recap: flat ass, Iron Giant's jaw, Darkman's lips, Caylee Anthony's tits, receding hairline. Awww yeah, baby. You probably can't tell, but I'm just an unbridled ball of lust right now.

Much like her sister, Pippa Middleton likes to get fall down drunk and show off her underwear in front of cameras. Cool. It's also pretty cool what putting a chick in a designer bridesmaid dress will do, though. It turns a drunk chick in her bra on her knees waiting for the next guy in line into a classy and elegant symbol of the dutiful and pure Maid of Honor. Much how like when I put on my Batman footie pajamas I become a symbol of hope and strength for the people of Raleigh.