There's something creepy about Tom Cruise taking an upskirt shot of his robot daughter at Disneyworld while onlookers, both real and fictional, watch.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course, Mr. Cruise, we can accommodate you.

Tom: Excellent. I want all the characters on a lawn so I can take some pictures, and I want to skip the line for every ride.

Disneyworld Exec: Of course.

Tom: And I want you to pull all the Pinocchio characters. The last thing I need is Suri wanting to be a real boy.

Disneyworld Exec: Disney has a very strong policy against sexual confusion in youth.

Tom: I was more worried about the "real" part. I have to go power up Katie.

(Tom Cruise teleports)

I've been looking for the hi-res versions of these all day, but I've given up so I'm just going post these. "These" being pictures of Tom Cruise yesterday by a pool in Rio. You remember Tom Cruise, right? Yeah apparently he's an underground cage fighter now.



Photo credit: Splash (obviously)

I'm not saying that Tom Cruise and Scientology have anything to do with how Katie Holmes looks now, but I'm pretty sure I could be dropped into a vat of chemicals and not change as much as Katie Holmes has since 2005. She couldn't look any different than she did on Dawson's Creek if she had wings and a unicorn horn.



Photo credit: Splash

Due to several death threats received from groups opposing Scientology and Tom Cruise's portrayal of Nazi officer, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, in his new film Valkyrie, Cruise and his family are reportedly living in fear and are now residing in different locations and only travel in bomb-proof vehicles. The Daily Mail reports:

The Mail on Sunday can reveal that security has been stepped up around Cruise, 46, Holmes, 30, and their two-year-old daughter Suri...Last week Cruise attended the Los Angeles premiere of the movie, which was targeted by protesters from the anti-Scientology group Anonymous. He has been forced to increase security around his family since then. "The threats are perceived to be so great that the FBI has been alerted," said a source. Cruise is due to fly to London for the UK premiere on January 21. "Tom is terrified. He doesn’t feel safe anywhere," the source added. Cruise has spent $10 million on an underground bunker in the grounds of his estate in Colorado. In August, threats were made to place anthrax in the air vents of his Los Angeles office.

Just five years ago, Tom Cruise was one of the world's most beloved movie stars, starring in one critical and commercial hit after another. Now he's gonna get killed because he believes that lotion and Tic Tacs cure autism and that the devil flies around in an intergalactic DC-8 spaceship dropping hydrogen bombs into volcanoes. I can see how some people would have a problem with that. Not a problem, however, is the homeless guys I hunt on my private island. Their signed release of liability forms were designed to protect them just as much as me. I know, I know.. Sometimes I'm guilty of caring too much.

Katie Holmes in Manhattan wearing some questionable shorts:

David Beckham is hotter than most of the chicks I've dated, so you can see how Victoria Beckham must feel knowing she looks like a leather cricket. In case you don't know, David Beckham was scheduled to do an interview with Italian television host, Ilaria D'amico (this chick). Then Victoria typed her named into Google. The Sun says:

"The Italian media is claiming ILARIA D'AMICO was set to interview Becks tomorrow when he is officially unveiled as AC Milan's new signing. But "at the request of the Beckham camp", the interview has been scrapped after Posh apparently "researched Ilaria on the Internet". Instead, Becks will be presented to the media in a standard press conference. Italian newspaper La Repubblica claims Victoria's "jealousy" was the reason why the interview with Sky Sports presenter Ilaria was dropped."

Since I'm committed to hard-hitting investigative journalism, I also researched Ilaria on the Internet. Who knows why Posh freaked out and cancelled the interview? Could it have been because of this? Or this? Or maybe this? I don't really know her reasons. Although I think it has something to do with tits.

Ilaria D'Amico:


Beckhams and Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes on a dinner date together last month:

Katie Holmes was signing autographs outside the Schoenfeld Theatre in NYC on Wednesday when she was photographed with a gigantic cold sore on her mouth (not the first time she's been seen like this - click here and click here. It seems like Tom Cruise has that effect on all the ladies. Meow! Page Six reports:

"The women in Tom Cruise's life seem to have the gift that keeps on giving. In the past week, both Cruise's ex-wife, Nicole Kidman, and his current one, Katie Holmes (above), have been photographed with cold sores on their lips. Cold sores, also known as oral herpes or herpes labialis, are transmitted very easily from one kisser to another. Reps for Cruise, Kidman and Holmes didn't return e-mails."

Good grief, look at Katie Holmes. People only look like this if they've been shipwrecked or don't get along with Nazis.



Photos: Splash

As you watch Tom Cruise on David Letterman last night reading the "Top 10 Craziest Things People Say About Tom Cruise on the Internet," please keep in mind that he was once head of a production company and is allegedly the Church of Scientology's second in command. Then watch as he stumbles through the English language and asks how to pronounce "Heimlich." If safe to say a kindergartner reading the Dead Sea Scrolls would have done a better job than Tom Cruise.

Little Lord Fauntleroy arriving at the Regis and Kelly show this morning:


Photos: Splash

Harry Potter's love song for a horse [Dlisted]
Carmen Electra is a Playboy Bunny dealer [Hollywood Rag]
Jessica Simpson is yapping about getting married again [Popsugar]
Tom Cruise does the Funky Chicken [City Rag]
Salma Hayek drops some cleavage [Popoholic]
Jessica Alba as Ugly Betty [Hollywood Tuna]
Rachel McAdams is Irene Adler [Just Jared]
Hilary Duff gets Photoshopped for Maxim [Egotastic]
Britney is pigging out in Japan [Lainey Gossip]
Courtenay Semel picture of the day (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]
Diana Terranova is leaked in lingerie (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Sharon Osbourne gets in a Charm School fight [Socialite Life]

Video up top: Tom Cruise eating crow on the Today show this morning.


Photos: Splash