The visual dry heave Shauna Sand is still in Miami and she's still bikini. Why? Isn't Miami hot? Shouldn't this plastic skank have melted already? When she dies she's going to a recycling bin instead of a grave, so what's the hold up sun? Oh, quit being such a pussy.

Shauna Sand is either a butter-face or a Picasso, I would need to get a little closer to the rear of her to find out. Either way, when approaching Shauna Sand, it's best to have a paper bag with eye-holes cut into it ready to go.

Here she is on the beach with her husband (a continuation of yesterday's plastic) which is kind of bizarre considering she filed a restraining order against him in December:

Shauna Sand claims she was choked, punched and thrown across a room in front of her children -- and the bastard behind the alleged beatings is her very own husband.

The former Playmate received a temporary restraining order against Romain Chavent yesterday, after she filed documents in L.A. County Superior Court alleging that this weekend, her French hubby "hit me in the breasts, which i just had reconstructive surgery." It's the latest in a string of alleged violent abuse.

Among the claims, Shauna says Romain once "threatened to sell nude photos of my children that he took of them when he was babysitting."

The kind of guy that takes nude photos of children while babystitting them, just on the off chance he can later use it for blackmail is a sick dude, even by my standards.

But I bet he keeps his supply of paper bags handy.

I don't know how much the guy who sat in his van all day eating onion rings and taking these pictures of Shauna Sand in Miami got paid, because whatever it is, it's not enough. He deserves some kind of medal. Because I'm pretty sure if I saw this coming out of the water I would stab it in the brain and call my local government authorities because it would be very obvious to me that monsters from the deep had commenced their attack.

Jessica Alba has her body back [Lainey Gossip]
Suri Cruise is not amused [Dlisted]
Aubrey O'Day is a hippie with fake boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
Snoop Dogg is super stoned with babes [Hollywood Rag]
Reese and Jake are still together [Popsugar]
Britney Spears cameltoe of the future [City Rag]
Cheryl Tweedy drops some cleavage [Popoholic]
Kate Hudson flees paparazzi [Just Jared]
Carole Bouquet is topless (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Olivia Munn is getting hosed [Egotastic]
Natalie Portman is on set [Socialite Life]
Cat Flushing the Toilet [College Humor]
Annalynne McCord is a clown in leather leggings (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Shauna Sand dressed as herself for Halloween:

Who knows why Shauna Sand decided to go to Miami this weekend. If I had to guess, I'd say she went there to remind us of her timeless beauty. I must admit, sometimes I take it for granted.

You could give me a hundred chances, and I could almost guarantee I wouldn't be able to guess exactly what the hell Shauna Sand was doing outside Foxtail last night. I can't even think of any scenario where a woman you would wait to get out of a car to take of her panties. In my experience, they usually come off when I show them my Civil War reenactment uniforms. I'm not gonna lie, I make wool look good.

Jamie Lynn Spears is making up lies to cover her scheduled c-section [Dlisted]
Rihanna still doesn't look female or human [Just Jared]
Nicole Richie is still ugly and full of shit [Hollywood Rag]
Jessica Biel's hot lesbian girlfriend (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Mary Carey is flashing her tits, and probably high (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Sienna Miller still looks like a retard [ASL]
Jesse Jane gets a whore award [Hollywood Tuna]
Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are still humping [Popsugar]
Anne Hathaway does Leno [Popoholic]
Zooey Deschanel at The Happening premiere [Egotastic]

Shauna Sand getting her extensions did this week:

If you have just eaten or you if you don't have enough free time on your calendar to projectile vomit for the next two weeks, be warned, you might want to skip this nip slip and upskirt look into hell brought to you by Shauna Sand. She used to be married to Lorenzo Lamas and was Playboy's Playmate of the Month for May 1996, but as you can see, a lot can happen in 12 years. Namely, turning Shauna Sand into a dayshift stripper with a pussy that looks like a badly packed suitcase. And please, I can't even talk about her tits. Maybe later. I've been sitting here for about 10 minutes now waiting for them to finish transforming into whatever they're in the middle of changing into. I'm hoping it's a hot rod or a rocket ship. You know, or something cool like that.



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