I rather watch zombies serve my torso at a picnic than see House Bunny, but a lot of hot ass showed up at the premiere last night, and in case you missed it, scouring the Internet for pictures of "hot ass" is kinda my job description. That is, of course, until I can find a way to start getting paid to just think about hot ass. Toddco* has a solid business plan, but apparently potential investors fail to see how masturbating constitutes a core competency. Insolent fools!

* A division of Handsome Industries, Inc.

People Magazine released it's 100 Most Beautiful People list today, so be prepared to feel good about yourself, Kate Hudson is #1. And Rumer Willis is on the list. Rumer Willis. At best, she should be top 5 on the list of male Demi Moore impersonators or a stunt doubles for Jimmy Neutron. But don't take my word for it, just listen to Kate Hudson's beauty secrets! They're amazing!:

Hudson doesn't owe her famous sun-kissed looks to thousands of hours logged at a spa. "I don't even remember the last time I got a manicure," says the 29-year-old mom to son Ryder, 4. "I even got to the point where I started waxing my own legs because I don't have the time. I'd rather be home with Ryder sitting there waxing my legs. I haven't gotten a facial in a million years. I don't do those kinds of things."

Wow, clogged pores and hit or miss hairy legs? Man, how did People find someone so beautiful?! Just lucky I guess!

Rumer Willis attended the premiere of something called The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep on Saturday and unanimously won the "Dumbest Outfit of the Night" award. Nice hat. I wonder what kind of alien technology made it to fit this chick's gigantic head, because it can't be from something indigenous to Earth. It's like her head gets bigger in every picture. In ten years, NASA will send an expedition into deep space using only the power of Rumer Willis' brain in a jar.


Note: The other chick in the pictures is Brooke Burns, Bruce Willis' ex-fiancee.

Dressing up for The Children Affected by AIDS Foundation seems like a noble gesture, but right now I'm trying to figure out what Rumer Willis is wearing. Is this supposed to be a costume? Did she pick it out during a fire? If she didn't, this is the stupidest costume I have ever seen. I wish she'd tell me who she's supposed to be, because I'm having a hard time deciding between Cleopatra or Rocky Dennis in drag. Yeah, Rocky Dennis. I'm gonna go with that one.

Paris Hilton took a break from not visiting Rwanda orphans and not raising awareness for multiple sclerosis to attend The Halloween Party in Beverly Hills this weekend. Of course, Paris took one of the most beloved characters in children's literature and turned her into a tarted up whore. Why wouldn't she? It's Paris. She could've dressed up as Dora the Explorer and her costume would have somehow managed to include a studded leather choker and a vibrator named "Boots".

Hollywood loves a good circle jerk, so here are some pictures from the 59th Annual Emmy Awards last night.


Science should really get off its ass and find a way to keep Christina Aguilera five months pregnant forever. Because, well, damn she's stacked. Who cares about the baby? He can't even hear what I'm saying anyway. Maybe he can. So what. That baby knows where to find me if he wants some.


Eva Longoria is so much better looking when she's not talking, so I have to admit, she looks pretty good here. She looks like a little Latin fairy. And you rarely see that. Unless you're a big Ricky Martin fan.


Katherine Heigl won last night for her role on Grey's Anatomy. The role that mostly involves her whining and finding new ways to show up in a scene with just her bra on. Which is weird, because she isn't all that hot. In fact, she's not hot at all. I'm thinking about going as her for Halloween. Her or a shark. Sharks are pretty scary.


Rumer Willis is the last thing you'd hope for if you mixed Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. She looks like Jimmy Neutron. Seriously, what's up with her head? Demi Moore's vagina must have looked like a tire swing.

Paris Hilton makes funny of Lindsay Lohan [Just Jared]
Cindy Crawford breeds pretty children [Dlisted]
Offensive Coke ad [College Humor]
Lindsay Lohan is screwed [Hollywood Rag]
Ashlee Simpson looks generic [Popsugar]
Carmen Electra does Fergie [Hollywood Tuna]
Mandy Moore is vampy [Egotastic]
Chuck Norris had plastic surgery [City Rag]
Avril Lavigne runs around naked and drunk [Popoholic]
More of Anne Hathaway's boobs and boyfriend (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Jordan (Katie Price) flashes her panties (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Rgis and Kathie Lee reunite [ASL]
Keira Knightley does Elle magazine [Horny Oyster]
Bye Bye Bye (Mission Man Band) [Pajiba]

Katharine McPhee, Anna Faris, and Rumer Willis on the set of House Bunny:

Rose McGowan is damn sexy [Hollywood Tuna]
Girls making out is so much classier in black and white. [College Humor]
Scary Spice got married [Dlisted]
Mena Suvari is still buzzed [Hollywood Rag]
Britney Spears won't close her legs (NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
Jessica Biel is scared to be nude [Popoholic]
Olivia Munn chugs stuff [City Rag]
K-Fed files for custody [Popsugar]
Kate Bosworth gets out of a ticket [Just Jared]
Another Geri Halliwell photo-op [Egotastic]
Peaches Geldof is topless (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Kelly Osbourne has morals [ASL]