The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show aired last night, and if you're unsure what that is, it's when female physical perfection prance around in lingerie while you stab yourself in the leg with your keys because you really want to finish that tray of cupcakes. Because you don't look like them. And you probably never will. It's ok, though. I'm sure your boyfriend loves you in sweatpants and doesn't think about Miranda Kerr when he's having sex with you. I'm sure of it.

Miranda Kerr, Lily Aldridge, and Alessandra Ambrosio at the VS Viewing Party. I get a lot of comments saying they're not real women. I didn't know that. They must be some kind of sexy robots.

I could talk about Penn State and the disproportionate number of cars flipped for the elementary school kids who got raped in their bathroom, but the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was last night. Everyone wins!

Imagine waking up to Candice Swanepoel. Multiply that by fifteen. That's how I feel about beating the Colts last night, and I wanted to share that joy with you. You're welcome.

Lady Gaga, who swears she lives for her "little monsters," showed her appreciation for their support this weekend. The Toronto Sun reports:

The Poker Face star returned to the U.K. capital with her Monster Ball tour and was at her controversial best when a fan threw a doll of Father Christmas onto the stage.

Gaga accepted the gift - but then stunned the audience by biting into it with her teeth before finishing it off with the heel of her shoe.

She told her victim, "I hate the holidays. I'm alone and miserable you f**king stuffed little toy."

But Gaga made up for her aggression later in the set, by reading segments of a book another devotee handed to her.

Attacking a stuffed animal that some poor soul with poor taste gave you? Now that's metal. Though in Gaga's defense, she probably thought it was a chew toy. Just like this guy did. Except, you know, with a live fucking bat.


Here's Erin Heatherton in the fitting room at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. If you're upset that there aren't more Lady Gaga photos here, you should probably be reading Perez instead.

It's a slow news day and the only new story was that Carrie Fisher may or may not have outed John Travolta again. Considering what Princess Leia and Danny Zuko look like nowadays, and because I feel guilty for posting late, here's Jessica Hart not wearing much. Now stop talking. The game is on.

Apparently a MetroCard is grounds for a medal of honor. Page Six reports:

Karolina Kurkova is one of the few Victoria's Secret Angels brave enough to take the subway. The leggy blonde from the Czech Republic takes the A/C/E line around town. But fellow Angel Alessandra Ambrosio tells the latest issue of Page Six Magazine, out Dec. 2, "The subway? No, never. I haven't ridden the subway for years."

Lily Aldridge also says, "I don't take the subway much anymore," and Chanel Iman says she prefers above-ground transportation. The ladies recently walked the catwalk in the Victoria's Secret fashion show, which airs on CBS Tuesday.

I guess being a supermodel with a bellybutton makes you all uppity and too good for the L-train.

To cleanse your corneas from that last post, here are some pictures from the Victoria's Secret runway show:

Katy Perry performed at the 2010 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show last night where her insecurities about being the ugliest one on stage, made her pull her rack out after two weeks of pretending to be a self-respecting wife. And thank God for that. Do we really need Katy Perry walking around without her tits hanging out? Ask yourself, what kind of world would that be? Her tits speak for all the tits in Iran that must remain silent. In fact, Katy should wear this dress and walk down the streets of Iran to preach and enlighten the good people there. I'm sure they would appreciate it. They might even throw things at her like they do at weddings because they are so happy about the good news!

I have no idea why I'm not gay, because if I was I could be chillin on the couch while Miranda Kerr prances around in her bra and panties and throws her legs on me backstage at the 2009 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I could probably get away with it for a while, but it might get a little awkward when I turn into Multiple Miggs at some point.