If you're not on Twitter, what are you lame? Get with it, man. At least sign up just to follow Sara Underwood, because she just takes pics of her hanging out with a bunch of bikinis on posts them. But try not to get too excited. I've already submitted my application for the two in the middle. Hahaha, too late suckas!

Sara Underwood recently did a shoot for Esquire's In My Place series, and here are the outtakes. I don't talk about personal stuff here, but I was recently face to face with a stomach better than this. And her vagina tasted like honey. And she walked my dog. Then we ate shrimp tacos. Then we watched Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and didn't let the rape scene stop us from pausing it and banging on the couch. And she's a Panthers fan. I don't want to get too ahead of myself here, but I'm pretty sure she's the perfect woman.

I'm not sure if her account has been verified or not, but is it hasn't, God should verify himself. "Damn....dat ass, " he should also say.

I don't watch Attack Of The Show! (even though this site was on there once), but apparently Sara Underwood comes in everyday and somebody says "Hey, put this on." or "Hey, here's a bicycle. Take your clothes off.", so this week she dressed up in Catwoman costume. If the Catwoman costume was on sale at Party City. Jesus, who made this thing? Malaysian kids? For ten cents an hour you'd expect them to have a little more pride in their work.

When you're physically perfect (NSFW), people will pay you a lot of money to be in front of a camera and wear tight spandex outfits under the guise of, "hey, we're going to Comic Con and we just happened to pick this out for you." I would say other stuff here, but I think I just came. Lemme see...yep, oh yeah. Totally. Totally just came. Christ, how am I gonna clean all this up? Oh god dammit, it's everywhere. Maybe I should go to the bathroom and.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Here's more pics of Sara Underwood on a boat, but this time there's way more vodka and way more rapidly declining awareness of her surroundings. If some guy didn't use the "Sara Underwood" and "ATM" in the same sentence the next day, then I really don't understand the point of having a boat with Sara Underwood on it if I can be totally honest here.

If you don't follow Sara Underwood on Twitter, 1.) you're an idiot, and 2.) you're possibly also gay so go ahead and move to NY and see if you can get on a float. I have no idea who owns this boat, but I really hope he had a giant flag attached to it out of frame that read "USS DEM TITTAYS".

Insane piece of ass Sara Jean Underwood was in Portland for World Naked Bike Ride, and she was nice enough to post these pics to her Twitter. I don't know her personally, but it's obvious from these pictures that she's a lovely woman with many desirable qualities one would look for in a mate. You can just tell that she's very intelligent, enjoys literature, adopting animals, and staying abreast of current affairs. She probably has a garden and volunteers at a homeless shelter. She more than likely has helped an at risk inner city youth learn how to read or fingerpainted in a pediatric burn ward. I hope that she never becomes jaded by the world so caught up her beauty instead of focusing on her contributions to make the world a better place. I also hope I've said enough nice shit so she'll let me ejaculate on her stomach. That's how that works, right? You say nice things to women and they let you cum on them? The DVDs I ordered guaranteed that I'll be able to successfully talk to women in less than two weeks with their techniques.