See that video? You see how they portray our celebrity blogger-ness? As a whole bunch of giggly women who don't watch Zac Efron movies but totally bitch about them anyway?

Well, outside of the woman thing, that' basically correct. But I don't need to watch Zac Efron movies to know the guy isn't funny. I can watch last night's Saturday Night Live or the star-filled, yet strangely completely unfunny Funny Or Die video about Zac Efron's pool party.



Look, dude, you look good an Tween magazines and make boat loads of money, there's just no reason that I should like you. Rephrase: Zac Efron has never done anything I've been remotely interested in, and the stuff that I do end up watching isn't good.

Though Vanessa Hudgens is pretty attractive, and he keeps that chick in line. Look at her slink behind him on their way to the SNL afterparty at the Heartland Brewery.

You can tell you are getting old when the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards offers absolutely nothing you want to see. Check out this MTV roundup:

The first award of the night, Favorite TV Show, was handed out by Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson and went to "iCarly." "We wouldn't be up here without you guys," the show's star, Miranda Cosgrove, told the super-excited crowd. Tons of celebs made appearances throughout the night, like Favorite Male Singer winner Jesse McCartney, Will Ferrell, Sandra Bullock and Hugh Jackman, all of whom got slimed, a time-honored KCA tradition.

Although she wasn't there to claim her Blimp, Selena Gomez won Favorite TV Actress for her work on "Wizards of Waverly Place." Keeping the girl power alive were the Pussycat Dolls, who didn't win any Blimps but did perform "When I Grow Up" and their version of the "Slumdog Millionaire" anthem "Jai Ho."

Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron, Corbin Bleu and Ashley Tisdale were there to accept the Favorite Movie award for "High School Musical 3: Senior Year." Hudgens also took home a Blimp for Favorite Movie Actress. "A quick shout-out to Lucas [Grabeel] and Monique [Coleman]. We love you guys," Efron said to his missing castmates while accepting the award. "Thank you all for embracing 'HSM.' We love you guys."

It was cute-boy overload as Efron presented the award for Favorite Music Group to the Jonas Brothers. "Thank you guys so much," Joe said, before Nick added, "It's been amazing. We've enjoyed the ride thoroughly." More swooning ensued when "Gossip Girl" heartthrob Chace Crawford announced the JoBros' performance. They rocked the crowd and made girls scream when they performed "S.O.S." and "Burnin' Up."

It's like whomever was writing that was trying to make each paragraph less interesting. I didn't even go as far to talk about the huge Twilight ass-kissing that was going on. I don't know about you, but when I watched the Kid's Choice Awards way back when, there wasn't any "Favorite Book" category. And even if there was, shouldn't it be limited to the year the book came out?

Whatever, where Megan Fox goes, we follow, because she manages to look hot, even if it's for a group of barely pubescent teens who wouldn't know what to do to Megan Fox if they got within 3 feet of her.

Not that I know. I'd probably spit on her out of panic then forever tell the story of how Megan Fox got me arrested.

Even if you're talking about Pi and not Pie, a teenage girl that loves either too much is going to have problems getting dates. [EbaumNation]

Zac Efron has booty-calls on hold around the GLOBE? With WOMEN? [LaineyGossip]

Is it weird that a Britney Spear camel toe makes me as nostalgic as I get when I think about Surge commercials (SURGE!). Site NSFW, just like Surge. [TaxiDriverMovie]

Kevin Spacey is totally not gay *wink* and is with a guy who totally isn't his boyfriend *wink* being totally discreet *nudge* about looking at a book about big penises. [FilmDrunk]

Alyson Hannigan is cute even if she has some other dudes DNA poop in her uterus. [ICYDK]

Closeup of Scarlett Johansson's tits? Yes, as long as I'm not Ryan Reynolds. Which I'm obviously not. Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

From those who brought you The Notebook comes The Handjob, a film that tugs at more than your heartstrings. [CollegeHumor]

Yes, that's John Mayer making a rap song for his YouTube channel. "I like sex and I'm good at it," the sample says. Thus far, the only person agreeing is Jennifer Aniston. And she's only agreeing with the "I like sex" part. [YouTube]

Hayden Panettiere is in Hawaii sticking her tiny nose where it doesn't belong. What "awareness" is she raising now? [LaineyGossip]

Porn star Bree Olsen has a healthy bowel movement before the AVN awards. See, porn stars are just like us! Except they have vast amounts of sex... Site NSFW. [DrunkenStepfather]

Nicollette Sheridan upskirts are a good way to spend a slow Monday. If you wank to panties on Monday, you've earned full-on porn by Friday. Site NSFW. [TaxiDriverMovie]

If your mom buys you condoms, you're at least as lame as Zac Efron. [FatBackMedia]

When does Jennifer Love Hewitt dare to look her age? When she goes grocery shopping. [ICYDK]

Mischa Barton blogged her breakup before anyone could report it, mistakenly thinking that we still cared what Mischa Barton was up to? How about she makes a good movie or something instead of slutting herself out? [ImNotObsessed]

Ashlee Simpson is moving to Melrose Place where she will be overly sexualized and no one will mention that a baby named Bronx has already been pushed through that vag (hint: rhymes with Madge). [EW]

High School Musical star, Zac Efron was assaulted by a middle-aged man as he left the Apollo in London's West End last night. It didn't end in a dance off as many witnesses expected. The Daily Mail says:

"The bespectacled attacker, who was carrying a laptop computer under one arm, was then said to have lunged forward and tried to grab his hair. The startled 20-year-old, who plays Troy in the hugely successful Disney film franchise, is usually followed by crowds of swooning teenage girls. So being attacked by a middle-aged man must have given him a taste of the darker side of fame. An onlooker said: 'Some guy was just stood near the door where Zac and Vanessa emerged. He just reached over and grabbed the side of Zac's head. There was no provocation. It all turned into a bit of a mess. 'He was shouting all kinds of things at Zac. Their security team eventually dealt with it. They had to bundle Zac into a car, but at one point it looked as though the man was going to be pushed into it with him.'"

Some people might think it's weird that this dude was carrying a laptop, but in his defense, it's gets pretty boring waiting all that time in a van. I mean, once you've looked through a pair of binoculars once, you've pretty much looked through them all.

Zac Efron, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, Corbin Bleu, and ohmygodiknow their names at the UK premiere of High School Musical 3:


Photos: Splash, Daily Mail

High School Musical star and tween panty moistener, Zac Efron, 20, says fellow Disney star, Vanessa Hudgens (she takes nice pictures), 19, "outshines" other women. Whatever that means. Female First reports:

The 20-year-old actor - who has been dating Vanessa since they starred alongside each other in 2006 movie 'High School Musical' - immediately knew that Vanessa was the one for him. He said: "Vanessa caught my eye straight away. She simply outshines all other girls because of her strong personality. I don't know if I believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in two people having chemistry straight away. I don't know what it was with Vanessa but we kind of clicked from the very beginning. She is not just a lovely girl, she is also a sexy and desirable woman! Vanessa is just a wonderful person. I can laugh and talk with her and, most of all, we have loads of fun!"

I don't know what chick freshman lit major wrote this quote, but nice try on using the word "straight" as many times as you possibly could. Sorry, Zac Efron, but you're not fooling anybody there, Peter Pan. The only way she could outshine other women is if you convinced her to let you use glitter the next time you gave each other makeovers.

Vanessa Hudgens posing for some photoshoot:

Vanessa Hudgens likes to take naked pictures of herself and post them on the Internet. Her boyfriend, Zac Efron, likes how women's makeup can accentuate his best features while minimizing his trouble areas. MSNBC reports:

She wants to date a man, not a little girl," an insider revealed to Star. "Vanessa told (Zac) to stop being such a sissy and freaking out when he gets blemishes." The source went on to claim Zac nearly bailed on a birthday bash for Vanessa's little sis, Stella, last month after spying an enormous zit on his cheek. "He just flipped out. He knew there were a bunch of girls at the party who worship him - and he didn't want them all staring at his pimple." Once the teen queen offered up her tube of concealer, all was well - for Zac. "Vanessa doesn't want to share makeup with her boyfriend," the source said. "It makes her feel weird."

When asked for comment, Efron put cotton balls between his toes and held up the key to his new Disney Princess Cinderella Talking Vanity. "It unlocks an interactive world of beauty!", he screamed. Some adult assembly required.

Vanessa in Miami on December 1st:

Jordan is still a Barbie nightmare [Hollywood Rag]
Gemma Atkinson still has boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
Dramatic Pumpkin [College Humor]
Paris Hilton's bullshit Rwanda PR trip is postponed [Dlisted]
Christina Ricci has nipples [City Rag]
Nicola Roberts wore panties (NSFW) [Taxi Driver Movie]
Ugly Betty's Becky Newton [Popoholic]
Reese and Jake are still pretending to be a couple [Just Jared]
Laura Prepon is pregnant (NSFW ads) [Drunken Stepfather]
Diddy is selling more crap to morons [Popsugar]
Mena Suvari looking like a dude [Egotastic]
Blake Lively is a little fug and a lot boring [ASL]

Vanessa Hudgens at Frederick's of Hollywood 2008 Spring on Oct. 24th: