Rihanna is the new lead singer for GWAR. She's very fancy. She's sort of interesting. She's dating a sort of famous dude who is probably gay. She's the Mars Attacks, not really black version of Britney Spears.

That's the best we could do to caption these pictures.

Signed,

The Very Tired and Exhausted Rihanna PR Team


Photos: Splash

Rihanna is in Barbados with her wannabe Michael Jackson boyfriend Chris Brown, and okay, I'll admit it, her body looks kinda decent. Kinda. And Chris Brown kinda looks 14. Shouldn't he be in summer school or earning his fire safety merit badge right now? Or playing catch with his Big Brother? Honestly, I blame the parents.



Photos: Splash

Rihanna looks like a visitor from outer space sent to study us in preparation for the inevitable attack and colonization, so it's really no surprise that she looks even weirder without a bra. Her areolas look like they're infected. Ha, it must be nitrogen to oxygen ration in our earth's atmosphere! Oh yes, Rihanna....Oh, yes...* taps index fingers together and spins around in chair * Your weakness...it has been found. Muhahahaha!!



Photos: Splash

Hayden Panettiere is trying to be a singer [Dlisted]
Rumer Willis has Power of Paws [Just Jared]
Jennifer Ellison is topless in Nuts again [Hollywood Tuna]
Eminem is being sued [Hollywood Rag]
Leighton Meester gets cute and leggy [Popoholic]
Posh Spice gets Photoshopped for Allure [Popsugar]
Haylie Duff exclusive pics (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Celebrity trout pouts off the hook [City Rag]
Samantha Fox's cameltoe (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
More of Jessica Simpson's gaping mouth on a yacht [Egotastic]
Brian Austin Green is talking [ASL]
Jessica Alba on the cover of OK! with her spawn [Lainey Gossip]
Honey, I Shrunk the Dumbasses (Meet Dave) [Pajiba]

Rihanna looking scary as ever at the MTV Mobile Bang Concert yesterday in Milan:

Man, I really need to sit down with Josh Hartnett and ask him how he does it, because just take one look at Rihanna and it's obvious he's the luckiest guy in the world. The glowing skin, the gorgeous hair ... No wonder he fell in love so fast. Almost as fast as that gigantic bowl of fries got refilled. Why, yes. Extra mayonnaise, please.

Amid rumors that they have been dating for over a month, Rihanna has confirmed that she is currently dating actor Josh Hartnett. The pair have been spotted all over New York recently, and until now have not commented publicly on their relationship. Rihanna says:

"I would be lying if I told you we were not more than just friends..." "I have so fallen for him. He's lovely," she enthuses. "He is so hot and he is really sweet to me."

He's 29 and she's 19, so I this makes sense. That's why I only date 19 year olds. All you need is a car and some weed and you're pretty much a greater hero than Batman.

Rihanna showed up at the NASCAR sponsored California Speedway's Running Wide Open party the other day and from the looks of it, she spent most of her time trying to keep her top from falling down. I don't know why she's so stuck up. Last time I checked, she had a gigantic forehead and uncontrollable acne. Unless her boobs are covered in dragon scales or she eyes on her nipples, I'm not seeing how letting her top fall down would've been embarrassing.