The New England Patriots are beating the New York Jets like a GITMO prisoner right now, mostly because Tom Brady is throwing against defenders whose cleats were apparently made out of concrete. The commentators say it is due to Brady's precision and pocket awareness, but Donald Trump's hair was just trying to wave and say hello. I think he's a big fan.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady welcomed his second child (the first that he didn't leave while the mother was pregnant) with supermodel Gisele Bundchen. Page Six reports:

It's a boy for Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. People is reporting the pair have welcomed their first child. Brady has 2-year-old son Jack with ex Bridget Moynahan. The New England Patriots quarterback and the Brazilian supermodel tied the knot during a private ceremony back in February and then held a reception in Costa Rica in July.

To reiterate, Tom Brady is prettier than your girlfriend, is a two-time Super Bowl MVP, and an international supermodel didn't mind if he didn't pull out. Awesome. In recognition of their special day, I would just like to say fuck you, Tom Brady.

NOTE: No, I don't mean "three-time Super Bowl Champion". I mean "two-time Super Bowl MVP". Thanks, though.

After dating for almost three years, New England Patriots quarterback(?) Tom Brady and model Gisele Bundchen were married yesterday in Santa Monica. Us Magazine reports:

The bride, 28, donned a form-fitting ivory lace strapless gown with a trumpet skirt, scalloped edges, long train and a floor-length veil with attached handmade satin roses and attached satin headband, all by Dolce & Gabbana. Her three dogs also wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars....The ceremony -- which began at dusk -- was "very small and intimate," a source tells Us, adding that guests mostly consisted of immediate family. Brady's son with ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, John Edward Thomas Moynahan, was also present.

Bridget Moynahan was pregnant when Tom Brady started dating Gisele, so I bet this wasn't awkward. Not at all. When asked for comment, Bridget said, "So let me get this straight. I plug the hose directly into the tailpipe, right?"

Here's Hayden Panettiere in a parody of a sexual harassment PSA on Will Ferrell's Funny or Die . I say "parody" only because they say this is a sketch and it was directed by Judd Apatow, so I assumed this was supposed to start being funny at some point. It didn't. Maybe because the irony and comedy goldmine of a hot girl talking about sexual harassment only works when the hot girl is actually hot, not a representative of the Lollipop Guild.


If you want to see a funny one, check out this SNL skit from 2005 with Tom Brady:

After a perfect 16-0 regular season, the New England Patriots lost 17-14 to the New York Giants last night in Super Bowl XLII. So I guess that means Gisele Bundchen needs to get naked. The Sportsman's Daily (satire) reports:

In the aftermath of their 21-12 victory over the San Diego Chargers, Tom Brady's celebrated girlfriend startled onlookers by promising to run naked down Broadway in the unlikely event the Patriots lose to the Arizona-bound N.Y. Giants -- unlikely until the very moment she parted her full lips and made the surprise announcement."

Just so we're clear, a naked Victoria's Secret model running down the street will never happen. Never. Just like with everything else involving the Patriots this weekend, it'll just turn out to be hype and a fucking tease. Wow, it must suck living in Foxboro today. An artists' rendition of New England Patriots' fans include a plane crashed into a side of a barn and a cat with a bowl of spaghetti on its head.

Victoria's Secret Super Bowl stuff:

Fergie the tranny does Thailand and fits right in [Hollywood Rag]
Birds love the Backstreet Boys [College Humor]
Heidi and Spencer almost died in a fire [Dlisted]
Vince Vaughn and Vanessa Williams might be dating [ASL]
Bill Maher has stupid audience members [Popoholic]
Lucy Pinder still has giant boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
Kid Rock's mugshots all look alike [City Rag]
Tom Cruise is still short and creepy [Just Jared]
Kim Kardashian blows (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Jennifer Lopez is still pregnant [Popsugar]
Megan Fox gets a Spike Scream [Egotastic]
Melissa Joan Hart has boobies [Taxi Driver Movie]
Nikki Belucci in lingerie [Horny Oyster]

Gisele Bundchen (and Tom Brady?) in Miami Beach, October 22:

Her boyfriend, Tom Brady, was in town to play the Dolphins, so here's Gisele Bundchen in a tiny bikini in Miami on Saturday. Say what you want about her face, but damn she has a sick body. I don't know what I'd do if I saw a Victoria's Secret model at the beach. In my mind, my eyes would pop of my head, smoke would shoot out my ears, and my bow tie would spin around really fast like I was a cartoon wolf, but the pictures would later reveal that I just had my hands down my pants and a towel over my lap.

Bridget Moynahan delivered a baby boy in Los Angeles yesterday. The baby's father is three-time Super Bowl winning quarterback, Tom Brady, who split with Moynahan in early December. People says:

Mother and baby are doing well," her publicist, Christina Papadopoulos, tells People. The actress, 36, announced in February that she was expecting her first child with her ex-boyfriend, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, 30. The couple split in December after a three-year relationship."

Whatever. I hate this kid. By kindergarten he'll be getting laid more than I am.

Bridget Moynahan ready to pop on August 8th.