To put the split rumors to rest, Katy Perry and Russel Brand showed up together to the 3rd Annual 'Change Begins Within' Benefit Celebration in LA this weekend. Katy Perry also showed up as a blonde so Russel Brand could pretend he was fucking somebody else later.

Not able to keep her childhood Christian indoctrination choked down all the way while she pretends to have sex with girls and write completely transparent lyrics about giving you a blowjob if you come to California (haha! she said 'lollipop' instead! LOL!), Katy Perry is married and now wants a bunch of kids. Because that's what God told Noah to do. Huffington Post reports:

Katy Perry and Russell Brand just celebrated their one-year anniversary, which is like 5-years in Hollywood time, so naturally everyone wants to know when Katy plans on starting a family. The 27-year-old singer told Ellen DeGeneres on her talk show on Friday, that she would love to have children. "I think that's one of the reasons you get married," she said. "Especially to the person you marry. You think, that person is going to be a good partner, a good parent. But, I'm not sure it's time yet. We'll see, ya know?" When asked if the singer wanted to have a lot of children, she replied, "If it doesn't hurt the first time, I'll keep popping them out!" "It will hurt: I've heard that it hurts," Ellen joked. "Word around town is it hurts!"

I'm really torn about all this because on one hand, her boobs will get bigger, and on the other hand, her boobs will get bigger. Oh, man. Wow. Sorry about that you guys. Turns out I'm not really torn at all.

Meh, Japan did it first. E! Online reports:

The British comedian was forced to postpone his comedy show in Canada after being denied entry into the country Saturday. The funnyman tweeted, "HELP! I'm gonna be late for Casino Rama show unless someone can force Canadian customs officials to let us land in Orillia!" while apparently still in the air en route to the show. Brand, ever cheeky, then tweeted, "How do you manipulate customs officials? Wasn't Hitler's father a customs officer? I'm pretty sure he was." Things clearly were not going well with the comic who implored the border bureaucrats, "Let me in! I must perform at Casino Rama, Orillia tonight at 9 for 5,000 Canadians." Brand ended his Twitter banter in defeat: "Tonight's Casino Rama show postponed. I'm sorry. I can't enter Canada. We must abolish the borders between our nations AND our minds."

I couldn't give a shit less about Russell Brand, but this seems hypocritical of Canada. Sure, he used to be a drug addict and got in a few scuffles with photographers, but nothing he can ever do can be as terrible as the crimes against humanity Canada's made the world suffer. I dig maple syrup, hockey, and health care, but Justin Bieber, Avril Lavigne, Pam Anderson, and ham that they try to pass off as bacon aren't forgivable. And don't get me started on Nickelback.

In an effort to show the world that they are in a happy marriage where he isn't trying to get an assistant to grab his cock the minute his wife turns her head and she isn't a frigid ice queen who thinks her vagina is lined with velvet and precious gold, Russell Brand and Katy Perry attended the UK premiere of Arthur where he grabbed her ass. Ooh, look everybody! I'm grabbing my wife's ass because we're so in love! I used to get my balls sucked by two teenage twin models before tea, but now I wake up to this every morning! Can't you tell we're so happy! Just look how happy and interested she looks! Yay!

COED Magazine posted this picture on Facebook with the caption, "Guess which celebrity was kinda nerdy and overweight as a kid?". Of course, it's Russell Brand. I'm a little disappointed his guitar case is missing, because obviously this picture was taken for his school's Mariachi Club.

Cosmopolitan, your girlfriend's guide to bronzer and blowjobs, named Russell Brand its "Fun, Fearless Male" of the year. From Music Rooms:

Asked what was the most fearless move he has ever made, the Get Him to the Greek star gushed that marrying Katy Perry topped everything.

“I have to say getting married,” Brand said. "It’s pretty wild that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with Katy.”

Cosmo picked a good one. It takes a brave soul to battle addictions. And to wake up to this everyday. Sweet Jesus. His wife looks like he found her at the bottom of a swamp, not the top of the Billboard 200.

I got an email this morning from a reader named Francis telling me he and his wife are big fans and have been reading the site for a few years. Attached, was a picture they found on Tumblr that Russell Brand took of Katy Perry first thing in the morning then put it on Twitter. Then he quickly deleted it. I'm really not sure how he managed to delete it that fast, because I'm pretty sure that he would have been turned to stone. Yikes. If I ever woke up next to this, my first reaction would be to beat it with my shoe. I think Francis and his wife hate me.

Since her marriage to Russell Brand, Katy Perry has taken turns emasculating him and defending her decision to marry a sex-addict, so either her vagina is lined in velvet and magic, or the PR ploy to make us think Russell Brand won't be knuckle deep in an Elite model by Christmas is working overtime. Us Magazine reports:

On Thursday, in his first interview since wedding Perry, 25, in India last month, the British comic opened up on Loose Women, a View-like talk show on England's ITV1 channel. "It's just a normal marriage," Brand, 35, claimed, offering an anecdote as proof. "The other day, I put a shirt on and she went...'You’re wearing that shirt, are you?'" Brand was initially taken aback by Perry's command. "I thought, 'That's actually happening? That's a thing off a sitcom. That happened in my actual life. I wasn't allowed to wear it. If she says don't wear that shirt, I don't wear it," he quipped, gesturing that "where i live" is under Perry's thumb.

Wow. Russell Brand went from pulling out of a pile of chicks long enough to give them adrenaline shots to being a whipped houseboy to a cross-eyed bitch with acne. Maybe they'll have something posted in my office break room, because I wanna sign up for that!