I really don't get the fascination with Kate Middleton and her flat ass sister, but the English do, and I have English readers, so here's Kate Middleton. I don't know what's going on here, but she wore this dress to give flowers to Dr. Moreau's helper then the wind blew it up and we can see her ass now. Awesome. Some might point out that she should have worn panties around children, but when you change colleges to stalk and date your cousin so he'll marry you, wearing panties won't get you too far. I'm just glad we have pictures like this before she mysteriously dies in a car accident after she successfully breeds.

Further proof that all women really want in a man they marry is power, status, and money, women the world over watched a bald figure head with no actual power marry some painfully plain chick because all women think they're princesses because they played dress up and watched a lot of Disney movies. When in reality, this dude might as well be a newsie or a chimney sweep or something else that's archaic and really doesn't need to exist. Sure, Kate Middleton is now a long-distance relative of Jack The Ripper and had the lavish wedding that every chick has been dreaming about since she was born, but the trade off is now the imperialist redcoats are going to invade her uterus like Indonesia and force her to breed more of these pompous assholes to play Polo while Parliament runs the country. But for Kate's sake, I'd hold off as long as I could to have kids. You know, because it's better to make it to at least 45 years old before you die in a suspicious car accident.

Here's the latest Mario Testino photo of Prince William and Kate Middleton that will be used on the royal wedding programs. Really? Because I think I just counted 278 teeth and and I'm pretty sure Kate's eyebrows are about to form a chrysalis. Whatever. And what's the big deal about this wedding anyway? Are bluebirds going to dress her? Does he have to fight a dragon? No? Then who gives a shit. I'm not going to lie, Disney has really spoiled it for everyone.