I've seen better heads on jack 'o lanterns, but a wise man once said, "Just bend her ass over." And that wise man, my friends? Thomas Jefferson.

I have no idea why Sophie Monk is famous. She's an actress who can't act, she's a singer who doesn't sing all that well, and she's a model who really isn't all that hot. Sure her body is OK, but I'm really not convinced about the face. Every time I see her it takes me a minute to realize that's she not gathering nuts for the winter.

This ass is proof that starving yourself on a steady diet of cigarettes and caffeine works. Breast implants work, too. So do collagen lips. So does being engaged to one of the douche Madden twins. And stepping in shit. OK so, to recap, starving, cigs, coffee, fake tits, fake lips, douche and shit splatter - this is the way to the natural beauty that is Sophie Monk. Work it, bitch.


P.S. Somebody please tell her to tuck her tag in. I'm OCDing over it big time.

Australian actress/model Sophie Monk has reportedly split from her fiance of one year, Good Charlotte wanksta, Benji Madden. The Daily Telegraph reports:

Speculation the couple were having problems first surfaced when Monk canceled a scheduled appearance at Carols by Candlelight, citing "family reasons". Yesterday, Monk's father was reluctant to comment on his daughter's single status, when contacted at the family's Gold Coast home by our Brisbane colleagues. "There's nothing to say and I'm best to say nothing. You're best to talk to her manager," her dad Andrew said."

There's no telling what her manager might say. Probably that Sophie Monk woke up one day and realized she was engaged to Benji Madden. That couldn't have been good. The last thing to have the name "Benji" was a homeless dog. In his defense, the homeless dog did rescue kidnapped kids. I'm not really sure what Madden does. That is of course if "has queerest rock song on the radio" isn't on his tax form. If it is, hey dude, my bad.

Sophie Monk has a nude scene in Sex and Death 101, the same movie in which Winona Ryder has a nude "sex" scene. Sophie Monk is best known for looking like a chipmunk and being Benji Madden's girlfriend. She is also now known as "the chick who should only do topless scenes." Nice flat ass. In 1546 it would've been used as a map of the earth.

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