Tara Reid is in Bali, Indonesia shooting ads for an Australian sleep/swimwear line, and surprise, the first night she was there she got drunk and fell down. Whoever hired Tara Reid to model a bathing suit must have also been drunk. Her stomach looks like a wax seal on Thomas Jefferson's mail. The only thing she should be modeling is skin grafts or breathalyzers.

I wonder if Tara Reid's plastic surgeon wore those big foam "We're #1" things or if he just has hooks for hands. Hmmm, that's a tough one.

If you own a Papa John's and you're looking for some star power for your grand opening. Look no further, Tara Reid is available! Page Six reports:

The blond uber-bimbo, who's been partying hard in Australia, was trying to charge $25,000 to $30,000 for her appearances at clubs. But she had to drop her inflated price to a bargain-basement fee of about $3,500 when nobody would bite."

Tara Reid would go down on you for a bar tab, so this $3,500 fee is probably still reaching for the stars. All you'd have to do is say "open bar" and Tara would show up too early, camped out like she was one of the nerds waiting in line for Star Wars.

Tara Reid at the Hooker's Ball on December 2nd (NSFW?):

Hey, you remember that time Tara Reid was in movies? Yeah, neither does her agent, because she's been hired to host something called the "Hooker's Ball" in Darwin, Australia. ninemsn reports:

The American Pie starlet's role in the 21st staging of Darwin's self-styled naughtiest night will include competing in the wet t-shirt contest, and a manager at the Discovery nightclub says Reid may be dressed up in lingerie or even as a prostitute. "It's a night like your 'pimps and prostitutes' or sleaze balls, and it's just a night of less is best," hospitality manager Guy Dunne said. "We thought Tara Reid would be a great choice ... it's a very naughty night and an opportunity to put your inhibitions down."...Mr Dunne says it was a big coup for the club and Darwin to have Reid host the event, saying they usually get passed over by "big-name stars".

This should be fun. Because it's Tara Reid. I'll put the over/under at 20 minutes before she's stumbling drunk and wondering how her panties got stuck to her shoe. If the night doesn't end with Tara Reid passed out under a table wearing nothing but barrel suspenders and a snorkel mask, I'll slap a bear. (Author's note: to clarify, my teddy bear.)


Tara at the Ivy on November 23rd:


Sad, pathetic update after the jump...

Tara Reid should really start visiting burn wards to talk about the importance of self-esteem because it seems like she's in a bikini almost every day. Even though she looks like this and this. A blonde in a bikini is usually a good thing, but Tara's stomach and thighs look like a chewed up piece of gum. And trust me, that's not as tasty as it sounds. Even if the wrapper says that strappleberry is bursting with wild fruity flavor.

It only took about a billion pictures for her to figure it out, but it looks like Tara Reid finally caught on. I assume it was between chain mail or this sweater thing, but I have to thank Tara for finally covering those things up. And I agree, the sweater was the way to go. What a statement Tara is making here. You can almost hear her say, "yes, my tits look like I do push ups in barbed wire, but that's not gonna stop me! I'm a woman on the go!" You go, Tara! Work it girl!

I don't know what happened to all the mirrors in Tara Reid's house but you'd think somebody would've pulled her aside and told her about her tits. Yikes. Her nipples look like they're scanning the room trying to find somebody to talk to. "Hey, look! It's that one guy from that one show! What's up, man?!!"

In case you've been up nights wondering if Tara Reid was still alive, I really don't think I know you anymore, but to answer your question, yes. Here she is in Malibu yesterday. She looks surprisingly human considering she's Tara Reid. She's had more work done than Ground Zero, but she still doesn't look quite right. Maybe it's because although she lives in the plastic surgery capital of the world, she looks like she had some coupons for Thailand (yikes). Her lipo and boobs look like they were done during an earthquake. Or a roller coaster ride. Or maybe on the back of a bronco. Unless her doctor was an amputee, I really have no other explanation.