You know why? Take too much to touch her. From what I heard she got a baby by Tiger. Radar Online reports:

Elin Nordegren, the wealthy and beautiful ex-wife of the golfing great, is ramping up her romance with her new beau, Jamie Dingman (this guy), and it seems that she so confident that he is the one that there are already rumors of marriage for the pair. Elin and Jamie spent time together over the summer playing with her kids and getting to know each other better, and now it would appear they are ready to take their relationship to a deeper level.

I don't know Elin Nordegren personally, mostly because I'm not an heir, but I get the feeling she can't use her vibrator without looking at an ATM receipt.

Elin Nordegren, Tiger Woods' ex-wife who beat him with a golf club and literally tried to take everything Tiger had because he had some side pieces, is now dating a billionaire. Whoa, another guy with money? You don't say. New York Post reports:

Heartbroken Elin Nordegren has found love again with wealthy American investor Jamie Dingman, Page Six can exclusively reveal. Elin, who divorced cheating golf great Tiger Woods following a series of scandals with multiple women, has been dating Dingman, the son of billionaire Michael Dingman, for months. Friends say Jamie is an accomplished emerging-markets veteran who has represented his father's interests in China for the past six years. In the mid-1990s, he specialized in Russian private equity funds. He also owned an Indy car-racing team sponsored by World Childhood Foundation, a charity founded by Queen Silvia of Sweden. "He's never been so happy. He and Elin have strong feelings for each other," a friend said. "He's a classic all-American guy. He's handsome, a total gentleman and low-key. He's never been in the press. Elin's a very lucky girl; he's a great guy but very private." The source added, "He doesn't play golf."

In her defense, Tiger Woods wasn't even a billionaire. He was just a millionaire. You can't buy a lot of private islands with that. The interview goes on to say that Elin hopes to marry this guy soon and then her vagina made the sound of an old timey cash register.

Alyse Lahti Johnston, who has been reportedly dating Tiger Woods for a few weeks (and has also been seen on his yacht in Florida recently), is the daughter of an executive at IMG, the agency that represents Woods. She also looks really sexy in her DUI mugshot. It's hard to tell if she needs Proactiv or more meth to even shit out.

In designer glasses that Tiger Woods bought, Elin Nordegen has put on a "brave public face" but she is hiding a "shocking secret". I wonder what it could be?!
National Enquirer reports:

Sources close to TIGER WOODS’ ex-wife tell The ENQUIRER that Elin also suffered stress-induced vomiting after she ate, wept uncontrollably, and rarely slept – but intensive therapy and her love for her two young children saved her life...“Elin was devastated,” a source close to the blue-eyed blonde told The ENQUIRER. “She began staying home, seeing no one and weeping all the time. She had nannies take the children out so she could sit at home and cry,” the source revealed.

Maybe I'm an asshole, but it's hard to sympathize with a woman who tried to do this after her husband had sex with whores. They say the world hates America, and I guess it's because guys in Iran have to come up with elaborate schemes like falsely accusing their wives of adultery then having them stoned if the guy wants to marry somebody else. In America, a woman passes two humans through her vagina and gets $100M. I don't know, that seems like a pretty good reason to strap a bomb to your chest. If I had half of the money Tiger had, I'd rather be filmed throwing a bucket of puppies into a river than get married.

Note: The banner pic of Denise Milani has nothing to do with this story other than the fact that her boobs are bigger than Tiger's and Elin's.

Since his ex-wife's dignity and self-respect was only worth $100 million, Tiger Woods is taking his remaining $500 million and building a Center For Whores Who Can Blow Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. TMZ reports:

With the real estate market still in the crapper ... Tiger Woods recently took out a $54.5 million mortgage for the mega-mansion he's building on Florida's exclusive Jupiter Island. TMZ has obtained legal documents filed in Martin County on August 27 -- four days after Tiger finalized his divorce from Elin Nordegren -- in which he lists himself as a "single man" ... possibly for the first time since his marriage ended. Tiger also agrees to pay back the gargantuan loan by January 15, 2016. So, it seems there's one group of people counting on Tiger to make a comeback -- his lenders. Tiger's property spans across three parcels of land ... and as we've previously reported, the estate will include a tennis court, oxygen therapy room, multiple pools and a state-of-the-art fitness center.

I'm sure Elin is a nice lady with many admirable qualities, but Tiger Woods is one of the most famous athletes in the world. He shouldn't be changing diapers, he should be waking up on top of twin 18-year old's with nosebleeds and paper macheing models with hundreds and semen.

Note: The banner pic is Lucy Pinder. Tiger should try to hit that.

Six years ago, Elin Nordegren married Tiger Woods. During that time, she sat at home, got impregnated twice, and clapped on the golf course. Today she is $100 million richer.

It was ice cold between Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren at the courthouse as the couple finalized their divorce on Monday. “Tiger was sitting down when Elin walked in the room,” a source told RadarOnline.com. “Publicly they didn’t say a word to each other." “They didn’t even look at each other.” At approximately 3 p.m. ET Elin was heading back to her Orlando-area home. She was subdued after the divorce was finalized in Bay County Circuit Court in Panama City, Florida. The couple lives in Orange County. In Florida a couple is allowed to file for divorce outside of the county where they reside. Tiger and Elin married October 5, 2004. The divorce petition says the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” The divorce papers reveal that Tiger and Elin reached a settlement on July 3 and 4th. The Martial Settlement Agreement they signed also includes a parenting plan.

In a released statement, Elin's lawyers spoke on behalf of Nordegren and Woods. TMZ reports:

"We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future....While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us...Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern."

Reporters tried to talk to Elin Nordegren after the divorce proceedings, but she was unavailable for comment due to the fact that she was dancing on top of a car throwing diamonds into the crowd and doing that thing with her hands where she pretends to make it rain.

Because really, a $100M divorce settlement can't spend itself, you know.

Although it's been nearly 9-months since the Tiger Woods cheating scandal exploded, the Swedish beauty is still furious with her estranged hubby, and can't wait to divorce him, a source exclusively tells RadarOnline.com. Nordegren - who recently took a night class at a local college - is trying to separate herself from her shattered marriage, and has been taking a lot of bike rides lately, adds our source. Right now, Tiger and his mom have the couple's two kids in the Orlando suburb of Windemere, Florida.

Man, a night class and bike trips? I really hope she gets over it. You know what might help? Getting a job. I don't know if she's heard about this new thing they do where they give you money for actually doing something. I know! I thought the same thing!

Back in May, it was reported that Tiger Wood's wife, Elin Nordegren was content to leave Tiger Woods looking like this guy, by demanding a $750M divorce settlement, full custody of their two children, and a no confidentiality clause that would leave her free to reap untold fortunes by writing a tell-all book. None of that is happening.

As one source with direct knowledge of the terms of the divorce tells TMZ, "She'll be getting close to $100,000,000." There have been reports Elin would score $750 million, but we have confirmed that figure is wrong. Indeed, as we first reported, Tiger is not even worth $750 million. We're told his net worth is somewhere between $500 and $600 million. Sources say Elin will receive child support, but we do not know the specific amount. As for the $100 million figure ... this is not speculation ... it comes from sources with direct knowledge of the property settlement agreement.

Just so we're clear, what Tiger Woods did was beyond fucked up. On the other hand, just because you passed two humans through your vagina, you aren't entitled to $750M for your troubles. That being said, would I marry Tiger Woods, let him impregnate me, then stand idly by why he bangs a warehouse full of whores for $100M? Why, yes. Yes I would.