Desperation: Party of One. TMZ reports:

It took a little convincing, some banging and a few four-letter words -- but Lindsay Lohan finally talked her way into Samantha Ronson's apartment Friday night. As we first told you, Ryan Seacrest is trying to get Lilo to do a reality show with him about second chances. Our math might be off, but by letting Sam in her apartment, she gave Lindsay chance #3,217.

I swear, Lindsay must lick it like a Tootsie Roll Pop, because there's really no way to explain this. I'd have an easier time taking back AIDS than I would taking back Lindsay Lohan.

Wow, here's a surprise. E! News reports:

After Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson reconnected last month following their split in April, the couple has once again broken up. The duo broke things off again Monday night after a nasty argument. One major point of friction between the two was Sam's friendship with Nicole Richie, who's reportedly no fan of Lohan. "Nicole refuses even to be in the same room as Lindsay," says a source, noting that just last week Nicole invited Sam to a mutual friend's birthday party at Bar Marmont with the stipulation that she not bring Lindsay. "Sam went to the party, and it really upset Lindsay," says the source. Sam's rep declined to comment on her personal life, and Richie's rep could not be reached for comment.

I've seen more functional relationships on an episode of COPS, so I'm having a hard time understanding why anybody would date Lindsay Lohan much less take her back. She's a damn mess. That woman who drowned her kids in the tub would make a better girlfriend than Lindsay Lohan.

.

You knew it was coming, you knew it was only a matter of time, you knew it was going to be in a magazine, and you were right, Lindsay Lohan has already sold her sob story to OK! Magazine.

"It's absolute hell," Lohan told Us on Monday in a far-ranging interview over several lengthy phone calls and emails where she was agitated, crying and baffled by the turn of events...Lohan says she's "so alone" without Ronson. "Everyone's turned on me," says the actress. She tells the magazine that the night of the Chateau showdown, Nicole Richie walked by her and said "Uck," and Drea De Matteo said, "Come at me, bitch." Sources tell the magazine Ronson had repeatedly tried to break up with Lohan over the past month, but each time, "Lindsay threatens to kill herself -- she cares about her but wants out."

Damn, that was quick. Didn't all this just happen? Whatever. The only thing you really need to take from this is that shit is about to get fun. Lindsay is a drug-addicted nympho with no impulse control anyway, so throw in some jealousy and paranoia, and let the party begin. There's no telling what this crazy bitch will do. Snorting coke like a Dyson and jumping on every penis in a 5 mile radius sounds about right, but barking at cars in the middle of an intersection wearing nothing but a diaper and a Viking helmet seems pretty reasonable, too.

Drunk ass:



Photo credit: Splash

Uh oh, Lindsay has found out about the restraining order. TMZ reports:

Well connected sources tell TMZ Lindsay Lohan is "devastated" after learning members of Sam Ronson's family are taking steps towards getting a restraining order against LiLo. After Us Weekly broke the story that Sam's mother and sister went to a Beverly Hills police station yesterday asking questions about the restraining order process, sources tell TMZ Lindsay has been an emotional wreck -- crying uncontrollably. We're also told Sam has cut off all communication with Lohan -- and that Lindsay isn't handling it well. In fact, we're told people close to Lindsay are worried she "might lash out."

Well, set your watch. It's only a matter of time now. Lindsay Lohan officially has no career, no home, and no one to support her. If in six months Lindsay Lohan isn't filming the final gangbang scene of Ginger Snaps: Anal Invasion in a warehouse full of naked guys in executioner masks, I'm buying everybody pizza! Everybody loves pizza!

Just days after Samantha Ronson banned Lindsay from a party and kicked Lindsay out of her house, Samantha Ronson and her family are now considering seeking a restraining order against the actress. US Magazine reports:

Samantha Ronson's mother and sister asked Beverly Hills police how they could obtain a retraining order three days after Lindsay Lohan banned from a Ronson family event, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports. "They were directed to the court to get a restraining order," Beverly Hills Sgt. Nutall told Us on Monday. The officer would not confirm the inquiry was about Lindsay but the drama between the tempestuous lovers crested this weekend after news spread that Samantha broke up with Lindsay.

However, according to Lindsay, the two are just "taking a break". Aww, you see? That's all it is. E! News says:

...Lindsay Lohan exclusively tells E! News that reports of her breakup with Samantha Ronson are true: "We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself."

In the span of four days, Lindsay Lohan has been dumped, kicked out on her ass, and discussed in a consultation with an attorney. Yet in her co-dependent, delusional mind, she and Samantha are just "taking a break". Wow. I wonder what it's going to take for this crazy bitch to get the hint. I suggest tigers or a flamethrower. Or tigers with flamethrowers. I don't know the R&D money involved with that, but I'm not going to lie, when you see it airbrushed on the side of my van, it just makes sense.

Fun fact: This pictures of Lindsay posing for the paparazzi were taken while the police were on the scene to break up a fight between her and Samantha:

Observe the craziness outside the house of Samantha Ronson in Beachwood Canyon, LA, where Lindsay Lohan is hunkering down, avoiding her warrant and getting in some sort of fight with her girlfriend that lead to a window having something thrown through it. I know I'm not being very clear, let's try again.

Set your way back machine to yesterday, when Gawker got this e-mail from someone claiming to be a Lohan-fan:

I would like to remain anonymous and the email address i am emailing you from now is not my real name either.
In the early hours of saturday morning Lindsay was having a complete meltdown on twitter, personally I think she had been drinking way to much or taking some kind of drugs and these disturbing status's and message I am about to show you just about prove that as you would have know she was out until 4:30 AM

I...would like these messages to get out to the public so maybe Lindsay can get more help because something is not right, I know for a fact she is out of control again and have even seen it myself recently.

She was updating her twitter from 4am until 8am and later in the day, when Samantha returned home and maybe Lindsay has sobered up, she deleted the message's from her twitter and her updates went from 75 to 65 but i managed to screencap some of the crazy one's before she did...

Some of the messages are cropped and don't make sense but here is how one of the most crazy status' read

"should you end it if the one person in the world fails to love, hold/comfort, apologize, and CHERISH you the night before jail? LIARS R COWARDS cuz they don't know what they got til it is far gone. and people-if you fucking love someone. PUT UR PRIDE A-fucking-SIDE AND JUST LOVE THEM BACK! do not ever dj before calling if they
ARE FUCKING ABOUT TO GET ARRESTED FOR CHASING YOU TO MAKE YOU STAY"

Later on she started saying she misses her baby? she is bi polar for sure.

Feel free to publish my screencaps, please get this out there. She needs to realize what she sounds like when she in under the influence.

Thankyou.

And then, the tipster sent along pictures of Lohan's protected Twitter updates at her profile Twitter.com/sevinnyne.



This might be a good time to mention that IDLYITW is now on Twitter HERE.

Past the self-promotion, Lindsay's lawyer, one Shawn Chapman Holley, issued a statement:

"Since her case was resolved, Ms. Lohan has been in compliance with all the terms and conditions of her probation and all orders of the Court. The warrant issued on Friday was, in our view, born out of a misunderstanding which I am confident I can clear up next week."

But Lindsay isn't going to wait for things to clear up. As about 5 police officers crowd outside of Ronson's home, whatever Twitter fued was hinted at between LiLo and her lesbian lover has started to boil over. The two girls have refused to let the cops in, and the cops themselves have said they they are not there to serve or arrest Lohan.

Sounds of a fight can occasionally be heard at at one point, it's suspected that Lohan threw something, in anger, through one of SamRo's windows:



What's happening inside of that house can only end in an arrest or anrgy, make-up lesbian sex.

Here's hoping for the latter.

Mel Gibson is so not gonna like this. The Mirror says:

LiLo visited a London synagogue with her DJ girlfriend on Friday. And then she returned to the same place of worship in South Kensington for more yesterday – as Samantha’s official date for the bar mitzvah of her half-brother Joshua Ronson. And Lindsay showed she’s really becoming part of the family by joining in with the post-bar mitzvah lunch in London’s Mandarin Oriental hotel. Lindsay has even made her decision "official" – by updating her Facebook profile to say "I'm converting". That’s commitment. LiLo and Sam walked into the synagogue arm-in-arm for their first visit on Friday. When an onlooker asked the Hollywood starlet if she was converting, Lindsay revealed: "I'm trying." The recovering alcoholic, who was brought up Catholic, now faces lessons in the Jewish faith before an official conversion can take place. But it helps that she’s staying at singer Bryan Adams’ house while she’s in London putting the finishing touches to her new album. As well as being close to one of Lindsay’s regular London nightclub hangouts, Boujis, Bry’s place is just a stone’s throw from the synagogue.

Yeah, it's always good to pick a religion because it's close to the bar you like. But what other criteria was Lindsay gonna have? It's not like the cathedral or the mosque down the street were putting flyers on her door for a free dildo giveaway.

Lindsay at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in London:



Picture credit: Splash

I'm kind of happy we didn't fall into the hole of having to cover how Lindsay Lohan was cast in the Nightmare On Elm Street, said Just Jared yesterday, because all the film bloggers laughed up the ridiculousness and made Jared eat his words. So, now that things are back to normal...

Charlotte Ronson, the older fashion-designer sister of Samantha Ronson, had her Fashion Week show last night in New York. Lindsay Lohan accompanied SamRo to the show (I rhyme!). After that, the pair went to the Eldridge Lounge and left early this morning arguing like...

...well, like lesbians.

Lindsay was screaming: "I'm sorry! Forgive me!" as Sam Ro stormed off and towards their hotel. Oh yeah, it was late enough in the night, so technically Valentine's Day. So, happy Valentine's Day Samantha Ronson.

Any guesses as to what needs forgiving? Did she take a line then fall into a pit of erect dicks? I knew there was a pit of erect dicks somewhere on Eldridge Street, but I always get distracted by the wall of D-cup titties on Mott St.




SQUAK!



Damn, that girl looks like she chose "poorly."